Sunburns

Q: What's the definition of eternity?
A: 4 blondes at a 4-way stop.

The boys and I spent a good part of the day at a local park that has a lake-front "beach". They spent hours playing with friends in the water, and although I had multiple containers of sunscreen, I forgot to put it on any of us. We got fried. It's embarrassing enough to get burned when you're a Floridian, but to let helpless children, in your care, burn is unthinkable, unless you're a tourist from Wisconsin.

I had to face my shame when Byron got home from work, and he put another coat of aloe gel on all three of us. So, tonight, I'm thinking about pain. And I'm thinking about how, at times this evening, I've forgotten that I was burned - until I bumped or scratched a sunburned area, and then I remember how sensitive that area is.

Pain in life can be like that for me ,too. I forget I've been wounded or hurt until something bumps or scratches the sensitive areas of my life. And when I've been hurt, I want to isolate - the exact opposite of what I need to do. I hate putting on that aloe gel stuff - it's cold, at first, and until it dries, I hate how it feels. But, it helps heal the burns - like spending time with good friends. Today I helped some sunburns of life heal by spending time with a good friend - it's like aloe for the soul.

When we get isolated from the ones who really help protect us from the burns of life, we can get fooled by the wind and the cloudiness, and not realze how much sun-damage we've gotten. We can think we're okay, only to realize, too late, that we've gotten fried. We all need proper boundaries against the relationships that don't make us better - the toxic people who fool us into the surprise "burns" on overcast days. But, if we're vigilant, we can find those "aloe" friends who can provide protection and shade from the sunburns of life.

Sandi, thanks for being an "aloe" kind of friend.

Peace!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She can get a pop-tart out of the toaster in one piece.

A Message to Martha ("Martha, Martha, Martha...")

Happy Wednesday! I'm so distracted today! I just can't seem to focus. And it's not even my normal "AAADBD" disorder (angie's adult attention deficit blonde disorder) - which, by the way, is such a long title, I forget what I'm saying half-way through!

It's more: I'm still thinking about women and their influence. (I discussed this recently in "The Biggest Loser"). This matters a lot to me lately because there are a bunch of new believers in my world now, and I'm so distracted by my sense of protection for them. I don't want them to be tainted by the religious, and their view of how godly women should function - which so often, because I was brought-up in the very culture I'm talking about, unfortunately includes me. How will they learn how to be "Mary" when the church is so full of "Martha"s.

I've heard countless Bible studies about Mary-Vs.-Martha. It's even a fad among church-women now to say something like, "Well, I'm a Martha, but I'm TRYING to be a Mary" - maybe the problem is the TRYING - we're still having to be in control! And, in my humble opinion, IT'S NOT WORKING!!!!!!! It's cool to say "I wanna be like Mary - just sitting at Jesus' feet!", but the reality is we want to remind everyone how we are the exception because we're so perfectly suited for all the "churchy" tasks that "sitting" anywhere is a real loss to the community around us - After all, "What will all the common people do if I don't bake my award-winning casserole for the Covered-Dish, while giving my advice to everyone about how the pastor could really improve his sermons, and strategically giving disapproving looks at that teenager who is NOT dressed like she's going to church... praise the Lord!"

We all want to SAY we admire Mary, but only want to "sit" if we get credit - like sitting down to our Tuesday Bible study, not to be confused with our Thursday prayer group, or our Monday night evangelism class. But how much of it is leading us to be more like Jesus - to be about the things HE cares about? If the attitude of most church-women that I've met is any indicator... - Well, I think I'll go find that inappropriately-dressed teenager and talk with her a while, and let her know that God loves her and get a reality check about where Jesus spent his time.

Maybe I just need to be reminded of what truly set Mary and Martha a part: What they did with their love for Jesus. While Martha did lots of "stuff", and couldn't let go of her incessant need for approval (sound familiar?), Mary just wanted to find out what Jesus really cared about - not to be lazy, but to absorb the mission - time was short, and instead of asking others what "jobs" were important, she went straight to the Source. Is not the time growing short for us - how many "studies" does it take to motivate us to GET OUT THERE! How many times will we let the "good things" distract us from what Jesus did and would do today.

If we really decide to GET REAL, put down our "study-guides", and DO SOMETHING - ANYTHING that causes us to really follow Christ, then we will be tempted to be terrified, we will lose many of the relationships we think we can't live without, we will be criticized by almost everyone, we will be misunderstood by many, and we will often feel alone - especially around the "Martha"s - but in the eyes of Jesus we will see His mission if we look closely enough - then, we just have to decide if we're willing to follow.

Laying it all down to follow Jesus!: It's not just a "good thing", it's everything! The new believers in my world are counting on us - and just so I'm clear: IF YOUR IDEA OF A GODLY WOMAN INCLUDES THE BEHAVIOR I'VE WITNESSED IN RECENT MONTHS BY SO MANY CHURCH-GIRLS, ("the biggest loser" ring a bell?) - STAY AWAY FROM THE NEW BELIEVERS IN MY WORLD - please stay in your Bible-studies, prayers groups and evangelism classes - please keep your "religion" under wraps!

I guess I could take some comfort in the fact that because all the "Martha"s are going to stay in the kitchen, there's tons of room at Jesus' feet. (This might comfort me if it didn't make me want to weep).

Increase the peace! (and the "sitting").

Oh yeah,... I DARE YOU TO MOVE!

Florida Girl

I'm sitting out by the pool, listening to the birds and planning my rose garden. We are traveling a ton this summer, so I'll probably wait on the planting - of course, when I get the bug, I just can't wait to get my hands dirty. It's a beautiful day, and Byron spent time this weekend making the patio more beautiful because he knows it's a real place of solace for me. We spent yesterday afternoon with some friends - letting the children swim, and just be kids. It was refreshing, and of course, every day is improved by watermelon and ice cream sandwiches.

I'm thankful today for living in such a gorgeous place, for my family, for my friends, and for Byron who always looks for ways to make me smile. It's just a few days before hurricane season starts, but living here is worth the storms - kind of like being in the ministry here - it's all worth it on days like today (or Sunday) when I can focus on the sunshine, the sound of the birds, children laughing, and roses. You can really know I'm feeling the love by this: I'm gonna make my man a pot roast! That really is a metaphor for our relationship - I love roses, and he loves pot roast. So, it's pretty much a perfect day!

The Remains of the Day

The C3 Picnic was great - it was, for me, the perfect ending to a very inspiring day.

I wasn't feeling well this morning, so I didn't sing on the platform, I did, however, sing from my seat during the 10:30 service. I really felt the presence of God as Byron reminded people of God's love and how we should be showing that love to the world around us. And as we sang "...Shine your light - Let the whole world see - We're singing for the glory of the risen King - Jesus!", I was quiet for a moment so I could really hear the voices around me - many of whom weren't there six months ago, now they're praising God with abandon - and I took a moment to absorb the sound, to recognize what was taking place around me. It gives me strength to keep up the fight - the fight for love! The picnic was a sweet time to spend with new faces and some old friends, and although I thought I would be hurt by who I knew wouldn't be there, I didn't really feel that emotion at all - I just felt the love, and love makes it worth it all.

Thanks to the Boane family, Travis and Sandy and everyone who made this a great time.

C3 Rocks - INCREASE THE PEACE!

I'll leave you with this:

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde then laughed hysterically, so the truck driver asked her what was so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

(This joke makes me smile because I'm stepping out of the circle, and it's all good!)

The Biggest Loser

I love the reality show "The Biggest Loser"; it has it all: drama, competition, relationship-issues, and ultimately life-change. I had the opportunity to catch a marathon of a past season, and I was absolutely hooked. It fascinated me to observe the difference between how the all-male team and the all-female team functioned. There's something about putting a group of women in an enclosed area for more than about fifteen minutes; somebody's goin' down. And while the men were having their share of competitiveness, - because, after all, it is a game - the women were... well, let's just say they lived up to the stereotype. The men were more using the strength-through-unity approach, while the women seemed so busy gossiping, and then being offended - back-stabbing, and then being shocked when there was no loyalty - undermining and criticizing, and then pouting over the lack of unity. It was fascinating - and sad.

One girl, in particular, seemed to (although she may have been grossly misrepresented thru editing) always be in the middle of the conflict. In fact, when she was overwhelmingly "voted off", even by the men, the reason was not: she's a threat in the game or she's not pulling her weight in the challenges - it was "she's an instigator, and we can't trust her." As I was thinking about the feelings she provoked in her teammates, I heard IT, and it all became so clear: She leads music in her church back home! SHOCKER!! And I thought, "of course, she's a church-girl, she's learned duplicity from the best."

This reminded me of an incident I heard of recently where a group of church-women (members, at the time, of my church - unfortunately) were in a huddle at a children's sport practice. They were "sharing concerns" in such an animated and obtrusive way that a non-church member had to rebuke them and ask them to stop. If this were an isolated incident - well, "as if !" We should be ashamed and convicted.

Women have been given a great gift from God: the gift of influence. We use it and often abuse it. I've seen it so many times, and have been guilty of it myself - the "holy huddles" of "concern" - the bible studies turned gossip-session - the phone calls and e-mails sharing "prayer requests" or the "I just thought you should know..." Let's just get real, we are given to gossip - we cut off our noses to spite our face. We give up the ultimate: life-change, for the temporal. We wallow in the muck, when we've been given a gift that can cause us to rise up and fascilitate change - LIFE-CHANGE!

If we choose to rebel and not get our...stuff together, everyone loses (and not in the good "biggest loser" kind of way). The list of casualties is never an acceptable loss when we engage in this behavior. We don't just hurt our "target" - we must ask ourselves who it is that we don't care about: our church, our community, our friends, our spouse, OUR CHILDREN - because they're all on the list of losers when we wag our tongues and destroy lives one "prayer request" at a time. We all lose, but the real biggest loser is the cause of Christ.

We have at our disposal the most powerful tool of influence that there is: love. We just, so often, pass it up for more alluring options that make us feel superior and those in our path feel devastated. How much could we change? - Jesus said the most important command is to "love God and love others", and that "they" will know us by our love - so, how we love others is a direct representation of how we love God. My prayer is that God has mercy on us for using our gifts for the Enemy - beginning with myself. Imagine what we could do if we chose to love first and foremost. For, after all, in the game of life -

LOVE WINS.

More notes from "La-La Land"

I haven't blogged in a while; I've been busy. Byron read a blonde joke and decided to test it out.:

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
A: Write "flip this over" on both sides of a piece of paper.

Good one! I only wish he hadn't taped the note to the refrigerator.

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor." "No, from all that skipping."

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A: It said "concentrate"

Sunday morning is just around the corner. I think tomorrow's service will be especially significant for many people. I'm praying that God moves in an awesome way. Then, tomorrow evening we're having a C3 "Memorial Day Picnic". I'm looking forward to being able to hang-out and meet some new people. It's going to be a blast! - there will be cool stuff for kids (and blondes - like, face-painting and balloon animals). Come out and join us, and tell me your best blonde joke (5:30-8:30 p.m. @ the C3 campus). Hope to see you there!

Gotta run - that fridge won't flip itself!

A Message From Home

I recently watched a movie which reminded me of the one thing that people have in common: the need to belong, to be loved above anything or anyone else - to feel "home". In this beautiful yet brutal civil war movie, no amount of physical hardship can stand in the way of a soldier's journey home to the only place where he truly feels loved. So, he trudges across bitter terrain and endures the utter lack of food, shelter, and safety - all to return to where he feels he belongs. He doesn't even know if his pre-war sweetheart has waited for him. He only has one letter which begs him to return soon, "...if you are fighting, stop your fighting and return to me. If you are marching, stop marching and return to me. Return to me." So he does. It takes him months, perhaps longer. Yet, nothing deters him because he has to keep moving in the direction of HOPE.

We all do that, don't we? - move in the direction of hope. The only other option is to give up and die. It is a part of the human condition to experience the desperate need for love, to belong, to be home. It gives us breath - without it we die.

There are people all around us who don't know where the hope lies. They would give anything to feel that they truly belong. They would traverse any distance if they could only receive the message that there is someone, anyone who would be waiting for them - a place where they would be received and accepted. Don't we, as Christ-followers, know that such a place exists? We've received the message. God has said to us all, "I love you - desperately, passionately, above anything else. Stop marching. Stop fighting. Return to me. Return to me and be home."

Maybe we need to be reminded of the love-letter in the pocket of our tattered uniform. Maybe we need to read it again to remember what lies in store for us. Maybe we need to get up and get back on the road home. Or maybe we just need to give someone else the message, so they can begin to travel in the direction of hope.

Selah!

I should be asleep. I've been awake since 5 a.m.. There are so many things on my mind. I'm just asking God to cover me in His grace and mercy tonight. I know it's all I need, although my mind tells me I need to figure everything out by myself. I know I need to spend less time thinking and more time waiting. "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. We will wait upon the Lord - You are the Everlasting God. You do not faint, You won't grow weary. You're the defender of the weak, You comfort those in need. You lift us up on wings like eagles." I'd love to soar on wings like eagles, but right now I just need to be quiet and wait. Rest is not easy for a restless mind, so I'm going to be still for a while and know "our God, You reign forever, our Hope, our Strong Deliverer."
"I will lie down in peace and sleep for You, oh Lord, will keep me safe." I can sleep because my God never slumbers. As a child, I memorized many Psalms, and although I rarely remember the exact reference or wording, God is always faithful to bring what I need to my rememberence - no more, no less. I think it's Psalm 121 that says something like: "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills - From whence cometh my help? - My help cometh from the Lord. - The Lord watches over [me] - the sun shall not smite [me] by day nor the moon by night - He who watches [me] does not slumber - He who watches over Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps.
Now I will lie down in peace and sleep for "joy comes in the morning..." Selah!

Happy Wednesday, continued...

In my continued effort to embrace the sanguine half of my melancholy/sanguine personality (some would say 'disorder'), I'm going to list some things that just make me smile - because I can; it's my blog!:

1. Byron: We got a new vacuum and he asked MY advice about how to put the thing together! I thought he was joking since we had been exchanging blonde jokes this morning - then I realized he was serious, and I just had to say,"oh, that's sooo sweet - of course, I can't help you even a little bit, but that's sooo sweet."

2. My boys are home all day now, and occasionally one of them will ask me to play legos with them or X-box. It's great to be loved by little boys!

3. My girls are busy with their own stuff, but they still sit and talk with us, they are a real part of our ministry and I see God growing them, especially through the difficult times. They both want to see all people come to know God's love. They're awesome!

4. The staff at c3 has grown smaller (leaner), but I'm always challenged and amazed by their passion and endurance - even in the small stuff like answering the phone, making coffee for meetings, or deciding what colors the background lights should be on Sunday. You all ROCK!

5. Just when I begin to feel the hate taking over, I see such love reflected back from someone in the congregation who's feeling the spirit of God in a fresh way. Life-change is what it's all about, and it makes the tough times really come into focus. Thanks for sharing your lives with us!

6. Even though the music's too loud and not really their "cup of tea", when I see someone of my parents generation or older worshiping God or overcome with joy at the sight of another person realizing God's love, I am witness to a personal sacrifice that's supernatural (Christ-likeness)!. Thank you for your selflessness, it convicts me and humbles me.

7. I thank God daily (Philippians- chapter one) for the "remnant" at c3 who has suffered loss, abuse and misunderstanding to stay and persevere in order to reach people that they don't even know. Heaven will look different because of their tears - I can only say "Thank You".

8. What can I say to the pastors and their wives:

Darrell and Andrea: Your passion for authentic worship and unwavering loyalty is refreshing and contagious. It's been
such a long winding road - thanks for always being there for us. Plus, you make me laugh and challenge me with your love of all people. They think we don't know much about the gospel, but we dooo!

Travis and Sandy: Your tireless devotion to the vision and personal strength astounds me and humbles me. Thanks for sharing this journey with Byron and me - Besides, without the two of you, we'd have to find a dozen seminary graduates to fill your shoes. Who knew ministry could be like an episode of "24"?

Barry and Amanda: You've joined your lives with us in such a seamless way. Everyone should experience friendship that's as unconditional and constant as you've been to us. Your singular focus and tenacity holds us up, literally. In Dallas, the Bishop spoke of leaders like the two of you who held up Moses' arms so the battle could be won. You hold up our arms and our spirits. Shut the "no" and open the "yes!".

9. Verna - you represent a whole lot of strength, girl! You put a serious dent in the whole "dumb blonde" theory. Thank you for your smile. Your passion for Jesus is amazing! Rock on!

10. I smile when I think of the countless prayers, hugs, shoulders, and hands who've held me up and been a beautiful shelter. I will always remember these blessings and will continually ask God to bless you in return. Thank you.

11. Byron makes me smile because no matter what I look like, he always looks at me like he did when he was sixteen. After twenty years, I'm more amazed every day by his strength, integrity and passion - "Like a Rock" isn't just the Chevy theme.

12. Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the "M & M" factory?
A: For throwing-out the "w's"!

So, I'm throwing out some "w's" today and concentrating on the "M & M's" because, at the end of the day, it's all about perspective.

Happy Wednesday!

Today, I'm going to make a concerted effort to concentrate on happy things, blessings, and love. And blonde jokes. And the song "Fighter" because it makes me smile.

Yesterday, I was reminded of some important life lessons:

1. Don't stand in the wind after you put on lipgloss.
2. If a blonde has little "diamonds" put on the tips of her fingernails, staring at the 'shiny-ness' can cause her to almost wreck her car on the drive home (or so I've been told). Speaking of which:

Q.: What does a blonde say if you ask her if her car blinkers work?
A.: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.

When someone in my family tries to make point or argument that doesn't make sense, my daughters (14 & 17) will say, "That ship didn't land!". This is because, a while back I was telling a joke the Angie-way (which is to lead with the punch-line, then get confused and say something like "...or whatever!", and I said, "Boy, that ship didn't land!", one daughter said, "Mom, ships don't 'land'!" to which I replied, "...yes they do, if they're a SPACESHIP!".

The boys crawled into our bed this morning - their first official day of summer and watched Byron get ready for the day.
Nate (9): "Dad, you mean you still have to go to work in the summertime?!"
Ethan (6): "Nate, adults only get the summer off if they leave the country!!"

Happy Wednesday!
Happy Summertime! (where's my passport!!)

("...thanks for making me a fighter...")

The Art of Losing

Music moves me. Sometimes, when I can't find the words to express my feelings (my family will say that's never!), music can say it for me. Hillsong United has put out some great worship music, and tonight at band practice we sang what I'm feeling:

"From the Inside Out"

"A thousand times I've failed, still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again, still, I'm caught in Your grace.
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades.
Neverending, Your glory goes beyond all fame.

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise.
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades.
Neverending, Your glory goes beyond all fame.

In my heart, in my soul, Lord, I give you control
Consume me from the inside out, Lord
Let justice and [grace] become my embrace
To love You from the inside out."

This song was for me tonight because I've been struggling all day with "the art of losing myself in bringing [Him] praise...".
Just when I think I'm doing okay, I feel misunderstood, mistreated or misrepresented, then I want to fight back, defend myself or just sit in the corner and cry. But, I know God is teaching me things I can only learn through loss - then I can see the colors created by the art of pain.

A moment ago, my son sat in his dad's arms and cried over his own loss of friends. My agony at the sight of father and son crying together reminds me of how much more the heart of God breaks in our sorrow. He sees and hears - we must remember this always..."Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades. Neverending, Your glory goes beyond all fame. And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise, from the inside out, Lord, my soul cries out...".

Keepin' it real

I love "blonde jokes". I know them well as I have heard hundreds over my years as me - (Plus, I kind of consider myself one long-running blonde joke). Here's a good one:

"What do you call a blonde with half a brain?":

"Gifted!"

Letting Go

It's my boys' last day of school. This is especially significant because, after today, their school is closing for good. So, my heart is heavy and hurting for the teachers and families affected. I want to focus on my pain today, but time is short and ministry doesn't stop because I'm playing hurt.

People leave a church for reasons as various and as basic as why they came in the first place. I'm trying to learn the art of letting go. If someone wants to go, one reason is as good as the next, and not letting go soon enough can cause you to feel dragged down the highway, your chin hitting the pavement as you try to stop a speeding car by holding on to the bumper. I'm doing my best to learn this lesson - apparently I'm a slow learner because I seem to revisit this lesson over and over.

Traditionally speaking, success in the ministry is defined by not losing any good church member (or bad ones for that matter) unless they are dead (then you have to bury them on the property) or they move to Alaska (and then they must visit if they are within an 8 hour driving distance). Bottom line: A good church doesn't lose good people for no good reason! The only problem with all this is: IT'S A LIE.

But, redefining success - actually is just choosing to let go of my desire to know if I'm being "successful" in ministry or in life. My job is to just be obedient, and to let go of everything that gets in the way of that. That may sound cold or uncaring, but I don't let go because I don't care; I choose to let go because it hurts enough to really get in the way.

So, today when my boys get home from school, I'm sure I'll have a moment to feel my grief - the loss of children that I won't get to see grow up, the knowledge that those who leave won't get to see and feel what God's going to do. But I choose to lay it down and walk on. My heart is broken, but my spirit is free.

FOR REAL

Authenticity is something I've been giving a lot of thought lately. Being an authentic blonde seems like somewhat of an oxymoron. I know that if "they" were passing out certificates for true "blondeness", I would definitely get a honkin' gold star honorable mention. But, what does it mean to be truly authentic. I have been criticized at this point before, and I guess I'm an easy target. Some things about me are so typical. i.e.:

1. One time my daughter told a "your mama" joke to which I replied "No, your mama!"
2. I love high-heels even though I'm too tall to begin with - most Sundays I'm around 6'1".
3. I have a purse-dog named "Sugar Boy" (someone once suggested that I should've given him a more masculine name, but he weighs two pounds and has a bow in his hair -- I don't really think the name "Spike" would help).
4. Over the years, I have developed my own sense of style -- it began when I was about seven and my mom's best friend said to her, "You've got to stop letting Angie dress herself!" and continues today with the people saying something like, "I would've never thought to put those pants with that shirt."
5. I'm learning how to use the computer as I'm writing this blog.
6. I'm a self-professed "drama queen preacher's wife" who (here's the real shocker) sings.

I could probably go on indefinitely - and that's just the stuff I'll admit. But, it's not just those typical things that make my "blondeness" significant, it's that I've become okay with it.

Many people, especially in the church-world, would define a good pastor's wife in certain terms. I was told one time that my "problem" (and Byron's) was that I didn't care enough what "people" think. That may be one of the most honest things I've ever been told. I've been fighting this illness for a long time - the "what will people think" illness that is so epidemic among women, especially church-women, and most especially pastor's wives. As a pastor's kid turned pastor's wife, I've suffered from this disease for as long as I can remember. My parents did a good job of trying to fight this phenomenon, and Byron has always done his best to protect my individuality. But it's just the nature of the beast.

So, I'm okay with whatever stereotypes people may place on me - I'm sure I encourage them on many levels. But, it's not my intention to say "Don't define me by my blondeness" - or any other superficial criteria - It's my intention to say that I'm okay with whatever people want to label me. Usually, labels have to do more with the critic's own issues than reality. I'm okay with not being everyone's ideal of a pastor's wife. I'm okay with judgments about how I dress, or how I look, or what I say - it goes with the territory. What I'm not okay with is the assertion that I'm not "authentic" because I don't fit a particular ideal. Authenticity is about being real. Who decides what the "real" Angie looks like. God made me the way I am, it's just my job to be okay with that, and to be okay with whatever "people" have to say about it. I just want others to experience the freedom I've found in embracing my true identity - blondeness and all. By God's grace (because that's the point of all this), I want to stop caring what "they" think and be something a lot less typical: real - even if it's wrapped-up in a brightly-colored, bedazzled, too blonde, too tall, too dramatic package. I'm okay with it, and I'm okay without it.

At the end of the day, authenticity is what's going to draw people to an authentic God. Jesus didn't take a poll of His popularity or apologize for His methods or message. So, I'll keep Him before me, and I'm sure He can deal with me, blondeness and all. Antithesis means to find the opposite of what you expect. Besides, how often do you see "blonde" next to a big word anyway.

Friends

My parents just returned from Switzerland (after a mission trip to India). I've always wanted to go to Switzerland, and looking at their photos reminded me of why--the sheer beauty of the mountains, the land, the water... all of it. I was especially drawn to the snow covered mountains--the colder looking, the better. This is kind of ironic because anyone who knows me knows I'm a Florida girl thru-and-thru. If it's below 70 degrees, I'm pulling out the sweaters (byron doesn't mind this-he really likes me in sweaters). The truth is, in my imaginings of the swiss mountains there is always a quaint chalet nearby complete with a roaring fire, wool socks and hot chocolate (or Starbucks). I love my idea of snowcapped mountains because it's comfortable and safe. I can see the snow outside, even play in it if I want to. But when I get too cold I can run to my beautiful shelter.

Ministry is a lot like my dreams of Switzerland--breathtakingly beautiful from a distance or at least in a controlled environment (preferably a Swiss chalet), but when the freak blizzard crops up and there is no shelter (or starbucks!), it may not seem so beautiful. Any ideas I may have had about doing ministry in a controlled, safe environment have been shattered lately. This may sound horribly traumatic, and there's some of that, but mainly it's a blessing. Leadership can definitely seem like a cold mountain with no visible shelter, but it can also give you the gift of knowing who your true friends are. How many people really know who will weather the blizzards of life with them (not just the ones who will visit the chalet and drink your hot chocolate). How many people can name their true "shelter" friends. Byron and I can. God has allowed this blessing thru suffering.

Tonight I had band practice at the church. Of course, Byron went because he loves to be a part of the worship ministry even though he can't sing (although he says that when he's alone in the car he sounds just like the Big Daddy Weave guy!). So, I got to praise God surrounded by some of my best friends in the world (welcome back Amanda!)--People who I know will go through the fire with me (I know this because they have), and as we sang "Came to the Rescue" I was reminded again of my blessings, even in the blizzard, even when my dreams of a Swiss chalet seem so far away from reality. I was reminded that there are worse things in life than having a handful of "go to the wall" friends: having a zillion "friends" who disappear when the hot chocolate runs out. I am blessed in my sorrow and loss. And Sunday when we sing "Came to the Rescue", I'll smile to myself as I think: Byron and I may feel, at times, that we can count our true friends on one hand (couples counting as one, of course), but at least we can count them and count on them. To all of my true friends: Thanks for the shelter (and the starbucks!).