Blonde Antithesis

Blonde Antithesis is Moving

2007-08-30T17:23:00.001-04:00

In honor of my upcoming 100th blog, Blonde Antithesis is undergoing a face-lift (a very blonde thing to do, no?).

You can find the new site at www.angiebledsoe.wordpress.com

I hope you all make the move since this will be my final entry at this site. See you on the other side.

Peace.

Blogging On the Run

2007-08-30T14:06:00.000-04:00

So, I have just a few minutes before I get in the car for an hour and a half...at least. Thank goodness for the DVD player! I'm looking forward to the holidays because I love the sound of Christmas movies. "A Christmas Story" and "Home Alone", they're just more fun to listen to...plus, I just love the holidays anyway. I have a tendency to romanticize them and build them up in my mind (kind of like the dad in "Christmas Vacation").

But, for now, it's "Star Wars"...or any superhero type movie. Most of them I've never actually seen, but they sound okay...

The morning after Thanksgiving, "it's on", though. Only Christmas stuff will be played in my car: Christmas carols, Manheim Steamroller, Christmas movies...etc. I might even wear a Santa hat!

Gotta run! The superheroes are calling me...

Peace.

Happy Wednesday - And Such As - To...

2007-08-29T14:37:00.001-04:00

…all you U. S. Americans out there and the other people like in South Africa and The Iraqs and such as…!

The upside of this interview:

*She’s absolutely adorable.

*She has just shown herself to be qualified to host a morning news show on any of the Big Three major networks (or the evening news, for that matter!)

*The panelist asking the question was also blonde and seemed reasonably articulate.

*Mario Lopez understood every word she said…and such as.

*My daughter Ashley is a native of South Carolina and also a blonde, yet CAN locate a map, find the U.S., and…well…SPELL the word “map”.

*Immediately following this question, Miss Teen S.C. was awarded “Miss Congeniality” for her heartfelt compassion for all those poor U.S. Americans out there who don’t own maps (she then spearheaded a campaign to raise a gazillion dollars to buy South Africans and the Iraqs maps…and such as).

*Umm….She’s….adorable.

I’m not throwing stones…just looking for the bright side. Happy Wednesday…and such as! Peace out.

Finding My Sabbath

2007-08-28T17:05:00.000-04:00

Byron and I have had a lot of discussions, lately, about rest, boundaries, and protecting/insulating ourselves and family from the stresses of the world as much as possible. My current issues with my nervous system have definitely factored in to these conversations. Avoiding extreme stress has become a necessity, not just for me, but for all of us in the Bledsoe household. It has been a wake-up-call for us, in that, no matter how strong you think you are or how ready you feel for the fight, your body can say, "No more!", and then you are forced to take inventory of your priorities.

Of course, God knows that we must set aside time for true rest in order to even worship properly. This presents some obvious difficulties for the household of a pastor because the Sabbath is, inherently, a "work day". So, traditionally, minister's families just suck it up and do without respite - and not even God can convince them that you can't work yourself into worship...as if to say that what God has required for us to function at our best, and honor Him with our efforts - a day of rest - is not necessary for the leaders. There's a piety in living like the world will stop revolving if I ("Super Pastor/Pastor's Wife") don't work for the kingdom 24/7. How many pastor's families secretly know that they come AFTER the calling?

So, Byron and I are looking at and praying about finding a way to observe Sabbath before, and therefore leading into, Sunday. We haven't figured it out yet, but we do know that it's going to take a lot of planning ahead if Saturday, for instance, will be our day of rest (especially since that's the day when all of the "running" has to be done - and especially since I'm a huge procrastinator). But, we know we need to at least entertain the idea of setting aside a "Day of Rest", so that we can be prepared to worship and work on Sunday. Also, Saturday seems like a natural choice because the Enemy, without fail, throws his biggest arrows on Saturdays - So, intentional insulation will make us even more productive in our work.

Who knows us better than our Creator, so who can have a better plan than He does. Sometimes - a lot of the time - we just come up with excuses for why we're the exception.

So, we're on a journey to discover how to fulfill our calling and how to find our Sabbath at the same time. It's an interesting journey. I'll do my best to chronicle our discoveries along the way.

I hope you all find some rest in Him today. Peace.

Beautiful Blog Site Boundaries

2007-08-27T18:35:00.000-04:00

Since I'm still suffering from my nerve "situation", I decided to post a blog I wrote several days ago, and just saved for a rainy day. Although I discuss how my blogging boundaries came more slowly than those in other areas of my life, it's important for me to set the record straight about some particularly obnoxious blogs that are floating around out there - these blogs I have never read...or even laid eyes on. I don't look at porn, and I don't read trash - This has become a point of conviction for me. Peace out.

Today, like most days at some point, I spent some time reading the blogs "bookmarked" on my "toolbar" (if you don't use a Mac these terms might not mean the same thing - but you get the drift) - it's somewhat of a ritual for me, I guess, and if you were to read the blogs I read you would pick up on a theme: they are all positive and uplifting and many times challenging to me in my faith, family and church-life. There must be some positive value for me.

It's not always been that way for me, sadly. Out of curiosity, obligation, or even a desire to be entertained by ridiculousness (not sure that's a word), I've subjected myself to a lot of junk (that's putting it nicely in, most cases) that has done nothing to edify me or refine my walk. Blog site boundaries are a discipline that have been developed out of necessity.

I had already limited my exposure to negativity in my relationships, phone conversations, parties I attend, even in just "hanging out" with a bunch of ladies (this can go negative so fast it can make your head spin) - But in the area of the Internet, these boundaries can be more easily rationalized away.

These "rationalizations" can sound something like this:

*I would rather know first-hand if someone's talking trash - or their friends are, so I can KNOW!

*I deserve to read it myself...everyone else seems to know the scoop.

*I need to prove that stupid lies and innuendo from carnal people don't hurt me - I CAN TAKE IT!

*Their words don't really offend me...it's just entertainment!

*I need to know what they're saying so that I can look spiritual as I forgive them (a vicious cycle, by the way).

*Whatever other rationalizations I've used that I can't remember right now.

Today, though, I guard myself (and my family), vigilantly. It's an issue of obedience for me now. Whatever I tell myself to make it easy to read stuff that I know, or even suspect, won't be beneficial to me, doesn't outweigh my responsibility to be disciplined with the words that I allow to come into my life.

I need to be considerate of the fact that even though it doesn't hurt, it may not help. My knowledge of other's critiques or "issues" may not be helpful to those around me. Because of this, I've even had to be careful about what "friendly" blogs I allow myself to read. Not everyone limit's their exposure as much as Byron and I do, so their lack of boundaries can become ours, as well.

This may sound rigid or ridiculous, but these lessons come out of experience. For me, knowingly reading trash is just plain stupid.

So, if you hear the latest tidbit from some blog site, please don't tell me the web address. I don't care, and I don't want to know. Bondage to trying to mend fences with people who stir dissension is just that: BONDAGE! And it's a luxury that I can't afford - distraction from my true purpose is a price that's too high.

We can either chase after the opinions of men, or Christ. We can't fully do both. At least that's not my calling.

I love the beautiful blogs on my toolbar, and plan to keep it that way.

Peace.

The Remains of the Day

2007-08-26T18:07:00.000-04:00

I woke up with a severe pinched nerve in my neck.

I couldn't raise my head off the pillow.

I couldn't go to C3.

I can't really type since I can't hold my head up.

I have a lot of thoughts running around in my head, but it hurts too bad to type them.

So, I'll blog more when I can. I'm having withdrawals from blogging. But, at least I don't have to work out or jog today.

I heard this morning was awesome...I'm so sad I missed it.

I have to be better by tomorrow morning.

I think the Advil bottle shouldn't have such a wimpy dosage limit.

I need to dust the ceiling fan.

My bedroom decor could use an animal print...probably leopard.

Sonny's banana pudding should be listed as an addictive controlled substance.

If I were on the show "Making the Band" and I had to jog five miles to be chosen...oh well!!!!

Peace out for now.

Week One "Wrap-Up"

2007-08-25T19:06:00.000-04:00

The Bledsoe Family has successfully navigated the first week of school. Here are some highlights:

*The sunrise, from the 417, is beautiful when viewed through polarized sunglasses.

*My six year old can guilt me into buying him fast-food junk because I feel bad that he has to spend so much time in the car every afternoon.

*"Mr Big Truck" didn't speed obnoxiously by me in carline again - maybe he's changed his ways...we'll see!

*Nate knows how to deal with a bully...(must be passed down from father to son).

*Apparently, Kayleigh and Ashley aren't "jiggy" with Trapper/Keeper notebooks - they're not "the bomb"...as if! And I was so thinking they were "totally rad".

*High school girls think it's so cute when Kayleigh and Ashley's dad makes their lunch! What am I, chopped liver?!!

*Sleeping-in on Saturday is glorious - unless you think it's Friday and you've over-slept!!! BTW, if it had been a week day, we'd all be in trouble because I'm not moving fast early in the a.m. EVEN IF I'M ON FIRE!

*How come "waiting in carline by myself time" seems like an eternity, and "having sushi with the Leathers (and Byron) time" flies by?

*Now that I'm carpooling WITH MYSELF, I miss taking other people's kids home from school - I didn't know that I would miss that...but Amanda says I can pick up "my best friend, Emma" from kindergarten sometimes! Woo!! (Right now I'm throwing up my hands like the wife in Talladega Nights - just so you can get the total mental pic).

*In High School Musical Two, when Gabriella sings to Troy that she has to "go her own way" and he sings back "but what about us?", I cry just a little bit (just a single tear rolls down...) - and btw, who names their daughter "Sharpay"? Don't they know that's a wrinkly dog...BUT I DIGRESS!

*So, the kids had an easier time adjusting to school than I did, but overall it was a good week...what I remember of it after being jacked-up on way to much espresso.

*Tomorrow's gonna be "Crazy" great!

Peace out.

Run Blondie Run!

2007-08-22T19:54:00.001-04:00

Fear is bondage...let's break free! It's so C3. Peace.

Coffee, Courage, and Commitment (And Happy Wednesday)

2007-08-22T14:17:00.000-04:00

Happy Wednesday! (At least it is now) - The boys get out of school early on Wednesdays, so we decided to bring them to "Cuppy's" (My favorite coffee shop, on Lee Vista). So, hangin' with my boys and drinking a caramel latte (and free wifi)...it just doesn't get any better than this!

We had lunch with Vinny and Valerie, an awesome couple with a passion for God that's contagious. They are definitely "so C3"!

I've been reading "Stand Against the Wind" by Erwin McManus - he's one of my favorite authors - and this quote spoke to me, "Our capacity to run free is related to our commitment to stand firm."

It may seem odd that he would correlate commitment with freedom. Those two seem contrary, but, in reality, you are only as free as you are committed. You are only as strong as your willingness to lay aside anything that hinders you in the race. Freedom comes after the sacrifice, when there's nothing left to lose.

McManus asks the question, "How often have we surrendered our freedoms under the weight of our fears?" That's something to ponder. Fear is bondage, and bondage is the death of hope.

So, today, I desire to run free and fearless - with nothing left to lose, and everything to gain.

Happy Wednesday!

Peace.

Thanks...for the Memories (sounds like a cheesy song!)

2007-08-21T05:50:00.001-04:00

Thanks to everyone who made yesterday so special.

Even though there was a ton going on with the start of the school year, the blogs, phone calls, emails and gifts are greatly appreciated. I especially have appreciated the prayers and support throughout this last year.

Yesterday was a long "marathon" of a day - I did get to:

*Spend time with Byron (as we were mutually traumatized by the boys first day - they were troopers, though, and seem to have sweet teachers).

*Have coffee with friends (Amanda and Leigh Ann :-)) at Cuppy's, my favorite coffee shop, (on Lee Vista).

*Spend time at C3.

*Remember what "carline" is like - three times - (especially when some people in big trucks - not bigger than mine, but still bigger than the other cars waiting patiently - think they don't have to wait in line like everyone else, and speed to the front of the line putting everyone else in peril)...oh the joys of the private school mentality!...anyway, I digress...remember what carline is like!

*Get to see Kayleigh have her senior pictures taken...for 2 hours!!! - I think mine took 7 minutes! She was beautiful.

*Have a wonderful sugar-free ice cream cake, made by Diane (I didn't think this was humanly possible, she should get a Nobel peace prize!).

*Talk to my "Oma".

*NOT work out or jog, although I did take a nap instead of lunch, I just need to do that EVERY DAY!!!

*Spend a few minutes with the kids as we ate dinner AT 7:45!!!

*Read a lot of sweet thoughts and wishes from friends.

*FINALLY go to sleep...

And here we are, and I actually don't have time to be blogging, but I just wanted to say "Thanks" to everyone for making my crazy, marathon birthday worth running.

I love you all. Peace.

Selah to "Peace"

2007-08-20T00:06:00.000-04:00

Sleep won't come tonight, so I went back and read some of my earlier posts labeled "peace", many of which I wrote when I couldn't sleep. One, that I wrote back in May, seemed fitting. I needed to remember other times when I needed to remember... .

Maybe after remembering, sleep will finally come. Maybe after being reminded, peace will return...

"I should be asleep. I've been awake since 5 a.m.. There are so many things on my mind. I'm just asking God to cover me in His grace and mercy tonight. I know it's all I need, although my mind tells me I need to figure everything out by myself. I know I need to spend less time thinking and more time waiting. 'Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. We will wait upon the Lord - You are the Everlasting God. You do not faint, You won't grow weary. You're the defender of the weak, You comfort those in need. You lift us up on wings like eagles.' I'd love to soar on wings like eagles, but right now I just need to be quiet and wait. Rest is not easy for a restless mind, so I'm going to be still for a while and know 'our God, You reign forever, our Hope, our Strong Deliverer.'
'I will lie down in peace and sleep for You, oh Lord, will keep me safe.' I can sleep because my God never slumbers.
As a child, I memorized many Psalms, and although I rarely remember the exact reference or wording, God is always faithful to bring what I need to my rememberence - no more, no less.
I think it's Psalm 121 that says something like: 'I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills - From whence cometh my help? - My help cometh from the Lord. - The Lord watches over [me] - the sun shall not smite [me] by day nor the moon by night - He who watches [me] does not slumber - He who watches over Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps.'
Now I will lie down in peace and sleep for 'joy comes in the morning...' Selah!"

I will lie down in peace.

Selah.

The Remains of the Day

2007-08-19T19:51:00.000-04:00

Another Sunday...

Today was a good day for us at C3 - you could feel the anticipation of all that's coming.

Personally, I woke up feeling incredibly old. I asked Darrell if their was a mandatory retirement age for the Praise Team...because I'm sure I'm getting close!

I walked/jogged tonight, and smelled the dryer sheets (former post) which almost distracted me from my agony. Almost, but not quite. I did jog more than last time, so I guess I'm making progress.

Tomorrow will be a CRAZY manic monday with the kids starting school (two different schools), time at the office, and Kayleigh has senior pictures (that's gonna really help with the "I'm feeling old" stage I'm in!). Plus, I get to be reminded that I'm getting closer to 40, and the clock is ticking...(in a weak moment, I vowed to be "buff by forty" - I'm just going to chalk-it-up to delirium from one of Byron's work-outs.)

So, it's off to bed because 5:30 will be here before I know it. I wonder when the "early to bed, early to rise - and LIKE IT" phase of old age is gonna kick in??!!!

See ya with the sunrise (figuratively speaking, of course - no one wants to see me first thing in the a.m. when I have to get up early - it's not pretty!).

Peace. (Is it bad that I can't feel my arms?)

Sanguine Saturday

2007-08-18T17:05:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it's already five 0'clock on Saturday. The weekend is drifting away - and of course, tomorrow will go by like a whirlwind.

Laundry has ruled my day, since next week will be filled with carpooling and C3 stuff. The future is so bright for us at C3, but the next year, especially, is going to be CRAZY busy.

I feel like the fall is going to be "boot camp", and after the holidays begins the battle - when we have to bring the heat! We're breaking free to be C3, but it's going to require everything we've got to fulfill the vision we've been given. It can be overwhelming, but it's also an awesome thing...and a humbling one as well. It's going to take everything we've got, and still require the movement of God.

I woke up this morning in an optimistic mood - kind of a silly one, actually. I looked at Byron, and he had a grin on his face. So when I asked him why he was smiling, he just looked up and said, "God is smiling on me, and it's gonna be a good day." After further discussion, it became clear that "God smiling" was my good mood. So, I said, "Let me get this straight, the determining factor of the quality of your day is me?" and he replied, "Since the beginning of time." This kind of stinks for him, since I'm a bohemian, moody, melancholy/sanguine, artistic type with a flair for the dramatic...oh well, at least he has today!

We organized the school supplies cabinets, two junk drawers, and did some filing, so next week will run a little more smoothly than normal. It's amazing how it's harder for me to find things after I organize than before. I think my "chaotic random piles" system just make sense to me somehow.

I found the most beautiful purple "fainting couch" and zebra print rug on the web last night...I guess I just wasn't ever meant to be a minimalist! I think they would kick me out of Denmark (former post) - maybe it's because I'm a Czechoslovakian/Cherokee at heart!

Gotta run, laundry-duty for six calls! Peace out.

More Notes from La-La Land...

2007-08-17T21:21:00.000-04:00

*High School Musical 2 has taken over my life!!! We've been on a countdown clock all day - and I've never even seen the first one!

*When did I fall in love with modern furniture from Denmark? Confession: I had to ask Byron what furniture from Denmark would be called - I did have the sense to know that "Denmarkian" didn't sound quite right! (He said "Danish", and I looked it up on the Wide World of Web, and he was right), but I digress...When did I fall in love with modern Danish furniture? I especially LOVE "BoConcepts"...it's the bomb! (It's awesomely Denmarkian!)

*I love clean laundry - I love when I take a walk around the neighborhood in the evening and the smell of people's dryers and dryer sheets fills the air!

*I think we should live every day like we are in the cast of a musical, and break into song every time we're trying to make a dramatic statement. I think there would be a lot less conflict if everyone had to sing, "I'm so mad at you...You really hurt my feelings...You really need to learn how to drive..." Things like that wouldn't have the same "bite" if you had to sing and dance while yelling at someone!. Just a thought.

*We went to "meet the teacher" at the boys new school today - Ethan said that Nate's class was "better" because his classroom had brownies! It will also have long division, so Ethan - and I - will feel more comfortable in the first grade class. There aren't enough erasers in the world for me to do long division...Okay, I just had a little shudder thinking about it!

*Apparently, the slang term for a sweet ride is "whip" - Something tells me the Bledsoe Family Bus wouldn't be in the "whips" category. Just trying to keep it real.

*Speaking of "keeping it real" - there's nothing like buying cheap toilet paper in bulk from Wal-mart...it doesn't get any "realer" than that!

*Birthday cake just tastes better when it has your name on it!

Peace and dryer sheet dreams to you all!

It's Friday, and I'm in...La-La Land

2007-08-17T08:32:00.000-04:00

I'm a hurricane watcher. I, like many Floridians, am fascinated by these storms and the fact that now you can watch them approaching (24/7) and can obsess about which path they will take.

This year is different, though. Two of my obsessions are colliding - obsessing over possible hurricane landfalls and being "prepared" (I can make a "home" out of matresses, water bottles and peanut butter in 28 minutes - or less!), and the horrific thought that I could lose internet connection - not just for moments, but for days!!!

So, I asked Byron if we could get a battery-powered charger for my laptop, he said that we could, but it wouldn't help if we lost power. Apparently, the cable is somehow "married" to the electricity!!! I thought those electricity people were SMART. So then I asked if we could get a honkin' generator that would power the cable lines...He said, "No, honey, we can't." (He said this with a kind of deflated voice - like he's resigned himself to my "view of earth") - He knows he'll have to explain this to me again...because He knows that everything looks different
...from La-La Land!

Peace out, for now.

Coming Soon...(To a Theater Near You)

2007-08-16T21:33:00.001-04:00

It's always good to remember the blessings and opportunities that are in store for those who are faithful to follow Christ in the journey of change. Imagine the possibilities, and don't lose hope. Keep the faith! Peace.

Hangin' with My Herd

2007-08-16T15:23:00.000-04:00

Byron and I have two "Barrys" in our lives: Barry Leathers (C3 Executive Pastor, and he and Amanda are some of our closest friends), and Barry Oser (Kayleigh's boyfriend and "like a son" to us). Ironically, both of them posted the same YouTube video around the same period of time, and had a similar take on it. You can check out their blogs about this video here and here.

Of course this video was moving to me - and I draw my own analogies from it as well. It just depends on the day as to which "character" I identify with the most. Many days, I can relate to the baby water buffalo: the enemy will try to "pick me off", isolate me from sources of protection, strength and encouragement, and pull me to pieces. Other days, I feel like the powerful buffalo that knocks the crouching lions into the air and won't back down no matter what comes (these days are more rare).

Then some days, I can identify best with the on-lookers who watch in helpless horror as the scene unfolds - knowing that the lions are behaving like lions - with their cunning ability to sense weakness and attack when you're at your weakest point, and the crocodiles are doing the same - looking out for their own appetites - not making the initial attack, but wanting to benefit from the struggle.

One of the most profound aspects of this video, for me, was the fact that the herd of buffalo never give up on the baby - even when it seems certain that there was no hope of survival - even when all seems lost, they won't leave the fallen one behind. They seem to understand that they are only as strong as their weakest "member" - and if they don't fight back, they will lose more and more of themselves to the enemy.

Of course, we can relate to this: as Christ-followers, in the ministry, as members of a unique community of faith like C3 Church...

We have to "have each other's backs"; otherwise, we can be picked-off, torn to pieces, and left for dead spiritually, emotionally and in all the important areas of life. I thank God that Byron and I KNOW that there are other honkin' "buffalo" in our lives that come hell or high water, have our backs - often at great personal sacrifice.

We are the buffalo - and we're not going to give up the fight until all the people who have felt disenfranchised by the church, outside of the grace of God, and disillusioned by "religion" hear that they've not been left...the herd is coming and the "lions" and "crocs" will have to have their appetites for destruction filled another day. The herd is circling...FAIR WARNING.

Love is the movement - Peace out.

What Day Is It?...oh yeah, Happy Wednesday!

2007-08-15T06:46:00.000-04:00

I was reminded last night that tomorrow (today, now) is Wednesday - so, I need to "do" Happy Wednesday. But, I'm getting ready to walk out the door (school and doctors appointments), so I'll have to do a real post later.

So, until then, "Happy Wednesday!" (Amanda). And I hope whatever I write later will make you smile and not depress you at all. Don't even give a moments thought to the death and destruction all around us, global warming, rising political unrest, or the imminent approach of hurricanes...

That stuff will still be "looming" tomorrow - so today, just be happy - it's Wednesday, after all, and that surely is enough!

Peace out.

The Changing Face of Change

2007-08-14T17:26:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow it all begins...the girls go back to school. Actually, they start out at school, and then leave for a 3 day retreat. And then, on Monday, the boys start - and the wheels of the school-year begin to turn. It's hard to believe the summer's over - and this has been a longer summer than usual.

So, now the fall officially begins, at least for me. It's going to be strange to not have the boys in the same building - between homeschooling and our church's school, I've always had at least some of my children close-by. This year's definitely going to be different.

Last year was filled with change, and I'm sure this year will be, in some ways, even more so. I have tried to envision how it will be - new offices, having services in the theater, my boys in public school, both the girls in high school (with Kayleigh graduating at the end of this year!)...so much change, but a lot of it exciting to me.

I've never really been one to struggle with change, even a lot of it. I changed schools more than ten times between kindergarten and graduation, so I had to learn to change. Still, I've never dealt with change more, in my lifetime, than I did last year. It was so profound, that I know that it changed me.

I do look at life differently now. I see people in a different way. I don't assume that many things will be the same tomorrow as they are today. I don't take for granted that just because someone is in my life now that they automatically will be tomorrow. I expect change. I understand that not everyone can handle the pressure of an "anything for the cause" lifestyle. I try not to expect too much or too little - I just have to keep my eyes focused, no matter what changes God allows to come into my life...no matter what.

I used to hear that leadership is lonely, and my idealistic side couldn't accept that as true. I'm too much of an extrovert for that to be true of me...but, it is true. It was a hard lesson to learn - that "holding on" is sometimes not an option, but - especially in a leadership role - it's a luxury that can't be afforded.

So, I look forward to the changes that will be coming this year - I really do. Change can be awesome. It can also be frightening - but, even scary things can lead to wonderful additions to our lives (like childbirth...four times!). I look forward to meeting people who have newly discovered God's grace. I look forward to watching fellow Christ-followers discover their passions, and how to use them fully. I look forward to seeing children excited about church and the love of Jesus. And I look forward to feeling myself embrace change, because I know it will change me and make me more like Christ - No matter what.

Peace.

Beautiful School Supplies

2007-08-13T16:03:00.000-04:00

I love new school supplies - I always have. When I take the plastic wrap off of a new package of loose-leaf paper, I just stare at the clean white sheets, mesmerized - I think it's lovely! And a newly sharpened pencil is glorious. Maybe it's because I'm a poet, or because I'm an idealist - I love things that are clean, fresh and new...

I used to love the beginning of school and the fall - although I grew up here in Florida and the fall here never quite looked like the fall on T.V...But in my mind, it did! New clothes, new friends, clean school-supplies, and a crisp autumn breeze (okay, it was really August and 98 degrees on a hot school bus)...It was beautiful!

Now, as a parent, the process of getting ready for school is...a little more hectic - Wal-mart is a nightmare, the "lists" from the teachers often include obscure items that probably only exist in the southern tip of Madagascar, and my childhood ability to only feel the weather as it exists in my fantasies is somehow fading...maybe it's dying of heat exhaustion!

It's funny how we can remember things a certain way, even if they weren't quite that way in reality. Our perception is so wrapped up in our emotions and experiences, we can fool ourselves into believing it's a crisp fall day even in the sweltering heat of summer.

Christmas is like that for me. Even when it's sunny and 80-something outside, in my heart it's like a Thomas Kinkaide "Wintertime" painting, with smoke-filled chimneys and horse-drawn carriages...I guess because I need it to be that way. We all need a certain amount of idealism in our lives, some of us more than others - it's like hope. To imagine that things are better than reality - to see things how they could be, rather than how they really are.

I'm going to try to remember how I did that when I was a child on the hot school bus, and try to look at things around me with that same sense of hopefulness - and tonight as I "play" with my kid's school supplies, maybe I'll drink some hot chocolate and put on a sweater...

There's beauty all around us - even in unexpected things...like school supplies!

Peace.

The Remains of the Day

2007-08-12T18:35:00.000-04:00

If you know me, then you know that music moves me...

This morning, Riverdale led worship, so I was able to sing and worship without having to be in front of people - we sang many of my favorite choruses - it was awesome! Byron preached about how, at C3, we are dedicated to the truth of Scripture, and as he spoke some of the words from the choruses came back to me, like:

When he spoke of how knowing the "play-book" (Scripture) can keep us from the insecurity of not knowing what to do when life becomes difficult: "Everyone needs compassion - A love that's never failing. Let mercy fall on me."

And when he talked about how living contrary to God's truth causes us harm, like deep gashes on our soul: "Everyone needs forgiveness - The kindness of a Savior. The hope of nations."

Our attendance was up by over a hundred this morning, and as I looked around at the faces, I was reminded again of the point of it all: "So take me as you find me - all my fears and failures. Fill my life again."

And I was challenged to remember that the "C3 reality" number two: Dedicated to the truth of Scripture is worth everything I am and have to pursue: "I give my life to follow - everything I believe in. Now I surrender..."

Then, after the message, we sang: "...I may be down, but I will rise. It may be dark, but God is light." And I looked around the room and saw a church - a community of faith - singing that phrase over and over. We, at C3 church, understand the faithfulness of God, and we will rise and we will shine - And it's going to be a beautiful sight...

Peace.

Random Ramblings

2007-08-11T20:37:00.000-04:00

It's Saturday and I have a few random thoughts:

*Cleaning my house is such a chore, I think I need to go live in a remote monastery somewhere and get rid of all my possessions - I wonder if they would have wi-fi?

*Laundry is the bain of my existence, and I have come to realize that in order for everything to be able to be put away, I need to have a delicate balance of dirty clothes, washing clothes, drying clothes, piled-on-the-couch clothes, folded clothes, and clean-in-the-drawer clothes - If this balance is disrupted by TOO MUCH CLEANING, then my whole domestic eco-system runs amuck!

*How does my microwave end up looking like a crime scene ????!!!!

*What can I possibly say about going to Wal-mart on a Saturday right before school starts when my SUV's "thermometer" registered at 116 degrees!!!!

*There was a time when I was "Pre-law" and going to be a ruthless attorney and live in a beautiful high-rise in New York with a butler and a maid...(as I tell this, you should hear classical music, and I'm speaking with a British accent)

*I'm excited about not having to sing on the platform tomorrow morning - "Riverdale" will be leading worship, so I get to sit in the congregation like a normal person!

*I'm NOT going jogging tonight because I'm getting my exercise the "don't clean my house often enough, and insist on being a pack rat, so now I gotta suffer" way today - I better lose 2-3lbs.!!!!

*Talking about cleaning my house is much more fun than doing it.

*Byron has been very sweet and helpful today - I guess I'll keep him.

*Did I already mention the whole attorney thing?...

Peace out.

Funny commercial 2

2007-08-11T16:31:00.001-04:00

Saturday cleaning really stinks!

Healing Winds

2007-08-10T20:44:00.000-04:00

Today was one of those days.

A day when there were several things on my "To Do" list that, frankly, I just wasn't looking forward to doing - some mundane, and some more urgent - things that caused the procrastinator in me to think, "Can't we do this stuff another day!?" - and in the midst of it all, knowing that I need to be productive today and not get side-tracked with drama or negativity...

I could feel myself desiring to just stay at home, behind closed doors - just give me a reason, and I'll stay in my little "nest". It's just the mood I woke up in.

I went to register the boys for school, and really didn't want to see anyone - again, it's just the mood I woke up in...

Of course, barely in the door, I saw a familiar face...but then something I didn't expect happened - I smiled, then we really recognized each other, and she jumped up and exclaimed, "Angie, give me a hug!". It was then that I realized that she was a dear family friend that I hadn't seen in years. It was so refreshing, and it lifted me. And the winds began to blow...

Then, at the end of the day, there was a "comment" on my blog from a friend I had in high school that I haven't seen in about seventeen years. We emailed back and forth this evening - again, the unexpected words of a friend were like a breath of fresh air.

So, although today I was in "one of those moods", and there were still points of negativity and drama, the healing winds of friendship blew into my day at just the right time. I'm grateful for all of you who are patient, gracious and kind as you read my little thoughts. And hopefully when you're having one of those days, you can find some encouragement in me - that's my prayer.

May you all have peace. Angie

Jogging Blogger?...NOT!

2007-08-08T22:39:00.000-04:00

I jogged tonight for the first time in twenty years - I waited 'til it was really dark because...well, it's been twenty years! I think this was the funniest part of this "Happy Wednesday"!

I have to go somewhere and die now...Peace.

America Still Appreciates A Good Dumb Blond Joke

2007-08-08T20:39:00.001-04:00

Happy, happy Wednesday!! Peace...and laughter to you all.

Happy Wednesday To You

2007-08-08T11:52:00.000-04:00

So, I haven't done a "Happy Wednesday" in a long time. I don't think I remember how to be funny...

A few days ago, we were talking with some friends about random stuff and the subject of dinosaurs came up - I wasn't really paying attention until Byron asked what sound they actually make. "Do they roar?", he said. I replied, (in my defense, because I wasn't really paying attention - not because I'm a dumb blonde), "Of course they roar, you can see them at the zoo, Duh!" Apparently, I don't need to Google "Blonde Jokes" ever again - I provide my own material!

Here's one that made me smile - if you don't like it, well, don't be a hater cuz it's not easy to find short, clean blonde jokes - especially for a blonde. So, here it is:

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!
She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"

The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this
machine while I'm still winning!"

So, there you go - and if that doesn't do it for you, then find some funny, CLEAN, and relatively short blonde jokes and send them to me in a comment - I'm sure all you brunettes out there have heard a few in your time - and you blondes, well, it kind of goes with the territory.

I've just learned to embrace my dorkiness and laugh at myself when I can - life's too short to take yourself too seriously all the time. The mean-spirited critics will

sound-off like they do, so take some of the "teeth" out by laughing at yourself first - there's a lot of freedom in knowing that I don't have to be "perfect" all the time (or ever, for that matter!).

It's Wednesday, and we have another day to enjoy, so, I hope you enjoy it and LAUGH as much
as possible.
Peace.

Choosing to Lose

2007-08-07T17:03:00.000-04:00

How do you know if someone's truly your friend? Having teenage daughters and, well, just being alive, causes this question to arise frequently.

Desiring to be wise about who I take into my confidence requires that I am discerning when it comes to my close circle of friends -
So, if I really want to know about someone, I should look at who they count as their close friends - who do they spend the most time with, listen to, confide in...this is a good gauge of their true attitudes, interests, passions, etc.

There have been times in my life when I've ignored the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship, always to my detriment. Things like:

*My friend talks critically about EVERYONE to me, but I "assume" he/she will NEVER talk about me to everyone else.
*Many of my friend's friends talk trash about me, but I'm SURE he/she defends me...after all, he/she knows me and would always give me the benefit of the doubt.
*My friend seems only concerned about his/her comfort and reputation with no regard for mine, but I'm sure they would be loyal if the "chips were really down".
*My friend seems very concerned about what others think about him/her, but I'm sure if they HAD to make a choice they would choose what's right over what's popular!
*My friend has known me longer/better than those who gossip about me, so I'm sure he/she would not believe gossip without talking to me.

The list could go on, but every time I ignore the "signs" and rely upon assumptions, I allow myself to stay in a toxic friendship - which eventually leads to desiring the approval of someone who doesn't edify me in my "walk". This can become a distraction which leads to discouragement and eventually to disobedience. God desires for me to be wise and not live in denial. Boundaries are very difficult to put in place, but absolutely necessary for healthy relationships.

So, how can we know if someone's a "true friend"? Well, the first place to start is to look at your friend's circle of friends - if you have to put your guard up and bite your tongue every time you're in the presence of this "circle", it's probably not a healthy place for you to be. And, although we are called to treat everyone with the love and grace of God, we have to "lay aside every hindrance" in the race of life - and toxic relationships have to be at the top of the list.

I'm reminded of one of my favorite bits of wisdom from Maya Angelou: "When somone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!"

Be empowered by the fact that friendship is a choice, and sometimes it's best to "choose to lose" - in fact, close friendships are rare and should be chosen carefully and refined. If a friend is not loyal and true during the good times, he/she will more than likely abandon you in the times when you need them the most. We can save that job for those who aren't so close...it hurts a lot less.

Knowing who your true friends are is a gift, wondering is torture - life is too short to wonder. Refine your list and find the freedom in knowing who you can turn to - it saves a lot of heartache and lets you "run" with the freedom God intended!

And remember there is "a friend who sticks closer than a brother"...and even if He's the only one who makes the list, you'll be fine.

Peace.

Redeem the Time

2007-08-06T22:32:00.000-04:00

It feels like my early days of blogging when I would often blog more than once in a single day, but I've had a fever today, so I've not done much. I'm giving myself today to get better - tomorrow there's too much to do to be sick...so, needless to say, I've done a lot of thinking today.

I've always had a weak immune system - if I get stressed or upset, my body seems to shut-down and just stop working well. I've prayed about this and tried to put things in place to keep from getting run down...but, that and being a pastor's wife/mother of four doesn't seem to go hand in hand. So, I've kind of learned to look at it as a constant reminder to rule out the bad (bad food, bad influences, bad relationships) and increase the peace.

So, tomorrow morning I'm hoping for a normal temp' so Byron and I can get out for a long walk, put in some time at the office, then maybe "Whole Foods" for some healthy stuff so I'm not tempted to eat junk when dinner rolls around. I've got to plan ahead to make the most out of my days, so there are less like today when not much got done. The kids go back to school soon, so I want to spend some time with them before they're out of the house all day.

Byron and I got an email about our 20 year high school reunion today, so I've thought a lot about what I thought my life would be like verses what it is like - in some ways it's so hard to believe it's been that long, but so much has happened during those years that it also seems like it must have been longer. I guess everyone feels like that about the passage of time...

It goes by and I'm learning more every day that I have to make the most of each day because I will never get this day back.

"Redeem the time, because the days are evil" - That's the awesome thing about the grace of God - each day that He gives us is a day that He has bought back or redeemed for us so that we can live for Him.

Time is a wonderful gift - I don't want to waste it. Peace.

Remembering How to Fly

2007-08-06T13:13:00.000-04:00

I always feel at home on the water - maybe because I was a "summer baby", and maybe because I learned to swim before I could walk (literally). Water has always had a calming, "centering" effect on me, and our day on the lake in the Ozark mountains was especially memorable.

We spent the whole day on a 30,000 acre spring-fed lake in between the mountains. We climbed to the top of rocks to jump off. We found a tiny island to explore. And we laughed and swam and acted like children. It was awesome!

It had been too long since I forgot to be a "grown-up" and just jumped off a cliff without thinking twice. It was exhilarating and relaxing at the same time!

So, now it's back to the "real world" - and I feel like Peter Pan trying not to grow up and forget the magical powers of thinking like a child...it can fade if we don't choose to NOT FORGET...to remember how to fly. Do you remember what it felt like?

Don't forget - and if you're starting to, then JUMP OUT OF THE BOAT!!! :-)

Come on in, the water's fine...Peace.

The Remains of the Day

2007-08-05T18:33:00.000-04:00

The sun is going down on another Sunday...
I was moving slow this morning - looking forward to being back at C3 with everyone, but not feeling very well...so, moving slow. I was scheduled to sing "All for Love", but I could feel my voice fading - so I just prayed for the voice to get through that one song.
Seeing the people worshipping God always gives me strength, so I made it through the song sets, and was encouraged by the smiles and voices of everyone praising God: "The Enemy has been defeated - Death couldn't hold You down - We're gonna lift our voice in victory - We're gonna make Your praises loud..."

So we "shouted unto God with a voice of triumph", and for a little while all the heaviness and burdens of the journey faded away...there was only the sound of praise... and the love.

And I was reminded that He is always faithful to give us what we need...not always what we want, but always what we need. I wanted to sing with a strong voice, but He allowed me to have to totally rely on Him because I couldn't do it on my own - and at the end of the day, that's the best place to be. To be reminded that I can't do it on my own is an awesome thing. It's also very freeing to let go.

Letting go has been a hard-learned lesson for me this year. I've wrestled so much with just letting "His will be done", but there's freedom in the sacrifice, and there's peace in embracing the fact that the presence of pain, struggle, and even grief doesn't mean that He's abandoned me like others do - He's still there working and growing me. So, letting go and being still in his mercy gets me further than all of my efforts - the rescuing comes after the surrender...

So, it was another good day - another day to live, to love, to give, and to serve...weak voice and all...for His strength is made perfect in my weakness, and His breath is all I need to keep singing - even if He's the only One who can hear me.

Remember: "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord!"

Live strong!! Peace.

Let Us Run!

2007-08-04T15:50:00.000-04:00

How does He want us to live?
Like uninspired followers of an ordinary way?
Like unforgiving zealots of a target never reached?
Like selfish children fighting to be "teacher's pet"?
Like bullies or like priests?
How should we live to represent Him well?

Should we not live like we are:
Seasoned runners with our eyes fixed on Jesus as our only prize...
One grace-blessed beggar sharing newly found bread with another...
Forgiven ones who see others as:
The future joy of heaven
The lost lamb for whom He has searched
His most treasured creation and expression of love
The reason for His life, His ministry, His death...

How does He want us to live?
He wants us to love abundantly, give unsparingly, pray unceasingly.
He wants us to give, to dance, and to sing - all in His name...
He wants us to run...like there's no tomorrow...run like everything depends on the passing of the baton...run with our head back and eyes focused on the prize.

We must live, love, give, and run...and the "great cloud of witnesses" is always there cheering us on.

Because the face of heaven will be determined by how well we run, how much we give, how often we tell...
For how will they hear if we do not tell them, and how will they know if we don't show the way...

How does He want us to live?
Our human minds cannot fathom the depths of His desires for us, but it is not for us to waste much time in contemplation, but rather to:

Go, do, love, give, dance, sing, rejoice, weep, comfort, forgive, embrace, and...RUN.

For tomorrow could very well find us on the other side with no more miles to give to the journey. And then we will have only what we made of today to offer at His feet.

So, let us make the most of the miles, and add one more to heaven's number.
While there's still time, let us run!

Seventy Times Seven

2007-08-03T22:21:00.000-04:00

I don't really have anything to blog about tonight. Of course, I have plenty of thoughts, and even more words, but I don't really feel like putting them together in an organized way...

What others have written today says it better than could: Leigh Ann, Travis and Byron have all blogged about the things that have been on my mind - not consuming my thoughts because getting four kids ready for the school year can really occupy a person's time, but they have given a voice to some of my own thoughts...

So, I would direct you to their blogs since I can't seem to put my thoughts in order enough to do them justice, and I don't really have to, since others have done it so well for me.

All I'll say is:

*I thank God for His great love and mercy
*I thank God for a husband who is not swayed by the criticisms of men or the accolades of the religious
*I thank God for a church leadership team that is brave and trustworthy
*I thank God for the "remnant" at C3 who has changed the face of heaven through their love and sacrifice
*I thank God for friends who stick closer than brothers
*I thank God for children who walk in truth

And, I thank God for the ultimate Truth: that His Gospel is bigger than the plans of men and stronger than the Evil One. That His love is the only answer. That we are blessed to carry His message - though our hands and feet be unworthy and worn-out in the delivery. He makes our scars trophies to His grace and our feet beautiful in His sight. And we are blessed to carry out His will.

We are blessed. I am blessed, and I thank God for all of these things for I know where they come from...

So, tonight, I thank God that I have the writings of others to express what's on my heart and mind. But, I also thank Him because He already knows...and He knows the truth about C3 and what it means to so many. It's about love, after all, and...

LOVE WINS! PEACE.

Preparing for Falling Leaves

2007-08-02T18:37:00.000-04:00

So, being home is kind of weird...after traveling so much. There wasn't a schedule, really, but every day was full of trying to make the most our time. Of course then, the night before we were supposed to leave to come home, Byron got a call that his grandfather had passed away...so, we headed back to Texas instead of coming home. The visitation-funeral-graveside was a two-day affair - the graveside was at the Bledsoe Family cemetery (I got to see where I will be buried!) which was three hours away from the funeral - so we traveled about 7 hours on that day, then began our 16 hour trip home the next. In some ways, I feel like we spent a lot of our vacation just trying to get somewhere.

Maybe that's an analogy for my life - especially lately - I spend so much time and energy just trying to get somewhere, that sometimes I have little time to enjoy where I am and those around me along for the ride.

We have been trying to get the kid's rooms (mainly the boy's) organized and junk-free before the next school year begins - throwing away broken toys, finishing projects in their rooms that we started when we moved-in but have since put on the "back burner", and the clock is ticking again for all that will take place in the fall...But, as we work, organize, de-clutter, etc...I'm trying to enjoy my kids and Byron. I want to make the most of the time because it goes so quickly...It doesn't take a funeral to remind me of that.

And I know it's working because as I was wiping down the kitchen counter, going through boxes of outgrown clothes, and throwing away broken toys (all at once - I'm A.D.D., remember!), Nate, my ten year old, stopped me and gave me a kiss and said, "I love you, Mommy."

So, I've been reminded again that these days, though hectic and sometimes mundane, won't last forever...they blow away like the autumn leaves...So, I will cherish them and save them in my heart and mind for the days when life is much quieter and more boring...

Because the journey is the destination, after all!

Love someone today! Peace.

Comments Anyone?

2007-08-02T09:07:00.000-04:00

By the way, for some reason my blog only allows comments if you click on the TITLE. Also, if you want to see what others have commented you have to do the same thing - I'm not sure why this is, but oh well. Look forward to hearing from you - sorry it's HIGH MAINTENANCE (Okay, no comments about how fitting that is!). Peace.

2007-08-01T21:40:00.000-04:00

A long and winding road...

the perfect purple flower...

Peace.

From Dusk to Dawn

2007-08-01T20:05:00.000-04:00

The scenery in the mountains was breathtaking, and since my current obsession is photography (although my skill level hardly warrants the title "photography"), I had to take pictures of absolutely EVERYTHING. My family (and the other captive audience members) got used to seeing me jump out of the car on a steep overhang or nearly get hit by a trolley-car just to get the perfect shot of a perfect purple flower.

And if the scenery was great during the day, it was even better at dusk and dawn. The cabin was three stories with two balconies, so I tried to get up early and absorb the dawn (some morning "dawn" was literal - on others it was very figurative. In my world, dawn is more of a state of mind, like happiness). But one thing I noticed is that the beauty of dusk and dawn is very similar. When you're enjoying the dim tranquility of either one and absorbed in the peacefulness of being still in the wonder of God's creation, it's difficult to remember whether the sun is coming up or going down.

Recently, I was looking at photographs on the "wide world of web", and this struck me then, too - I noticed that the picture entitled "Swiss Mountains at Dawn" and "Sunset in Switzerland" looked very much alike - both breathtaking, of course!

The past year has been full of many things - some seemingly wonderful, and others won't be remembered fondly. As I spent time reflecting on all God has allowed into my life - things that brought happiness and grief - I realized that everything can work together for my good (the "goings" down and the "comings" up), that I can still bask in the dim tranquility of all God is doing around me even the colors created by the art of pain.

So, whether it's twilight or a new day dawning, I will praise the Artist - "...the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away - Blessed be the name of the Lord!"

P.S. Thanks for still reading though my blogs have been few and far between this past month. I pray for all of you to find true peace from the True Peacemaker. It's a long and winding road (sometimes requiring a little Bonine), but it is definitely the way to travel. Thanks for sharing it with me...

Peace.

Now This Is What I Call a Cabin!

2007-08-01T12:10:00.000-04:00

If you really want to "get away", then the Ozarks are a great place to start. Mountain Time just moves at a different pace, it definitely takes some getting used to. Byron and I needed to be forced to rest, sit and not run around in the "rat race" of every day life in the ministry.

It's funny, though, that when you become used to the hectic pace of city-life, the slower pace of the country can be less relaxing until you give up your need for instant gratification. Nothing happens quickly in the mountains, even driving takes longer when you're winding around steep mountain roads (and having to take Bonine just to go to the laundry-mat).

I've gotta run - because now I'm home in the city, and the "rat race" has missed me.

Peace.

iMac Rewind

2007-07-31T18:38:00.001-04:00

At the end of the mission-work portion of IMAC, the kids/counselors really stepped-up and made an additional tangible difference in a family's life. They took up an "offering" for one of the homes that had significant damage, and raised money to replace their ceiling fan. Because of their sacrificial generosity, Byron decided to add to their gift, and we were able to get the fan and many other items to help Miss Fanny, and her three great-grandchildren be a little more comfortable in the Texas heat. Again, C3 and the name of Christ were represented well, and we all were reminded to appreciate the blessings that we have - like air conditioning!

2007-07-31T17:52:00.000-04:00

Kayleigh fell in love with Miss Fannie's great-granddaughter India. She, Andrea and Jenny helped India put together all her new Barbie stuff. Girls rule!

2007-07-31T17:45:00.000-04:00

Barry hung a new net for Miss Fannie's great-grandsons who love to play ball.

C3 Party in the Big "D"

2007-07-29T18:57:00.000-04:00

After the work was done, we took the party to Dallas. Texas Stadium was our first stop, then Six Flags, then Fellowship Church of Grapevine for Sunday morning church. Although everyone was exhausted after their labor and lack of sleep, the group had a great time unwinding in the big "D"!

There are many other photos - some of which I have added to prior posts (my "Blackberry Blogs") in order to fill in some of the blanks.

It was awesome, and it's also awesome to be home. I'm looking forward to getting back into a routine, gearing up for the fall, and getting back to C3! Peace.

IMAC in Beaumont (It's So C3!)

2007-07-29T18:43:00.000-04:00

Many of the C3 youth and adults went to Beaumont, Texas to be a part of IMAC - a youth camp/mission trip. During the days, they were working in homes that still had damage from hurricane Rita. In the Southeast Texas heat and humidity, they all worked tirelessly to help others less fortunate than they are - they represented C3 and Christ well, and Byron and I are very proud.

Happy Birthday, Nate The Great!

2007-07-17T22:04:00.000-04:00

Today is a great day mainly because ten years ago our Nate The Great was born. We've been celebrating all day in our cabin in the mountains.

Byron, the kids and I, Byron's parents, Barry O. and Adam make this quite a full house, but we're having fun. Byron and I had great fun hanging-out at the local laundry-mat for a couple of hours this morning washing laundry for eight.

We spent a few hours downtown Eureka Springs, and then came home to bake birthday cake which didn't turn out quite right (Ethan asked me if it's because I'm not a very good cook...I didn't answer, just changed the subject). Then, some of us were traumatized by the presence of a racoon at the back glass door - names won't be mentioned.

So,now I'm finally getting to spend some time blogging, although still on my phone.

My next blog (after my fingers get a rest) will be about all that God did at IMAC student camp last week - it was awesome.

Byron's cleaning the kitchen, and I really need to help, at least to salvage my self-esteem in the domestic domain...if I can't cook, the least I can do is clean...

I love this cabin, I love these mountains, I love that my son is still not too old to crawl in bed with us in the morning to tell us about his dream. I thank God for all of His blessings - like blessing us with our very own Nate the Great! Happy Birthday, Buddy!

Arkansas, Here We Come!

2007-07-16T16:58:00.000-04:00

We are currently driving through a rainstorm somewhere in Oklahoma - we have eight people in our Excursion, so to say it's crowded would be an understatement, but everyone's being a trooper.

This week in TX was awesome, and I took a bazillion pictures which I hope to post as soon as I have access to high speed wireless again. I'm definitely going through Internet withdrawals - thank goodness for Blackberry technology! Fellowship Church was great, but of course we missed being at C3.

So now we're headed to Arkansas - I wonder if I'll get wi-fi there? Anyway, I hope the mountains are ready for us 'cuz we're coming like a Mack truck! Peace.

C3 Students Rock!

2007-07-10T17:10:00.000-04:00

I've only got a few minutes of internet access before I go back to the church here in Texas to make dinner for the kids (IMAC - C3 youth mission trip). It's been a long hard day for the kids and counselors, after a 19 hour bus ride. Last night and this morning we had awesome services led by Robbie Robision and Travis Conrad with music by "Riverdale". Then today the group broke up into teams to do hurricane repair work in some homes around Beaumont. The work is grueling and it's VERY HOT! We are making sure they are all drinking lots of water and Gatorade - they are all working hard and well-representing Christ and C3. I know the people who have been living in these damaged homes will be thankful for their labors. I've been taking lots of pictures and will post them ASAP. Everyone is well, but tired and we are all looking forward to what God is going to do tonight in the service! More info will follow as I often as I can get to a computer. Pray for us! Peace.

A Blackberry, a Blog, and a Big Vocab (aka: The Perfect Storm!)

2007-07-09T12:01:00.000-04:00

So blogging from a Blackberry on the road somewhere on I-10 is not easy. This is definitely going to shorten the length of my blog (and the people cheered...). But, at least I have neglected my nails, and they are very short - I'm really rethinking the importance of proper punctuation and grammar though! I also didn't realize how many long words I use. I need to get dumber if this is going to be workable at all! I don't know how Kayleigh and Ashley text messege so fast - I guess it's all about motivation! That's all I've got for now - my fingers are exhausted (like I can't just say "tired"? - I've got to change my ways!!). Peace!

The Remains of the Day

2007-07-08T23:34:00.000-04:00

We've driven into the night, and now I'm exhausted but wanted to re-cap the day:

I woke up this morning feeling not very rested, and knowing there were "miles to go before we sleep..."

But the minute I got to church and saw the beautiful room with a bazillion candles burning (the set design I like to call "Christian Gothic"), I began to unwind a little bit and focus on the morning...

We began the service with several baptisms, as usual, the majority being adults. We've seen a trend that way, and the coolest part is that the entire family almost always ends up coming know God also...

There is just something about an acoustic set that calm you - usually our music is quite...energetic, but today we planned it to be more...restful. The opening of an acoustic duet and scripture passages on the screen was lovely, and just what I needed...

The message was about "rest" and the passage was the 23rd Psalm (in the Message version it's particularly lovely). ...

Following the message was another music set. For the final song we re-introduced a song that we sang for the first time last Sunday. When we got to the chorus, Darrell decided to let the congregation sing - so he pulled his mic down. What happened next was phenomenal - the congregation was singing so loudly (a new song they had just learned) that it caused Darrell to become emotional...of course, then I had to drop my mic. But the people kept singing!...

We just stood there and worshiped God by listening to his people sing "Oh no, You never let go - through the calm and through the storm..." It was fantastic, and we really got to feel the Spirit of God through the voices of His people...and they know it's true. They could sing that song passionately because C3 is a church who has come through the fire and the storm...

This morning, the people lifting their voices so strongly reminded me that we have survived to be a testimony of the grace and power of God - a power that cannot be quieted by men...

I was also reminded that God's rest doesn't have anything to do with my circumstances, in the Psalm David says "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death" (death is looming over, and casting it's shadows around me). So, God, the Shepherd, is leading to green pastures right through the Valley!: Finding rest in God is not about my where I am, but Whose I am....

Thanks for reminding me, C3! "...If my God is with me, whom then shall I fear!"

Peace.

2007-07-08T08:21:00.000-04:00

Happy, Happy Birthday!

Peace.

Happy Birthday, Baby!

2007-07-08T07:43:00.000-04:00

Today is Byron's birthday.

I've shared twenty birthday's with him now, and I can honestly say that I've never known anyone who has used their years in a more productive way in the areas of change and growth. He is continually on the move - moving in the direction of hope. Someone once said that when someone is singularly focused on something, to where it becomes almost an obsession, then they function "south of normal", well, that applies to Byron in his obsession with following Christ, only it causes him to live..."North of Normal"!

So, Happy Birthday, Baby. You've been a wonderful husband and father, leader and friend - and I look forward to watching you make the most of the next twenty birthdays...I know you're headed further North!

Love and blessings to you. Love, Angie.

Candle in the Wind...

2007-07-07T22:07:00.001-04:00

It's somewhat ironic that we begin a series at C3 tomorrow about how to "Rest in God" - today has been one of those days when I've felt like I've been on a treadmill set on "high" and it won't stop...my little candle is feeling a little wind-blown tonight, and now I'm trying to wind down so that I can get prepared to sleep and rest for all that will take place in the morning. I believe it will be a beautiful service - the platform "set" is beautiful and tranquil, and the music set is beautiful and inspiring. And Byron is preaching from the 23rd Psalm - beautiful. To me, the reoccurring theme is the beauty of God's rest - the kind that only He can provide. I need that tonight, my mind is racing will all of the things still left to do. My heart is heavy for the thought of some friends who won't be there, and excited for the new friends I will make as they discover the love and mercy of God.

(By the way, tomorrow also happens to be Byron's birthday - I won't say how old he'll be, but he IS one year closer to the big 4-0!)

So, tonight, I'm listening to Enya (my favorite is "May it Be" from the Lord of the Rings), and I'm choosing to focus on the beautiful aspects of the love and mercy of a God, my God of Rest - because He hears, He knows - all of our difficulties, dreams, fears - He knows and He sees. So, I can rest in Him and all of His Beauty...and sleep in peace, dreaming of all of the hearts He will touch and change with His Beauty tomorrow...

"May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home

MorniÃ« utÃºliÃ«
Believe and you will find your way
MorniÃ« alantiÃ«
A promise lives within you now

May it be the shadow's call
Will fly away
May it be your journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun

MorniÃ« utÃºliÃ«
Believe and you will find your way

MorniÃ« alantiÃ«
A promise lives within you now

A promise lives within you now" (Enya "May it Be")

And even on days like today when I feel like a candle in the wind, I can rest in His shelter, and experience the Beautiful Rest of God...and the wind doesn't feel quite so strong. May it be that you rest in Him as well.

His Peace.

One Pilgrim's Progress

2007-07-06T18:15:00.000-04:00

So I know I have 24 hours in a day, just like everyone else. But some days those 24 represent a lot more accomplishments than others. Today definitely won't go down in the books as a stellar day for checking-off my "To Do" list. I haven't been feeling very well for the past few days, so I've mostly been watching Byron work (he's redecorating our bedroom - I've been telling him that he's like a much, much more masculine Christopher Lowell). I've got a list of things to get done before we leave that's a mile long, only I don't feel up to it.
When I was younger, and Byron traveled in evangelism, I literally could pack for a two-week trip (with three kids - and two of them home-schooled) in two hours.
Not these days. I guess I'm hoping for a second-wind (or, in this case, a first wind) so I can get everything done that has to be done.

Someone asked me recently why I blog. I guess it's a good question, although I've never really thought about why. There are many reasons: because I love to write, because it's therapeutic to express myself in a healthy way, because I feel some responsibility to others to let them into my journey, because, in some way, I feel like I was born to do this...

But, more importantly, there are a few reasons that are NOT "why" I blog:

*it's not to just journal (I could buy a notebook for that), although my own personal thoughts and feelings drive the subject matter, it's not just about a journal of my day.

*it's not to make other women feel intimidated or inadequate as I list my domestic or spiritual achievements (I am neither Martha Stewart nor Beth Moore - as you know if you read my blogs...ever!)

*it's not to "get back" at others who've hurt or offended me - in fact, this blog has really been a caveat for reflection and growth in my life in the area of forgiveness ("what I don't deal with, I become")

*it's not to point out my personal frustrations with any individual just to "get it off my chest", but rather I desire to use my observations to facilitate change

*it's not to complain or rant about other's shortcomings, but rather to address issues that I deal with - especially as it relates to being a woman - as these things come into my life, I process them, and look to Christ and His word for how to deal with them, then I can pass along what I'm learning in the struggle and journey

The reasons why I blog are evolving all the time - like, hopefully, I am (not in the Darwin-way, but in the Jesus-way).

I certainly hope my words have been a source of encouragement to you. Of course, how you "hear" what I say is also dependent upon your own state of mind and heart (if you read with an agenda...well, all flows through that filter). Please read through the filter of love and grace, for that truly is the spirit in which I try to write - even when I write challenging things (it always challenges me first).

I'm just one pilgrim on a journey, and if I can encourage you in the race, then I'll keep on blogging...and you keep on running. Don't give up, ever!

Hebrew 12(MSG):
1-3Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

It's all about the journey, because the journey IS the destination!

Peace.

The Best Medicine

2007-07-05T21:42:00.000-04:00

I've not been feeling well today.
So unlike many, many others (you know who you are), I'm going to blog twice in one day. My friend Leigh Ann told a funny story about her daughter not "liking Jesus" because of how scary he looks in the "Passion" book of photos.
I understand this.
Maybe because I think like a four year old, and maybe because, although without the brutality of how Christ died I wouldn't have hope, sometimes - like tonight - I need to think of Jesus laughing. I need to know that, in Him, there is such overwhelming joy - even in sorrow or illness - that he couldn't help but laugh. And because of his great love for all of us, which many times caused him to weep, he found such joy and happiness in just watching us and in being with us.

I also think that if we could show the world the many sides of Jesus - his love and sacrifice, his justice and grace, his tears and his laughter - maybe they would be more drawn to him instead of reacting to our often poor imitation of a one-dimensional somber God with no joy or sense of humor. He created us with all of our dramatic, hilarious, crazy and fun-loving propensities. He offers life to the fullest, in that must be joy and even hilarious laughter.

So tonight I'm going to think of the things that just must make God chuckle or even laugh out loud. I don't really know what makes God laugh, but it can't be that different than what makes us laugh (except for our own bloopers - since God has none), I especially think he enjoys watching us enjoy his creation:

For example:
* a baby giggling at nothing at all
* a puppy barking at a reflection of himself
* an elderly couple reminiscing
* the inside jokes of best friends
* a surprise party that really works
* a really good practical joke that really works
* a married couple finally able to laugh at their "crazy" family members
* a million little things that make us laugh every day
* a person who learns the freedom of laughing at herself - because she doesn't have a clue how to be...a pastor's wife, for instance.

I believe Jesus laughed often. I need to believe it tonight. I'm going to find a way to laugh out loud tonight, and all I need to do is look around to find something to smile about. It's all about perspective.

I hope you laugh tonight, and every day...I believe it makes God smile.

Peace (and hilarious laughter) to you.

Hello, World!

2007-07-05T08:42:00.000-04:00

July is going to be a hard month for the blogger in me.
It feels like no one blogs and no one reads.

So this morning I was looking at my analytics report for the month, and of course, my views are at an all-time low since I began blogging.

Then I began to notice the shading on my "map overview" - As of this morning, when Australia was shaded-in for the first time, every continent is represented in viewing my little blog. It makes the world seem huge and so small all at the same time.

So, welcome Australia! And Hello, world!! Thanks for making me not feel so alone in my little corner of the world on this day after a national holiday when it feels like "no one blogs and no one reads".

I did watch fire-works last night (at the Loper's new town-home), they were beautiful, and I kept my word and I did remember all of the sacrifices others have made so that I could watch fireworks in the rain (with no umbrella). The fireworks were lovely, and being with friends and family was lovely too.

It truly is a small world when you have friends in every continent. Thanks for reminding me. Hello from my little corner of this small, yet vast, world...

Peace.

Independence Day

2007-07-04T13:25:00.000-04:00

Happy Wednesday!

Of course, today I'm thinking a lot about freedom and independence.

Earlier this week, we spent some time at my grandmother's house. We let the kids swim, and had lunch. She made "Schenkinfleckel", a German noodle and ham dish that I love, but should avoid if I'm trying to watch my diet...(I didn't, though - Oh well!).

My grandfather was a sergeant/major in the army during WWII. He was a West Virginian, who grew up during the Depression (similar to the "Walton's"), a country-boy who was part Cherokee Indian - so, very well suited to be a tough army "Sarge". During the war, his "command" ended up in a little German town where they set up their headquarters in the largest house in town. There he met a beautiful German girl named Johanna.

After his troop was transferred, Johanna had to escape in the night because the Nazis were coming to "take them away" - her father was known in town as a big business man, and it was rumored that her mother was a Jew. Her father died of a heart attack as he was being taken away, but the rest of the family made their escape in the night. Of course, through all of this the "Sarge" and Johanna lost contact because they had no way to find out where the other had ended up.

Johanna finally arrived at a safe house where they knew of the American army man, and they were able to get a message to him. Johanna and the sergeant were married shortly after this at an army base, and she came to America with nothing but a few treasures she was able to hide from the Nazis as she crossed over the boarder into Switzerland (much like "The Sound of Music").

The sergeant and his German sweetheart had three daughters: Eloise (Elli), Johanna (Joey), and Dorothy (Dottie), and Joey had four daughters of which I am the oldest. So, my little German grandmother is Johanna who escaped so many years ago, so that now she can make us all "Schenkinfleckel" and her wonderful braided bread - which I discovered recently is exactly like "Challah" a Jewish bread...so, now when I eat it, or make it myself, I feel connected again to my great-grandmother who had to hide her identity so many years ago just to stay alive.

So, because of the strength and courage of my grandparents, I'm here today, able to spend the morning with my kids - able to have a leisurely "Fourth of July" cleaning my house and preparing to go on vacation...not anything like having to leave all of your possessions in the middle of the night, or fighting in a war as a young soldier in a foreign land. I have the opportunity to do the many things that bring me so much joy - even worshiping God - because of their sacrifice.

So, Independence Day really resonates for me. And I know there are others being strong and courageous even as I type, so that we can even celebrate a day such as this. To say I'm grateful would be an understatement, but I am. I am a multi-cultural sold-out Christ-follower with a flair for the dramatic who has the ability to express my opinions and hopes and dreams, all because of FREEDOM and SACRIFICE.

I am so thankful for these blessings. It's Independence Day, and tonight as I see the fireworks explode, I will remember...and think of all of those who've gone before me who've paid for my freedom. It's a beautiful thing!

Happy Wednesday, and happy, happy Independence Day!

Frieden. (German)
Dohiyi. (Cherokee)
Shalom. (Hebrew)

Peace.

A House Full of Dreams

2007-07-03T23:14:00.000-04:00

I think I've lost the ability to blog.

So I had this horrible dream last night and woke Byron up at about 4:00a.m. to tell him that I'd had the most horrible dream - in it Ethan was falling and I couldn't catch him in time... - So then Byron couldn't sleep either so he got up to check on the kids...and now it's really late and I can't fall asleep! This morning I told Byron that I didn't ever want to fall asleep again; of course, I was just being dramatic - I know what can happen if you don't sleep for prolonged periods of time, as I have seen "House" and "20/20" (I get all of my medical info from shows like this - and if you need legal advice, I have seen just about every episode of "Law & Order" - all during times like this when I CAN'T SLEEP!)

So now, for the past two days, every time Byron hears me "clicking" on the computer, he says, "Are you blogging?", and I just respond "no, I'm just commenting", and tonight he says, "you're the only one I know who comments as long as most people's blogs." I wanted to argue, but who am I kidding, it's true (Sorry, Leigh Ann).

So my dream really reminded me of how much I love my kids.
Ethan (my baby - the real one. Just in case you thought his name was "Sugar Boy", that's my dog) cracks me up with his six-year-old insights on the world. He also happens to still think I'm cool AND pretty - He smiles constantly, unless he's being competitive, then he's the "ice man".
Nate is very pensive and inquisitive - he thinks about EVERYTHING. He's in the "reporter stage" of development where his favorite thing to do is bug his older sisters, especially if he can gross them out. He's a lot of fun, and some times I try to picture what it's going to be like when he's a foot taller and some girl thinks he's cute...I'll think about that tomorrow.
Ashley is one of our teenage girls (that's right, we have two under the same roof). She's very artistic and has a great sense of humor - it's a dry wit, and she could beat anyone in an eye-rolling contest (except maybe me at her age). She seems to be developing a real knack for writing, and I'm looking forward to reading more of her thoughts since she has now started blogging herself. She has a strong sense of herself which is so cool to see.
Kayleigh is the oldest (so are both of her parents - so she really has the first-born gene!), she has always had the ability to meet new people - no one has ever remained a stranger to her for long. She is becoming a strong woman with her own set of values. Being the oldest, she has dealt with the brunt of the negativity from people who don't like this or that in the church, and she has developed a strong sense of purpose through understanding why we do what we do - and honesty and loyalty have become HUGE to her.

All of them - my kids - are growing into a force to be reckoned with, in their own personal way, for God. They are each so unique and I know God will mold them to do His will and purpose. They're wonderful, and I thank God for the gift of my "full house".

So now it's either sleep, or more "Law & Order"...

Peace.

The Remains of the Day

2007-07-01T22:47:00.000-04:00

This morning was great. Attendance was up, even though it's summer in Florida and the week of a National Holiday. By accident, I wore red, white and blue...which caused people to comment on my patriotism, Oh well...I am very patriotic, just not very organized in my fashion, but it all worked-out.

For some reason, I keep thinking about one thing today...I've been mulling it over since lunch, and even dreamed about it in my afternoon nap. I keep thinking about influence - specifically the influence of women. What does it mean to be a woman of influence? Not just a woman known for her skills as a manipulator, a convincer or arguer, and not one just known for being able to "get her way" - but what allows a woman to truly be able to influence, to effect a change in a positive direction?

I've seen it more times than I care to count: the spineless husband apologetically or rebelliously following behind his unbending, opinionated wife who through fits of complaints, the silent treatment or frigidity, or just sheer demands, controls every aspect of their lives - from how to raise the kids to where they'll go to church.

I've heard many of these women ask fervently (and in their most spiritual voice) for prayer that their husbands would become the spiritual leader in their home ("I don't want to lead, but I have to lead!"). Yet, if one of these men would dare to try to make a decision, much less actually LEAD, these same women would throw a tantrum that would make a three year old on a candy binge take notes.

Being good at making those around you (especially your family) dread one of your lectures, pouting-fits, or super-spiritual glares, shouldn't be the caveat by which we influence those in our circles. Submission isn't about not having strength or a mind of your own - it takes real strength to place your rights and wants under the submission of someone else - but it's the only way to be free...

Being a strong woman who follows a strong leader (Christ first, my husband second) isn't easy, but it is the true path to greater influence. And it can allow for greater growth and development of my children and all those around me. And my husband and kids don't have to live in fear of embarrassing moments when "mom doesn't get her way". This is something I have to work on every day, and after observing a scenario like this at lunch today (and being embarrassed for the husband and kids of a woman who hasn't gotten her attitude in order), I am reminded again to be vigilant in my efforts to be strong in the true sense of the word, not as a sour-faced bully who leads my husband around like a "purse-dog" (I already have one of those, and I certainly don't wish for my husband to be like him).

Just a thought, and a challenge - to myself first, of course.

Peace.

Let Me Not...

2007-06-30T22:03:00.000-04:00

Let me not be distracted by the common things
The little things that catch my eye and cause me to give a moment's pause
Let me not linger too long in dismay over the evidences of my journey
The tell-tale signs of my struggles written on my face in deeper lines and creases
Let me not agonize over the fading of youth and beauty
But only ask what You see in the creases and the lines
Let me not gather the ashes of my yesterdays
In wishing for things discarded by Your hand
Let me not collect my scars like keepsakes held in pretty jars
To be admired and cherished for my own sake
Let me not be distracted by the common things
Let me not linger, agonize, gather, collect
Unless it is to:
Linger at Your feet
Agonize over another's soul
Gather the evidences of Your grace
Collect the memories of Your blessings
In these I will glory and dwell
And from them, let me not ever wander too far.

Peace.

Renaissance Man

2007-06-28T14:12:00.000-04:00

So I went to a great sushi restaurant yesterday for lunch. It was Ah-mazing ("Fusian" - on Woodberry); it was so good that I took Byron back there for supper. During lunch, I kept thinking that he would love the modern yet organic decor, and he would think their new age/jazz music was cool, etc...

When we got there, they gave us the table I knew he'd like (it has these cool orange wingbacks - super comfy).

So as he was "popping" edamame, and drinking Voss (his favorite sparking water), I began to think about how much he's changed since I met him over 20 years ago. To say that he's different now is an understatement. He didn't branch-out very often, back then, in the area of food, decor, music, or the way he dressed. He was a typical "meat and potatoes" Texan - everything normal and predictable - no surprises! Then, he met me, and God called him into the pastorate...

For years he did the whole normal pastor thing, the double-breasted suits and the pastor hair (he DID have hair). He never was particularly political, but he could "bring it" in the pulpit - so he was always "successful". His administrative skills and loyalty (and the utter lack of the typical "messianic complex" that most in the ministry suffer from) caused him to be a great associate, then senior pastor...Then, he began to desire more - more than the safe, predictable ministry at which he was excelling.

So he did something that was absolutely contrary to his very existence up to that point. Something that no one would've recommended. He changed. He changed everything from his philosophy of ministry to his hair. He shaved his head and threw out the preacher pretense. He started looking for ways to experience more out of life than canned green-beans and pot-roast. He began to truly look at people as opportunities for connection rather than a project to feel successful (I think the latter may be taught as a seminary course "How to feel successful in your ministry by how many circles you can run around in without ever truly effecting life-change" - well, the title may not be that long). He began to refuse to be in bondage to the dictates of the religious, but instead really asked "What would Jesus do?". He began to demand more of himself and those around him, and ask the question, "Why is this community of faith placed here in this area - are we accomplishing the work of Christ, or just building a legacy unto ourselves...?"

He asked, and the masses answered - vehemently (the religious) and overwhelmingly (the unchurched). He was vilified, attacked, threatened, lied-about and betrayed - and yet he continued to push for more...more change, more authenticity, more love of the person of Christ rather than the tradition of man...He walked on through the fire and the storm, and never wavered except to say to me, "If it becomes too much, just say the word, and I'll leave it all behind, today, because I am no success in my ministry if I lose you and the kids..."

So, sitting at dinner last night at a sushi restaurant, watching him eat exotic food, comment on his new love of a very different decor than he was supposed to appreciate, and wearing a brightly colored "floweredee" shirt - And all because I wanted to go there, and I wanted him to try the food and see the decor, hear the music, and I had given him the pretty shirt...etc. I considered all of the ways he had changed.

So, I commented on how different he was than "back in the day", and he answered, "Yeah, I'm different, and it all boils down to one thing: "I fell in love..."

That is what it all boils down to with him: LOVE. He has learned, through adversity, to love with abandon. He has been willing to sacrifice everything for love. He is one of the few people in this world who has earned the right to say, "I would die for you.", and you can believe it. He is becoming a true "Renaissance Man" on a mission of love and mercy. It's a beautiful thing to observe someone doing what they were truly born to do.

So, to me, he's a renaissance man - my renaissance man - and I love him and am grateful for and proud of all the changes...It's been quite a ride, and I've never been more excited to see what's in store for tomorrow. I am truly blessed.

Peace.

The Other Three C's

2007-06-27T17:43:00.000-04:00

Happy, happy Wednesday!

Today I got to hang-out with the other C3 pastor's wives. We're a small group now - so we're tight.

There are many things I've learned over the past year - some of them I hoped and expected to see, like the movement of God, the development of more diversity in the church, and God's complete faithfulness through the struggle (all of these have surpassed my expectations!)

One thing I didn't expect was the feeling (and, in some ways, reality) of "mass exodus" - so many losses, many of which I didn't see coming, and the grave disappointment which inevitably followed. I stopped telling myself, "I know them, they won't bail!" I definitely stopped saying "How much worse could it possibly get?"

Of course, the Enemy knows our fears, and each time someone would go, there would be the temptation to panic...to give in. But, the fear is always overcome by love. All of the strife and contention has led to something - many things - that are beautiful. It's all about the "other" 3 c's: change, which leads to conflict, which causes chaos - which facilitates growth!

The other thing that I didn't expect is the outcome of the loss - the gain. Gaining the knowledge of the blessing of true friendship, gaining the gift of understanding pain, gaining the freedom to be who God created me to be without reservation or condemnation. The safe place of real, solace-type friendship is rare - I have discovered - but it does exist, and I experienced it again in full measure today. And I am thankful.

I hope everyone feels the depths of true "shelter" friends at least once in their lives - we can all begin by being that for someone else. It's awesome - and, for me, it's so "C3".

Happy, happy Wednesday! Love someone today. Peace.

What Day Is It?

2007-06-26T15:07:00.002-04:00

I woke-up in a bad mood. Last night, my boys left to go visit their cousins in south Florida. So, no "Splash-Zone" for me today. (By the way, the Splash-zone "authorities" made me go put my large iced-coffee in the car before entering...I'm telling you, it's a conspiracy! (see Happy Darn Wednesday).

Instead of frolicking with my boys, I went to the office and tried to fill in for Byron's secretary, Peggy, who is out of town. The morning began with me spilling my large iced-coffee all over my desk and floor (it's like someone is trying to tell me something - like, "always use spill-proof containers!"), then the day progressed downhill from there.

Apparently, my office computer has developed quite an attitude over my growing love-affair with my MacBook, and it wouldn't cooperate - it refused to even recognize me on the network! Back to my Mac - I love her, she always accepts me, never judges - even when I write stupid stuff. She always acts shocked that I would delete any of my pearls of wisdom by saying, "Are you sure you want to delete this?". I know she's really saying, "You're awesome, Angie, and all of your words are wonderful..." I love her...But, I digress.

So, anyway my office computer reminded me, once again that I have no marketable skills, and Byron needs to check the amount on his life-insurance policy, unless he wants me to turn to a life of crime should something befall him, God forbid!

Tonight is band practice, so I need to get my stuff together, so I can worship the Lord properly...Maybe I just need to get some coffee. This time I'm going to "Cuppy's" where I know I'll be treated right! I'm gonna try to act happy the rest of the day, or Byron will remember that we haven't worked-out yet, and make me work-out my grumpiness on the Bowflex...I need to fly under the radar as much as possible...Peace!

The Remains of the Day...

2007-06-24T22:29:00.000-04:00

Another Sunday has come and gone. This one was packed with good things:

*Although, I was particularly tired during our a.m. band practice (mainly due to my husband putting me through a sadistic Bowflex/elliptical workout the day before wherein I had to put my head between my knees to keep from passing out), the worship sets were filled with passion and energy, and the congregation responded with the same spirit.

*Byron's message about our real Enemy: Satan, was profound in it's doctrine, yet so practical that it caused all of us to reflect on who we allow to get the power in the limited time we have left on this earth - are we wasting our seconds or utilizing them to their full potential. Plus, I learned that Byron is going to live until 2057 (according to Deathclock.com), so I say, "Why kill ourselves with grueling workouts - if your gonna live that long anyway?"

*It was good to see the faces of people I've never seen before, great to see returning and increasingly more familiar faces, and awesome to see friends who ARE friends - like aloe for the soul...(see "Sunburns").

*Happy Birthday, Monica! And welcome home Travis and Sandi!

*We had a good lunch with great friends. (mine was healthy and nutritious!)

*We got a long nap - a couple of hours. WONDERFUL!!!!

*We took the boys to Barnes&Noble to get a new book, get Starbucks, and catch-up on our blog-reading.

*I was reminded again today of how much I love books - new books, old books - I love the way they look. I love the way they smell even... I think I'm gonna hang-out there more often, and try to find my library card...

*Reading the blogs of the other staff wives and women in the church, the past few days, has made me so thankful to have such strong and faithful women in my life. The honesty and insight I'm hearing from them is inspiring. It fills me with hope...

So, today was a great day, and I'm tired - but it's the good kind of tired - Tomorrow I get to go back to the splash-park with some of my "girls" - it's for the children (they are our future, you know - just doing my part).

Now, I have to go to sleep - Byron tells me my muscles need proper rest to repair, so we can break them down, to build them back...blah, blah, blah...(see what I'm dealing with - I need an intervention!).

Good night - Peace.

The Whispers of God

2007-06-22T23:05:00.000-04:00

I should be asleep...tonight's different from last night, though. Tonight I'm thinking about the gift of words - the blessing of expression.

Byron and I were listening to George Winston tonight, because I'm feeling poetic and George Winston fits me when I feel poetic...

When I heard the first few notes of the "album" entitled December, I was right back in my stark little dorm room on a mountain in Asheville, NC where I went to boarding school during my junior year of high school. Back then, my words were truly my closest companion. I had a treasured book of Emily Dickinson poems that I would read and reread.

My favorite of her poems in my little book (she wrote hundreds in total), was, not surprisingly, also the saddest to me:

"IF you were coming in the fall,
I’d brush the summer by
With half a smile and half a spurn,
As housewives do a fly.

If I could see you in a year,
I’d wind the months in balls,
And put them each in separate drawers,
Until their time befalls.

If only centuries delayed,
I’d count them on my hand,
Subtracting till my fingers dropped
Into Van Diemen’s land.

If certain, when this life was out,
That yours and mine should be,
I’d toss it yonder like a rind,
And taste eternity.

But now, all ignorant of the length
Of time’s uncertain wing,
It goads me, like the goblin bee,
That will not state its sting." (Emily Dickinson)

I would listen to George Winston (as we were allowed to listen to little else) and write down my thoughts and little poems. I wish I still had all of those words on paper, although, it would probably be humorously dramatic.

I guess, I was just learning how to be alone.

And now as I've begun again to chronicle my feelings. I've realized more fully the power of expression.

Writing, for me, is an act of freedom and passion. Words are like jewels to me, and a beautiful thought is like the whispers of God reminding me that I am never alone.

Peace.

What's In a Name?

2007-06-22T08:30:00.000-04:00

You may wonder about the term "Christ-follower". Why don't I just identify myself as a "Christian"? You may believe it's just semantics or the fad of the day...sure, there may be some of that. But, for me, there's a more specific reason. If I'm going to identify myself with a label - I would at least like it to be definable...to me, if someone says they're a Christian it only muddies the waters, there's little clarity there. Somewhere around 90% of Americans consider themselves to be Christian! But why "Christ-follower"? Well, for me it's much more self-explanatory. It's not about what I SAY I am, but what I choose to do. It's not just a label, but a lifestyle.

After 30 plus years of identifying myself as a Christian, I began to realize that I was allowing myself to be defined by a term that had lost any real meaning. This has become particularly important to me especially in the last year or so. Aside from desiring to be more specific in what I am, I also desire to distance myself from what I am not. Beyond the ambiguity of those who randomly call themselves christian, many times, I've felt a growing need to separate myself from those who consider themselves to be "Leading Christians".

Just a few observations which have led me to this conclusion:

*It seems that the longer someone uses a label, the more they become proud of the label itself rather than the reason for it ("Don't tell me! I've been a Christian longer than you've been alive..."). Contrast this with a new believer who is so grateful for the rescuing love and grace of God.

*How come Christians from Christian organizations - much of the time, complain the loudest and rebel the most when their church environment is changed - to reach the lost, no less!? This has been so profound @ C3 that I believe we should ask a few specific questions when considering someone for C3 church membership, like: "Would you consider yourself to be a Christian 'leader'?" or "How long have you worked in that missions organization that evangelizes on the other side of the world?...Oh, 15 years, you say?" and then when they give their glowing resume of how they will do "whatever it takes" to reach lost people-groups (as long as it doesn't affect their home turf), we should go ahead and hand them a list of other local churches which would make them FEEL more comfortable.

*Following Christ means to follow, not to be led by my own selfish desires. Desires which can lead us to say things like: "This is MY church, and the lost don't pay the bills!", or "I want everyone to go to heaven, I just don't want to go to church with all of them." or "That pastor is destroying lives, I mean, have you SEEN the kind of people who go to that church?!"...I could go on and on. If these attitudes are how you would define a Christian, then please continue to label yourself one - at least you'll stay in the majority!

So, for me "Christ-follower" is the flag I'll fly - not because I've arrived, but because it's what I desire to do: to follow Christ. Many times, it's following way, way behind - but I'm following nonetheless. And I'm okay with others knowing my intentions - it keeps me accountable and focused on the only One who can truly show me which way to go. Peace.

Just Breathe

2007-06-22T00:53:00.000-04:00

I should be asleep. Sometimes, sleep just won't come. Sometimes it's for no reason - or stupid reasons like eating poorly or too much caffeine - ...and sometimes it's for a specific reason. I just wish the hate would end...but, I know it won't this side of eternity. The Book of Revelation speaks of the fact that as evil increases, so does righteousness - I believe this is because, for the righteous, the evil can drive us to our knees and to our Source. It's a vicious cycle that will continue until Christ's return. So, I will do what every wife and mother trying to breathe in this fallen world must do - cry out the only One who can truly offer PEACE and safety. It is all the breath I have for now...

Psalm 23
A David Psalm:
1-3 "God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.

4 Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.

5 You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.

6 Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I'm back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life." (MSG)

I will lie down in peace and sleep for thou, oh Lord, will keep me safe... .Peace.

Exercising is of the Devil!

2007-06-21T21:04:00.000-04:00

So, I'm only writing this blog to get "happy darn wednesday" off the top of my screen. But, my excruciating and traumatic work-out experience this evening has robbed me of the energy to blog twice. So, if you enjoy hearing of my great sufferings, check out The Real Staff Wives of Orange County. Peace.

Happy Darn Wednesday

2007-06-20T21:08:00.000-04:00

This has actually been a great day. The boys and I spent the morning with some great friends at the splash-park. I'm just tired, and our air is out again - so I'm a little grumpy. And now Byron reminds me that usually, on Wednesdays, I "try" to be humorous and light hearted - only I don't feel like it.

So, I've got nothin' - no blonde jokes - no witty banter - no delightful prose. Maybe next Wednesday I'll be more pleasant. And this has NOTHING to do with the fact that I had to order a sugar-free, "skinny" latte, when I really wanted a Dunkin' Donut's extra large chocolate coconut iced coffee with extra whipped cream, but I'm trying to be "buff by 40" - and the Dunkin' Donut's lady is starting to look at me like I have some kind of problem or addiction or something. Like she knows my issues - she couldn't possibly, because I strategically re-route my coffee stops so that it only looks about one-third as bad as it really is...but I digress...

What was I saying, oh yeah, - so, I've been mistreated by several java establishments in this town (NOT "CUPPY'S" ON LEE VISTA - BILL TREATS ME WITH RESPECT AND PASSES NO JUDGEMENT!), so to all the coffee-pushers who judge me because I like to drink dessert-style lattes several times a day - in spite of my efforts to decrease the "junk" in the...well, anyway... I say, "Don't be a hater, be a liberator!" - or better yet, a caffeinator. As the great philosopher Madea once said, "The bible say, 'be ye kindest and gentlest to all the peoplests'." I wholeheartedly concur! Next Wednesday will be different, I promise...I can quit anytime...it's not me, it's the caffeine talking...just give me one more chance...

HAPPY WEDNESDAY - PEACE!

In Dreams

2007-06-20T06:55:00.000-04:00

I've always had crazy, vivid dreams. They are so life-like that some days it takes me a long time to shake whatever emotions are generated as I sleep. I remember having a particularly bad dream in which Byron upset me (that NEVER happens in real life), and even though he had, in reality, done nothing to me, I was really mad at him and it took me about an hour before I wanted to speak to him - all because of a dream!

Dreams are funny like that. A lot of times they let me know what is really on my mind. I'll think I'm past a certain event, feeling or hurt - and then I'll have a dream that reminds me. Then I'll walk around thinking, "Why do I feel like this today - why do I have this knot in my stomach - oh yeah, I had this crazy dream..."

I guess, unless I've had spicy food late at night, it's just another way to process my emotions - to work things out without having to focus on it while I'm awake. It's my heart's way of saying, "maybe you need to work on this - forgive again, love more, be less offended..." When it comes to a hurt that can lead to bitterness, I've found that what I refuse to deal with I become.

So, I guess I've got some work to do - it's a constant process. What's the old saying, "Don't be bitter - Be better."? I've always hated cliches, but usually there's a lot of truth in them.

I'm starting a new work-out regimen today - so, while I work on my body, I can also renew my mind (I think there's a verse about that somewhere). And I can focus on real dreams - dreams of changing the world one heart at a time.

LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT - and the ultimate dream. Peace.

The Real Staff Wives Of Orange County

2007-06-19T16:51:00.000-04:00

I'm really excited about a new addition to my blogging addiction. The other C3 pastor's wives and I have started a blog. "THE REAL STAFF WIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY" is a compilation of the thoughts and etc. of a day in the life of a pastor's wife. Amanda (wife of Barry - C3 Executive Pastor) posted an awesome blog today. Check it out @ C3 wives - the real staff wives of orange county. As always, peace!

Love Wins Again!

2007-06-18T20:17:00.000-04:00

It's Monday so I'm thinking a lot today about the weekend - mainly how Sunday went. I felt the spirit of God in such a real way, I needed that so much.

I'm also thinking about the influences we allow into our lives. Yesterday, I read one blog that challenged me and made me cry (in a good way), then I read another that made me sad and disturbed - how the Enemy has such a stronghold in some people's lives in the area of hate and bitterness. And by allowing negative thoughts to come into my mind through conversations, - or the internet - the Enemy can have a stronghold in my life as well. So I must be vigilant. I have to protect myself from getting on the roller-coaster of other people's opinions. Meanwhile, I pray for peace and comfort to all of those seeking and hurting. I pray for the light of truth to speak to hearts and erase the hate. I pray for the strength to chase after the things of God, and God is love - and love wins!

Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. Philippians 4:8-9 (MSG)

One authentic thing I can meditate on today is the gift of good friends - last night we hung-out with the Leathers, the Lopers, Dan, and Sally. It was great to be with good friends who keep our focus in the right place. I'm so thankful for that, because it's easier to be positive among friends.

We missed the Conrads (we pray for your safe return, and for your dad's health). We talked of good things like the numerous hearts that turned to God that morning - and the birth of a new babies (welcome Mayanna and Bryleigh!). And we celebrated the fact that Andrea "the Queen of the Rap" was born!

So, it's Monday, and even without 24, I'm doing alright - because I'm focused - not on the losses - but on the wins. Love wins, and I'm so glad!

Lessons from my Dad

2007-06-17T17:40:00.000-04:00

It's Father's Day, and I'm thankful for the fathers in my life. I'm, of course, thankful for my dad. I've always been somewhat of a "daddy's girl", and I'm definitely thankful that I have a father that I could feel that way about. When I was growing-up, my dad traveled a lot, and we traveled with him as much as we could. I think all of the constant "movement" and change of scenery that comes with a traveling ministry has allowed me to be more flexible now. I've also realized, as an adult, the sacrifices my parents made for the cause of Christ.

I think because my dad has always preached with conviction, I've been prepared for doing ministry with a husband who is the same way - Byron got this "come hell or high water" attitude from his dad - it's passed-down like that.

So, today I'm grateful for the strong fathers in my life: my dad, my father-in-law, and my husband. And I realize more than ever that strength and integrity aren't just natural, they are learned traits passed down from generation to generation. And I hope my sons will someday be fathers like that, and I pray my daughters are blessed enough to raise children with men who will stand against the wind. It's quite a ride!

P.S. Another thing I learned from my dad is how to swim - (thanks, dad for teaching me how to swim and how to live. I love you).

Peace and a blessed father's day to you.

Pass it on!

2007-06-16T21:35:00.000-04:00

We have been without a t.v. all week, but were able to hear of the passing of Ruth Graham. I knew her better when I was a child; she was "Aunt Ruth" to me then. My grandfather used to tell me that when I was very small she thought I was a funny child - with a big vocabulary. I think in some ways she understood me. Now as an adult, reading her poetry and musings about life in the ministry, I feel that I understand her. She always seemed to me to be very unique and poetic, she was definitely articulate yet simple in her priorities - Her faith, her family, and her husband seemed to be her life, and her thoughts around those basic priorities seemed endless and profound. Her absence will be felt in more ways than we can fathom, and I am so appreciative that we have her legacy and her words to draw from. I've learned, in part from her, that you can be a strong, supportive wife of a minister, and yet be a creative, oppinionated, passionate individual at the same time. Thank you for that, Aunt Ruth.

Love is the movement - pass it on! Peace.

Happy Wednesday!

2007-06-13T11:09:00.000-04:00

Happy Wednesday! I've realized that I've been slacking in the joke department. Lately, the melancholy side of me has definitely been taking over, so today I'm going to concentrate on happy things:

* So, as I continue my search for cute and clean blonde jokes, I am always reminded of my own blonde-ish-ness when I come across a blonde joke that has actually happened to me:

* When I was about 14, I noticed the cute jeans a girl in my youth group was wearing. So, I said (in original valley-girl fashion), "Like...those jeans are sooo cute, what brand are they?", and she replied, "Guess.", so I said, "Okay. Um....."

* Byron likes to read blonde jokes to me to see if I get them. So, he said, "Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?", and of course, I shrugged my shoulders (exaggeratedly) and replied, "I don't know..." which apparently IS the punchline.

I'm not feeling great today - all the traveling and eating-out is starting to catch up with me (I'm also rethinking choosing a chicken salad sandwich from a gas station). When we get home there will be a lot of detoxing taking place - a lot of "super green" and spinach salads. Ethan will say "this is the most horriblest day of my life, cuz you always make me eat healthy and nutritious!" - Well, he's been in heaven lately. But, play now and pay later...

I am looking forward to getting home and getting back into somewhat of a routine - at least until we get back on the road. I think when I get home, I'll repaint my bedroom, which reminds me:

Q: Why did it take the blonde so long to paint her bedroom?

A: The can read, "best if applied in two coats" - and painting with all those clothes on is hard work.

Lame, I know.

Peace and spinach salad to you all (if you're making fun of my lame jokes, then gas-station chicken salad to you!)

Postcards from Georgia

2007-06-12T23:02:00.000-04:00

How has it been a week since my last blog?

We spent the weekend in the Atlanta area. We caught-up with old friends - it was wonderful! We went to a movie-theater church with Barry and Amanda, and became even more excited about our future @ C3. We had Sunday dinner with some of our favorite people in the world: the Leathers Clan and the Bond Clan. It was sort of surreal to have friends that we love from such different worlds in the same place - it was awesome!

I was able to get Starbucks every morning, and found a place to get my nails done. Kayleigh came up and was reunited with us, thanks to Barry O. and Adam. Sugar Boy got to hang out at a pet resort for the weekend. Amanda and I got some good "hang-out" time, and Ashley and I got to go to Wal-mart with Karla and Alyson. (To see Byron and Dave in a corner talking passionately about what God is doing in their lives was such an encouragement to me!)

So, as far as weekends go, this one was great! Thanks: Barry and Amanda and kids - we love you guys, and are so grateful that you're along for this ride; Dave, Karla, Alyson and Matt - seeing you again was so seamless, it was amazing - we miss you terribly already! Barry O. and Adam - thanks for being so willing to help and be a part of our crazy crew! Ashley - it was really nice to spend some time with you one-on-one this past week, you're awesome (and hilarious)! Kayleigh - we missed you and knowing that you missed us so much that you read our blogs first thing each morning was sooo cool (see, you know you love us!) Nate and Ethan - you crack me up and keep me young.

And now we are in south Georgia so Byron can speak at a middle school camp. "Riverdale" is leading worship again - they rock! In spite of everything difficult that we've been through lately, I can honestly say that I've never been more excited about our future than now.

So, tonight as I blog, I'm listening to U2; Byron occasionally reads me something interesting in one of the blogs he reads daily; Barry, Adam, Kayleigh and Ashley are playing cards; the boys are sleeping... and all is right in my little corner of the world! "In the name of love...one more in the name of love..."

Peace and U2 to you all!

Breaking Free

2007-06-06T22:37:00.000-04:00

Happy Wednesday! Tonight's message was about forgiveness. Byron reminded us of how, in order to love, we must "not remember what God forgets." This subject has been on my mind and heart so much lately. I have two friends who have been abandoned by the one who was supposed to protect and cherish them - they don't deserve what's happening to them, but the best thing for them is also the hardest: forgiveness. I find it hard to even fathom that they should be expected to do this. But, being in bondage because of hate toward someone else is not freedom, and it's not what God desires for us. But, it still makes me so angry to think about how much they are hurting, and I wish my anger could make their pain go away, but that's not the way it works. Only true love can heal - Agape.

Tonight, I was reminded that we were not meant to HAVE to forgive. We were created for the Garden where we would fellowship with God and each other in perfect harmony - until sin entered the picture. So, now, until heaven, we can't physically experience "the Garden", but emotionally and spiritually we experience it EVERY TIME WE FORGIVE. So, it's natural that I would struggle with this unnatural thing. But, tonight it struck me that it may not just be the injustice of my friends' wounds that are causing me so much trouble - maybe it's more about my own wounds.

I don't want to admit that I've struggled to forgive real or perceived offenses in my own life - that doesn't sound very spiritual. But, to say I've struggled with this lately, would be an understatement. I've felt abandoned and betrayed - and this by people who once called themselves my friends. So, maybe my issues with my above-mentioned friends' REAL abandonment and betrayal, are also about my own feelings of loss. So, maybe I need to "practice what I preach" and lay it down.

So, I choose to forgive: the lies, the slander, the dirty looks at the grocery store, the glares at my children's school, the phone campaigns, the lawyers, the "inviting" others to your "new church" right in front of me, the sabotage of our ministries - especially children's ministries, the soccer field huddles, the lack of loyalty, the playing the victim, the alienation of anyone who defends us, the tears of my children, the attacks against my husband, the mistreatment of our staff, my feelings that "NO ONE STAYS" when the road gets rocky, and I'm left on a cold mountain with no visible shelter (previous blog "Friends").

So, I choose to forgive, so that I, my family and my true friends can be free. And because these offenses don't begin to touch how Jesus was treated.

I once had a dream. In it I was being beaten - by someone I had loved and trusted. I was on the ground bloody and broken when someone appeared before me. It was Jesus, and he looked like I did: bloody and broken. And through swollen eyes, He looked at me, and I was filled with peace as I realized the "point": When I am abused and betrayed and broken, and yet choose to love, I LOOK LIKE HIM. So, that's my desire: that my wounds cause me to resemble Jesus. And that through forgiveness, they become something beautiful - a beautiful brokenness that reflects a beautiful savior.

So, today I and, hopefully, my friends will walk in peace and freedom in our beautiful brokenness.

PEACE!

Java and a Blog

2007-06-06T11:19:00.000-04:00

We've been having trouble getting a signal for cell phones and internet up here in the mountains. I've also struggled with the lack of my java. Then, we found a little cafe! I literally heard angels singing - then, I saw a guy at a table (as I was enjoying the sound of " a triple chocolate coconut latte" rolling off my tongue) USING HIS LAPTOP - WIRELESSLY!!! More angels...

So, although, I have little time and battery, I get to experience two things that make me smile - a jacked-up java and a blog. Does it get any better?

Last night was very inspirational for me - any time I can worship with a bunch of teenagers is a good thing! Their passion and abandon lifts me - It reminds me..."I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned - in awe of the One who gave it all - and I'll stand my soul, Lord, to You surrendered - all I am is Yours..."

Byron's message about love reminded me again how much God really loves each one of us. I always need to be reminded of this so I can truly love others the way God does. My friends who are going through dark times need to be reminded of this, especially right now - and I pray they will feel the arms of their Father around them in a special way. We all need to feel the breath of God. Last night, we sang a song that speaks this peace to my heart - To my friend who is especially hurting today, this is for you - you are in my prayers...

Matt Redman - You Never Let Go
From the album Passion 06: Everything Glorious

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You"

Even though I can't be with you physically, know that I'm with you in my heart - keep your head up!

Peace!

Music Moves Me (part two)

2007-06-05T08:03:00.000-04:00

Byron spoke at a youth camp last night in an open-air "theater" in the woods. It was beautiful, and it reminded me of my childhood. It reminded me that no matter how urbanized I become, I'm very organic at heart, and being IN nature - in the middle of the woods - centers me in some way. It's like the ocean for me because I feel so small yet so close to God all at once. Man, now I want to go camping - at the beach - in the mountains - at the same time!

The band "Riverdale" led worship and it was awesome. They closed with a new Charlie Hall song that really moved me. I don't even know the words yet, but I'm sure I will by the end of the day. One line in it especially resonated for me. It went something like: "I'm down, but I will rise - all life flows from God." It reminded me where my source lies - where my strength comes from. And my source is bigger than the montains and the seas. These creations, in their grandeur, echo His glory and power. Peace and joy and strength echo across the mountains and the seas, and I too join in their song... Man, nature makes me want to be poetic! But, it's so true - all life flows from God, and I'm thankful.

Now, I'm gonna go find some coffee - probably from "the Huddle House" - did I sound like I was ready to chuck the whole "city life" thing? We'll see,... ask me after a week of no Starbucks!

Peace...and strength...and dark roast espresso to you all.

Deliverance!

2007-06-02T19:22:00.000-04:00

It always amazes me - how quickly the time goes, and it's Saturday night again.

I always find myself trying to get my mind focused on all that will take place tomorrow morning, no matter what's happening on a typical busy Saturday - (today, it was finding an air conditioning repairman who could come and deliver us from - well..., no air conditioning - in June - in Florida.).

So, now that things are cooling-down, I'm trying to get in the zone. It encourages me to know that others are doing the same thing - of course, this includes Byron - and then the pastors, staff, volunteers, and others who are working, praying, and hoping that their friends and family will be touched by God tomorrow.

For Byron and me, and many others- this is our mission, it's what we work and wait for all week. We aren't alone, and that's what I'm going to focus on tonight. I'm also focusing on the ways God has blessed me in my journey: a courageous and loving husband, really cool kids, great family, awesome friends, and a vision that is bigger than all of us. And air conditioning.

As usual, someone else's words say it better than mine. But in this case, they are God's words, so it's all good - this is where I choose to place my focus. I hope it encourages you, too:

Romans 8:18-27 (The Message):

18-21 "That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.

22-25 All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."

Our Deliverance is coming! Peace!

Georgia on My Mind

2007-06-01T20:30:00.000-04:00

Q: When traveling to London, how do you steal a blonde's window-seat?
A: Tell her that only the middle row seats are going to London.

We're traveling to Georgia this week. Byron's speaking at a youth camp, and while there we hope to see some friends we haven't seen in years. They have been to us the kind of friends that you can not see for a long time, and yet when you're back together, you feel like you've never been apart.

They walked through some dark days with us many years ago, and we developed a "bond" that is burned deep in my heart. Until that time, we had never had friends as close and as loyal as Dave & Karla were to us. And now, as Byron and I have learned how rare such friendship really is - I feel like we can appreciate them even more.

I wish for everyone to have friends like these even if it's only for a little while - because it's really forever.

"I'll Stand By You" - Carrie Underwood

"Oh, why you look so sad? Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now.
Don't be ashamed to cry, let me see you through
Cause I've seen the dark side too.
When the night falls on you, you don't know what to do,
Nothing you confess could make me love you less.

I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.

So, if you're mad get mad, don't hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now.
And hey, what you got to hide? I get angry too
But I'm alot like you.
When you're standing at the crossroads, don't know which path to choose,
Let me come along, cause even if your wrong.

I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.
Take me into your darkest hour, and I'll never desert you.
I'll stand by you.

And when, when the night falls on you baby, you're feeling all alone,
You won't be on your own, I'll stand by you. I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you. I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour and I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you."

Peace and love (and twizzlers) to you, Angie and Byron

Sunburns

2007-05-31T21:12:00.000-04:00

Q: What's the definition of eternity?
A: 4 blondes at a 4-way stop.

The boys and I spent a good part of the day at a local park that has a lake-front "beach". They spent hours playing with friends in the water, and although I had multiple containers of sunscreen, I forgot to put it on any of us. We got fried. It's embarrassing enough to get burned when you're a Floridian, but to let helpless children, in your care, burn is unthinkable, unless you're a tourist from Wisconsin.

I had to face my shame when Byron got home from work, and he put another coat of aloe gel on all three of us. So, tonight, I'm thinking about pain. And I'm thinking about how, at times this evening, I've forgotten that I was burned - until I bumped or scratched a sunburned area, and then I remember how sensitive that area is.

Pain in life can be like that for me ,too. I forget I've been wounded or hurt until something bumps or scratches the sensitive areas of my life. And when I've been hurt, I want to isolate - the exact opposite of what I need to do. I hate putting on that aloe gel stuff - it's cold, at first, and until it dries, I hate how it feels. But, it helps heal the burns - like spending time with good friends. Today I helped some sunburns of life heal by spending time with a good friend - it's like aloe for the soul.

When we get isolated from the ones who really help protect us from the burns of life, we can get fooled by the wind and the cloudiness, and not realze how much sun-damage we've gotten. We can think we're okay, only to realize, too late, that we've gotten fried. We all need proper boundaries against the relationships that don't make us better - the toxic people who fool us into the surprise "burns" on overcast days. But, if we're vigilant, we can find those "aloe" friends who can provide protection and shade from the sunburns of life.

Sandi, thanks for being an "aloe" kind of friend.

Peace!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She can get a pop-tart out of the toaster in one piece.

A Message to Martha ("Martha, Martha, Martha...")

2007-05-30T10:27:00.000-04:00

Happy Wednesday! I'm so distracted today! I just can't seem to focus. And it's not even my normal "AAADBD" disorder (angie's adult attention deficit blonde disorder) - which, by the way, is such a long title, I forget what I'm saying half-way through!

It's more: I'm still thinking about women and their influence. (I discussed this recently in "The Biggest Loser"). This matters a lot to me lately because there are a bunch of new believers in my world now, and I'm so distracted by my sense of protection for them. I don't want them to be tainted by the religious, and their view of how godly women should function - which so often, because I was brought-up in the very culture I'm talking about, unfortunately includes me. How will they learn how to be "Mary" when the church is so full of "Martha"s.

I've heard countless Bible studies about Mary-Vs.-Martha. It's even a fad among church-women now to say something like, "Well, I'm a Martha, but I'm TRYING to be a Mary" - maybe the problem is the TRYING - we're still having to be in control! And, in my humble opinion, IT'S NOT WORKING!!!!!!! It's cool to say "I wanna be like Mary - just sitting at Jesus' feet!", but the reality is we want to remind everyone how we are the exception because we're so perfectly suited for all the "churchy" tasks that "sitting" anywhere is a real loss to the community around us - After all, "What will all the common people do if I don't bake my award-winning casserole for the Covered-Dish, while giving my advice to everyone about how the pastor could really improve his sermons, and strategically giving disapproving looks at that teenager who is NOT dressed like she's going to church... praise the Lord!"

We all want to SAY we admire Mary, but only want to "sit" if we get credit - like sitting down to our Tuesday Bible study, not to be confused with our Thursday prayer group, or our Monday night evangelism class. But how much of it is leading us to be more like Jesus - to be about the things HE cares about? If the attitude of most church-women that I've met is any indicator... - Well, I think I'll go find that inappropriately-dressed teenager and talk with her a while, and let her know that God loves her and get a reality check about where Jesus spent his time.

Maybe I just need to be reminded of what truly set Mary and Martha a part: What they did with their love for Jesus. While Martha did lots of "stuff", and couldn't let go of her incessant need for approval (sound familiar?), Mary just wanted to find out what Jesus really cared about - not to be lazy, but to absorb the mission - time was short, and instead of asking others what "jobs" were important, she went straight to the Source. Is not the time growing short for us - how many "studies" does it take to motivate us to GET OUT THERE! How many times will we let the "good things" distract us from what Jesus did and would do today.

If we really decide to GET REAL, put down our "study-guides", and DO SOMETHING - ANYTHING that causes us to really follow Christ, then we will be tempted to be terrified, we will lose many of the relationships we think we can't live without, we will be criticized by almost everyone, we will be misunderstood by many, and we will often feel alone - especially around the "Martha"s - but in the eyes of Jesus we will see His mission if we look closely enough - then, we just have to decide if we're willing to follow.

Laying it all down to follow Jesus!: It's not just a "good thing", it's everything! The new believers in my world are counting on us - and just so I'm clear: IF YOUR IDEA OF A GODLY WOMAN INCLUDES THE BEHAVIOR I'VE WITNESSED IN RECENT MONTHS BY SO MANY CHURCH-GIRLS, ("the biggest loser" ring a bell?) - STAY AWAY FROM THE NEW BELIEVERS IN MY WORLD - please stay in your Bible-studies, prayers groups and evangelism classes - please keep your "religion" under wraps!

I guess I could take some comfort in the fact that because all the "Martha"s are going to stay in the kitchen, there's tons of room at Jesus' feet. (This might comfort me if it didn't make me want to weep).

Increase the peace! (and the "sitting").

Oh yeah,... I DARE YOU TO MOVE!

Florida Girl

2007-05-29T11:20:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting out by the pool, listening to the birds and planning my rose garden. We are traveling a ton this summer, so I'll probably wait on the planting - of course, when I get the bug, I just can't wait to get my hands dirty. It's a beautiful day, and Byron spent time this weekend making the patio more beautiful because he knows it's a real place of solace for me. We spent yesterday afternoon with some friends - letting the children swim, and just be kids. It was refreshing, and of course, every day is improved by watermelon and ice cream sandwiches.

I'm thankful today for living in such a gorgeous place, for my family, for my friends, and for Byron who always looks for ways to make me smile. It's just a few days before hurricane season starts, but living here is worth the storms - kind of like being in the ministry here - it's all worth it on days like today (or Sunday) when I can focus on the sunshine, the sound of the birds, children laughing, and roses. You can really know I'm feeling the love by this: I'm gonna make my man a pot roast! That really is a metaphor for our relationship - I love roses, and he loves pot roast. So, it's pretty much a perfect day!

The Remains of the Day

2007-05-27T20:47:00.000-04:00

The C3 Picnic was great - it was, for me, the perfect ending to a very inspiring day.

I wasn't feeling well this morning, so I didn't sing on the platform, I did, however, sing from my seat during the 10:30 service. I really felt the presence of God as Byron reminded people of God's love and how we should be showing that love to the world around us. And as we sang "...Shine your light - Let the whole world see - We're singing for the glory of the risen King - Jesus!", I was quiet for a moment so I could really hear the voices around me - many of whom weren't there six months ago, now they're praising God with abandon - and I took a moment to absorb the sound, to recognize what was taking place around me. It gives me strength to keep up the fight - the fight for love! The picnic was a sweet time to spend with new faces and some old friends, and although I thought I would be hurt by who I knew wouldn't be there, I didn't really feel that emotion at all - I just felt the love, and love makes it worth it all.

Thanks to the Boane family, Travis and Sandy and everyone who made this a great time.

C3 Rocks - INCREASE THE PEACE!

I'll leave you with this:

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde then laughed hysterically, so the truck driver asked her what was so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

(This joke makes me smile because I'm stepping out of the circle, and it's all good!)

The Biggest Loser

2007-05-27T08:10:00.000-04:00

I love the reality show "The Biggest Loser"; it has it all: drama, competition, relationship-issues, and ultimately life-change. I had the opportunity to catch a marathon of a past season, and I was absolutely hooked. It fascinated me to observe the difference between how the all-male team and the all-female team functioned. There's something about putting a group of women in an enclosed area for more than about fifteen minutes; somebody's goin' down. And while the men were having their share of competitiveness, - because, after all, it is a game - the women were... well, let's just say they lived up to the stereotype. The men were more using the strength-through-unity approach, while the women seemed so busy gossiping, and then being offended - back-stabbing, and then being shocked when there was no loyalty - undermining and criticizing, and then pouting over the lack of unity. It was fascinating - and sad.

One girl, in particular, seemed to (although she may have been grossly misrepresented thru editing) always be in the middle of the conflict. In fact, when she was overwhelmingly "voted off", even by the men, the reason was not: she's a threat in the game or she's not pulling her weight in the challenges - it was "she's an instigator, and we can't trust her." As I was thinking about the feelings she provoked in her teammates, I heard IT, and it all became so clear: She leads music in her church back home! SHOCKER!! And I thought, "of course, she's a church-girl, she's learned duplicity from the best."

This reminded me of an incident I heard of recently where a group of church-women (members, at the time, of my church - unfortunately) were in a huddle at a children's sport practice. They were "sharing concerns" in such an animated and obtrusive way that a non-church member had to rebuke them and ask them to stop. If this were an isolated incident - well, "as if !" We should be ashamed and convicted.

Women have been given a great gift from God: the gift of influence. We use it and often abuse it. I've seen it so many times, and have been guilty of it myself - the "holy huddles" of "concern" - the bible studies turned gossip-session - the phone calls and e-mails sharing "prayer requests" or the "I just thought you should know..." Let's just get real, we are given to gossip - we cut off our noses to spite our face. We give up the ultimate: life-change, for the temporal. We wallow in the muck, when we've been given a gift that can cause us to rise up and fascilitate change - LIFE-CHANGE!

If we choose to rebel and not get our...stuff together, everyone loses (and not in the good "biggest loser" kind of way). The list of casualties is never an acceptable loss when we engage in this behavior. We don't just hurt our "target" - we must ask ourselves who it is that we don't care about: our church, our community, our friends, our spouse, OUR CHILDREN - because they're all on the list of losers when we wag our tongues and destroy lives one "prayer request" at a time. We all lose, but the real biggest loser is the cause of Christ.

We have at our disposal the most powerful tool of influence that there is: love. We just, so often, pass it up for more alluring options that make us feel superior and those in our path feel devastated. How much could we change? - Jesus said the most important command is to "love God and love others", and that "they" will know us by our love - so, how we love others is a direct representation of how we love God. My prayer is that God has mercy on us for using our gifts for the Enemy - beginning with myself. Imagine what we could do if we chose to love first and foremost. For, after all, in the game of life -

LOVE WINS.

More notes from "La-La Land"

2007-05-26T17:43:00.000-04:00

I haven't blogged in a while; I've been busy. Byron read a blonde joke and decided to test it out.:

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
A: Write "flip this over" on both sides of a piece of paper.

Good one! I only wish he hadn't taped the note to the refrigerator.

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor." "No, from all that skipping."

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A: It said "concentrate"

Sunday morning is just around the corner. I think tomorrow's service will be especially significant for many people. I'm praying that God moves in an awesome way. Then, tomorrow evening we're having a C3 "Memorial Day Picnic". I'm looking forward to being able to hang-out and meet some new people. It's going to be a blast! - there will be cool stuff for kids (and blondes - like, face-painting and balloon animals). Come out and join us, and tell me your best blonde joke (5:30-8:30 p.m. @ the C3 campus). Hope to see you there!

Gotta run - that fridge won't flip itself!

A Message From Home

2007-05-24T21:30:00.000-04:00

I recently watched a movie which reminded me of the one thing that people have in common: the need to belong, to be loved above anything or anyone else - to feel "home". In this beautiful yet brutal civil war movie, no amount of physical hardship can stand in the way of a soldier's journey home to the only place where he truly feels loved. So, he trudges across bitter terrain and endures the utter lack of food, shelter, and safety - all to return to where he feels he belongs. He doesn't even know if his pre-war sweetheart has waited for him. He only has one letter which begs him to return soon, "...if you are fighting, stop your fighting and return to me. If you are marching, stop marching and return to me. Return to me." So he does. It takes him months, perhaps longer. Yet, nothing deters him because he has to keep moving in the direction of HOPE.

We all do that, don't we? - move in the direction of hope. The only other option is to give up and die. It is a part of the human condition to experience the desperate need for love, to belong, to be home. It gives us breath - without it we die.

There are people all around us who don't know where the hope lies. They would give anything to feel that they truly belong. They would traverse any distance if they could only receive the message that there is someone, anyone who would be waiting for them - a place where they would be received and accepted. Don't we, as Christ-followers, know that such a place exists? We've received the message. God has said to us all, "I love you - desperately, passionately, above anything else. Stop marching. Stop fighting. Return to me. Return to me and be home."

Maybe we need to be reminded of the love-letter in the pocket of our tattered uniform. Maybe we need to read it again to remember what lies in store for us. Maybe we need to get up and get back on the road home. Or maybe we just need to give someone else the message, so they can begin to travel in the direction of hope.

Selah!

2007-05-24T00:09:00.000-04:00

I should be asleep. I've been awake since 5 a.m.. There are so many things on my mind. I'm just asking God to cover me in His grace and mercy tonight. I know it's all I need, although my mind tells me I need to figure everything out by myself. I know I need to spend less time thinking and more time waiting. "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. We will wait upon the Lord - You are the Everlasting God. You do not faint, You won't grow weary. You're the defender of the weak, You comfort those in need. You lift us up on wings like eagles." I'd love to soar on wings like eagles, but right now I just need to be quiet and wait. Rest is not easy for a restless mind, so I'm going to be still for a while and know "our God, You reign forever, our Hope, our Strong Deliverer."
"I will lie down in peace and sleep for You, oh Lord, will keep me safe." I can sleep because my God never slumbers. As a child, I memorized many Psalms, and although I rarely remember the exact reference or wording, God is always faithful to bring what I need to my rememberence - no more, no less. I think it's Psalm 121 that says something like: "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills - From whence cometh my help? - My help cometh from the Lord. - The Lord watches over [me] - the sun shall not smite [me] by day nor the moon by night - He who watches [me] does not slumber - He who watches over Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps.
Now I will lie down in peace and sleep for "joy comes in the morning..." Selah!

Happy Wednesday, continued...

2007-05-23T13:40:00.000-04:00

In my continued effort to embrace the sanguine half of my melancholy/sanguine personality (some would say 'disorder'), I'm going to list some things that just make me smile - because I can; it's my blog!:

1. Byron: We got a new vacuum and he asked MY advice about how to put the thing together! I thought he was joking since we had been exchanging blonde jokes this morning - then I realized he was serious, and I just had to say,"oh, that's sooo sweet - of course, I can't help you even a little bit, but that's sooo sweet."

2. My boys are home all day now, and occasionally one of them will ask me to play legos with them or X-box. It's great to be loved by little boys!

3. My girls are busy with their own stuff, but they still sit and talk with us, they are a real part of our ministry and I see God growing them, especially through the difficult times. They both want to see all people come to know God's love. They're awesome!

4. The staff at c3 has grown smaller (leaner), but I'm always challenged and amazed by their passion and endurance - even in the small stuff like answering the phone, making coffee for meetings, or deciding what colors the background lights should be on Sunday. You all ROCK!

5. Just when I begin to feel the hate taking over, I see such love reflected back from someone in the congregation who's feeling the spirit of God in a fresh way. Life-change is what it's all about, and it makes the tough times really come into focus. Thanks for sharing your lives with us!

6. Even though the music's too loud and not really their "cup of tea", when I see someone of my parents generation or older worshiping God or overcome with joy at the sight of another person realizing God's love, I am witness to a personal sacrifice that's supernatural (Christ-likeness)!. Thank you for your selflessness, it convicts me and humbles me.

7. I thank God daily (Philippians- chapter one) for the "remnant" at c3 who has suffered loss, abuse and misunderstanding to stay and persevere in order to reach people that they don't even know. Heaven will look different because of their tears - I can only say "Thank You".

8. What can I say to the pastors and their wives:

Darrell and Andrea: Your passion for authentic worship and unwavering loyalty is refreshing and contagious. It's been
such a long winding road - thanks for always being there for us. Plus, you make me laugh and challenge me with your love of all people. They think we don't know much about the gospel, but we dooo!

Travis and Sandy: Your tireless devotion to the vision and personal strength astounds me and humbles me. Thanks for sharing this journey with Byron and me - Besides, without the two of you, we'd have to find a dozen seminary graduates to fill your shoes. Who knew ministry could be like an episode of "24"?

Barry and Amanda: You've joined your lives with us in such a seamless way. Everyone should experience friendship that's as unconditional and constant as you've been to us. Your singular focus and tenacity holds us up, literally. In Dallas, the Bishop spoke of leaders like the two of you who held up Moses' arms so the battle could be won. You hold up our arms and our spirits. Shut the "no" and open the "yes!".

9. Verna - you represent a whole lot of strength, girl! You put a serious dent in the whole "dumb blonde" theory. Thank you for your smile. Your passion for Jesus is amazing! Rock on!

10. I smile when I think of the countless prayers, hugs, shoulders, and hands who've held me up and been a beautiful shelter. I will always remember these blessings and will continually ask God to bless you in return. Thank you.

11. Byron makes me smile because no matter what I look like, he always looks at me like he did when he was sixteen. After twenty years, I'm more amazed every day by his strength, integrity and passion - "Like a Rock" isn't just the Chevy theme.

12. Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the "M & M" factory?
A: For throwing-out the "w's"!

So, I'm throwing out some "w's" today and concentrating on the "M & M's" because, at the end of the day, it's all about perspective.

Happy Wednesday!

2007-05-23T08:07:00.000-04:00

Today, I'm going to make a concerted effort to concentrate on happy things, blessings, and love. And blonde jokes. And the song "Fighter" because it makes me smile.

Yesterday, I was reminded of some important life lessons:

1. Don't stand in the wind after you put on lipgloss.
2. If a blonde has little "diamonds" put on the tips of her fingernails, staring at the 'shiny-ness' can cause her to almost wreck her car on the drive home (or so I've been told). Speaking of which:

Q.: What does a blonde say if you ask her if her car blinkers work?
A.: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

When someone in my family tries to make point or argument that doesn't make sense, my daughters (14 & 17) will say, "That ship didn't land!". This is because, a while back I was telling a joke the Angie-way (which is to lead with the punch-line, then get confused and say something like "...or whatever!", and I said, "Boy, that ship didn't land!", one daughter said, "Mom, ships don't 'land'!" to which I replied, "...yes they do, if they're a SPACESHIP!".

The boys crawled into our bed this morning - their first official day of summer and watched Byron get ready for the day.
Nate (9): "Dad, you mean you still have to go to work in the summertime?!"
Ethan (6): "Nate, adults only get the summer off if they leave the country!!"

Happy Wednesday!
Happy Summertime! (where's my passport!!)

("...thanks for making me a fighter...")

The Art of Losing

2007-05-22T20:48:00.000-04:00

Music moves me. Sometimes, when I can't find the words to express my feelings (my family will say that's never!), music can say it for me. Hillsong United has put out some great worship music, and tonight at band practice we sang what I'm feeling:

"From the Inside Out"

"A thousand times I've failed, still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again, still, I'm caught in Your grace.
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades.
Neverending, Your glory goes beyond all fame.

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise.
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades.
Neverending, Your glory goes beyond all fame.

In my heart, in my soul, Lord, I give you control
Consume me from the inside out, Lord
Let justice and [grace] become my embrace
To love You from the inside out."

This song was for me tonight because I've been struggling all day with "the art of losing myself in bringing [Him] praise...".
Just when I think I'm doing okay, I feel misunderstood, mistreated or misrepresented, then I want to fight back, defend myself or just sit in the corner and cry. But, I know God is teaching me things I can only learn through loss - then I can see the colors created by the art of pain.

A moment ago, my son sat in his dad's arms and cried over his own loss of friends. My agony at the sight of father and son crying together reminds me of how much more the heart of God breaks in our sorrow. He sees and hears - we must remember this always..."Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades. Neverending, Your glory goes beyond all fame. And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise, from the inside out, Lord, my soul cries out...".

Keepin' it real

2007-05-22T13:17:00.000-04:00

I love "blonde jokes". I know them well as I have heard hundreds over my years as me - (Plus, I kind of consider myself one long-running blonde joke). Here's a good one:

"What do you call a blonde with half a brain?":

"Gifted!"

Letting Go

2007-05-22T06:56:00.000-04:00

It's my boys' last day of school. This is especially significant because, after today, their school is closing for good. So, my heart is heavy and hurting for the teachers and families affected. I want to focus on my pain today, but time is short and ministry doesn't stop because I'm playing hurt.

People leave a church for reasons as various and as basic as why they came in the first place. I'm trying to learn the art of letting go. If someone wants to go, one reason is as good as the next, and not letting go soon enough can cause you to feel dragged down the highway, your chin hitting the pavement as you try to stop a speeding car by holding on to the bumper. I'm doing my best to learn this lesson - apparently I'm a slow learner because I seem to revisit this lesson over and over.

Traditionally speaking, success in the ministry is defined by not losing any good church member (or bad ones for that matter) unless they are dead (then you have to bury them on the property) or they move to Alaska (and then they must visit if they are within an 8 hour driving distance). Bottom line: A good church doesn't lose good people for no good reason! The only problem with all this is: IT'S A LIE.

But, redefining success - actually is just choosing to let go of my desire to know if I'm being "successful" in ministry or in life. My job is to just be obedient, and to let go of everything that gets in the way of that. That may sound cold or uncaring, but I don't let go because I don't care; I choose to let go because it hurts enough to really get in the way.

So, today when my boys get home from school, I'm sure I'll have a moment to feel my grief - the loss of children that I won't get to see grow up, the knowledge that those who leave won't get to see and feel what God's going to do. But I choose to lay it down and walk on. My heart is broken, but my spirit is free.

FOR REAL

2007-05-21T18:46:00.000-04:00

Authenticity is something I've been giving a lot of thought lately. Being an authentic blonde seems like somewhat of an oxymoron. I know that if "they" were passing out certificates for true "blondeness", I would definitely get a honkin' gold star honorable mention. But, what does it mean to be truly authentic. I have been criticized at this point before, and I guess I'm an easy target. Some things about me are so typical. i.e.:

1. One time my daughter told a "your mama" joke to which I replied "No, your mama!"
2. I love high-heels even though I'm too tall to begin with - most Sundays I'm around 6'1".
3. I have a purse-dog named "Sugar Boy" (someone once suggested that I should've given him a more masculine name, but he weighs two pounds and has a bow in his hair -- I don't really think the name "Spike" would help).
4. Over the years, I have developed my own sense of style -- it began when I was about seven and my mom's best friend said to her, "You've got to stop letting Angie dress herself!" and continues today with the people saying something like, "I would've never thought to put those pants with that shirt."
5. I'm learning how to use the computer as I'm writing this blog.
6. I'm a self-professed "drama queen preacher's wife" who (here's the real shocker) sings.

I could probably go on indefinitely - and that's just the stuff I'll admit. But, it's not just those typical things that make my "blondeness" significant, it's that I've become okay with it.

Many people, especially in the church-world, would define a good pastor's wife in certain terms. I was told one time that my "problem" (and Byron's) was that I didn't care enough what "people" think. That may be one of the most honest things I've ever been told. I've been fighting this illness for a long time - the "what will people think" illness that is so epidemic among women, especially church-women, and most especially pastor's wives. As a pastor's kid turned pastor's wife, I've suffered from this disease for as long as I can remember. My parents did a good job of trying to fight this phenomenon, and Byron has always done his best to protect my individuality. But it's just the nature of the beast.

So, I'm okay with whatever stereotypes people may place on me - I'm sure I encourage them on many levels. But, it's not my intention to say "Don't define me by my blondeness" - or any other superficial criteria - It's my intention to say that I'm okay with whatever people want to label me. Usually, labels have to do more with the critic's own issues than reality. I'm okay with not being everyone's ideal of a pastor's wife. I'm okay with judgments about how I dress, or how I look, or what I say - it goes with the territory. What I'm not okay with is the assertion that I'm not "authentic" because I don't fit a particular ideal. Authenticity is about being real. Who decides what the "real" Angie looks like. God made me the way I am, it's just my job to be okay with that, and to be okay with whatever "people" have to say about it. I just want others to experience the freedom I've found in embracing my true identity - blondeness and all. By God's grace (because that's the point of all this), I want to stop caring what "they" think and be something a lot less typical: real - even if it's wrapped-up in a brightly-colored, bedazzled, too blonde, too tall, too dramatic package. I'm okay with it, and I'm okay without it.

At the end of the day, authenticity is what's going to draw people to an authentic God. Jesus didn't take a poll of His popularity or apologize for His methods or message. So, I'll keep Him before me, and I'm sure He can deal with me, blondeness and all. Antithesis means to find the opposite of what you expect. Besides, how often do you see "blonde" next to a big word anyway.

Friends

2007-05-15T21:40:00.000-04:00

My parents just returned from Switzerland (after a mission trip to India). I've always wanted to go to Switzerland, and looking at their photos reminded me of why--the sheer beauty of the mountains, the land, the water... all of it. I was especially drawn to the snow covered mountains--the colder looking, the better. This is kind of ironic because anyone who knows me knows I'm a Florida girl thru-and-thru. If it's below 70 degrees, I'm pulling out the sweaters (byron doesn't mind this-he really likes me in sweaters). The truth is, in my imaginings of the swiss mountains there is always a quaint chalet nearby complete with a roaring fire, wool socks and hot chocolate (or Starbucks). I love my idea of snowcapped mountains because it's comfortable and safe. I can see the snow outside, even play in it if I want to. But when I get too cold I can run to my beautiful shelter.

Ministry is a lot like my dreams of Switzerland--breathtakingly beautiful from a distance or at least in a controlled environment (preferably a Swiss chalet), but when the freak blizzard crops up and there is no shelter (or starbucks!), it may not seem so beautiful. Any ideas I may have had about doing ministry in a controlled, safe environment have been shattered lately. This may sound horribly traumatic, and there's some of that, but mainly it's a blessing. Leadership can definitely seem like a cold mountain with no visible shelter, but it can also give you the gift of knowing who your true friends are. How many people really know who will weather the blizzards of life with them (not just the ones who will visit the chalet and drink your hot chocolate). How many people can name their true "shelter" friends. Byron and I can. God has allowed this blessing thru suffering.

Tonight I had band practice at the church. Of course, Byron went because he loves to be a part of the worship ministry even though he can't sing (although he says that when he's alone in the car he sounds just like the Big Daddy Weave guy!). So, I got to praise God surrounded by some of my best friends in the world (welcome back Amanda!)--People who I know will go through the fire with me (I know this because they have), and as we sang "Came to the Rescue" I was reminded again of my blessings, even in the blizzard, even when my dreams of a Swiss chalet seem so far away from reality. I was reminded that there are worse things in life than having a handful of "go to the wall" friends: having a zillion "friends" who disappear when the hot chocolate runs out. I am blessed in my sorrow and loss. And Sunday when we sing "Came to the Rescue", I'll smile to myself as I think: Byron and I may feel, at times, that we can count our true friends on one hand (couples counting as one, of course), but at least we can count them and count on them. To all of my true friends: Thanks for the shelter (and the starbucks!).