Let Me Not...

Let me not be distracted by the common things
The little things that catch my eye and cause me to give a moment's pause
Let me not linger too long in dismay over the evidences of my journey
The tell-tale signs of my struggles written on my face in deeper lines and creases
Let me not agonize over the fading of youth and beauty
But only ask what You see in the creases and the lines
Let me not gather the ashes of my yesterdays
In wishing for things discarded by Your hand
Let me not collect my scars like keepsakes held in pretty jars
To be admired and cherished for my own sake
Let me not be distracted by the common things
Let me not linger, agonize, gather, collect
Unless it is to:
Linger at Your feet
Agonize over another's soul
Gather the evidences of Your grace
Collect the memories of Your blessings
In these I will glory and dwell
And from them, let me not ever wander too far.

Peace.

Renaissance Man

So I went to a great sushi restaurant yesterday for lunch. It was Ah-mazing ("Fusian" - on Woodberry); it was so good that I took Byron back there for supper. During lunch, I kept thinking that he would love the modern yet organic decor, and he would think their new age/jazz music was cool, etc...

When we got there, they gave us the table I knew he'd like (it has these cool orange wingbacks - super comfy).

So as he was "popping" edamame, and drinking Voss (his favorite sparking water), I began to think about how much he's changed since I met him over 20 years ago. To say that he's different now is an understatement. He didn't branch-out very often, back then, in the area of food, decor, music, or the way he dressed. He was a typical "meat and potatoes" Texan - everything normal and predictable - no surprises! Then, he met me, and God called him into the pastorate...

For years he did the whole normal pastor thing, the double-breasted suits and the pastor hair (he DID have hair). He never was particularly political, but he could "bring it" in the pulpit - so he was always "successful". His administrative skills and loyalty (and the utter lack of the typical "messianic complex" that most in the ministry suffer from) caused him to be a great associate, then senior pastor...Then, he began to desire more - more than the safe, predictable ministry at which he was excelling.

So he did something that was absolutely contrary to his very existence up to that point. Something that no one would've recommended. He changed. He changed everything from his philosophy of ministry to his hair. He shaved his head and threw out the preacher pretense. He started looking for ways to experience more out of life than canned green-beans and pot-roast. He began to truly look at people as opportunities for connection rather than a project to feel successful (I think the latter may be taught as a seminary course "How to feel successful in your ministry by how many circles you can run around in without ever truly effecting life-change" - well, the title may not be that long). He began to refuse to be in bondage to the dictates of the religious, but instead really asked "What would Jesus do?". He began to demand more of himself and those around him, and ask the question, "Why is this community of faith placed here in this area - are we accomplishing the work of Christ, or just building a legacy unto ourselves...?"

He asked, and the masses answered - vehemently (the religious) and overwhelmingly (the unchurched). He was vilified, attacked, threatened, lied-about and betrayed - and yet he continued to push for more...more change, more authenticity, more love of the person of Christ rather than the tradition of man...He walked on through the fire and the storm, and never wavered except to say to me, "If it becomes too much, just say the word, and I'll leave it all behind, today, because I am no success in my ministry if I lose you and the kids..."

So, sitting at dinner last night at a sushi restaurant, watching him eat exotic food, comment on his new love of a very different decor than he was supposed to appreciate, and wearing a brightly colored "floweredee" shirt - And all because I wanted to go there, and I wanted him to try the food and see the decor, hear the music, and I had given him the pretty shirt...etc. I considered all of the ways he had changed.

So, I commented on how different he was than "back in the day", and he answered, "Yeah, I'm different, and it all boils down to one thing: "I fell in love..."

That is what it all boils down to with him: LOVE. He has learned, through adversity, to love with abandon. He has been willing to sacrifice everything for love. He is one of the few people in this world who has earned the right to say, "I would die for you.", and you can believe it. He is becoming a true "Renaissance Man" on a mission of love and mercy. It's a beautiful thing to observe someone doing what they were truly born to do.

So, to me, he's a renaissance man - my renaissance man - and I love him and am grateful for and proud of all the changes...It's been quite a ride, and I've never been more excited to see what's in store for tomorrow. I am truly blessed.

Peace.

The Other Three C's

Happy, happy Wednesday!

Today I got to hang-out with the other C3 pastor's wives. We're a small group now - so we're tight.

There are many things I've learned over the past year - some of them I hoped and expected to see, like the movement of God, the development of more diversity in the church, and God's complete faithfulness through the struggle (all of these have surpassed my expectations!)

One thing I didn't expect was the feeling (and, in some ways, reality) of "mass exodus" - so many losses, many of which I didn't see coming, and the grave disappointment which inevitably followed. I stopped telling myself, "I know them, they won't bail!" I definitely stopped saying "How much worse could it possibly get?"

Of course, the Enemy knows our fears, and each time someone would go, there would be the temptation to panic...to give in. But, the fear is always overcome by love. All of the strife and contention has led to something - many things - that are beautiful. It's all about the "other" 3 c's: change, which leads to conflict, which causes chaos - which facilitates growth!

The other thing that I didn't expect is the outcome of the loss - the gain. Gaining the knowledge of the blessing of true friendship, gaining the gift of understanding pain, gaining the freedom to be who God created me to be without reservation or condemnation. The safe place of real, solace-type friendship is rare - I have discovered - but it does exist, and I experienced it again in full measure today. And I am thankful.

I hope everyone feels the depths of true "shelter" friends at least once in their lives - we can all begin by being that for someone else. It's awesome - and, for me, it's so "C3".

Happy, happy Wednesday! Love someone today. Peace.

What Day Is It?

I woke-up in a bad mood. Last night, my boys left to go visit their cousins in south Florida. So, no "Splash-Zone" for me today. (By the way, the Splash-zone "authorities" made me go put my large iced-coffee in the car before entering...I'm telling you, it's a conspiracy! (see Happy Darn Wednesday).

Instead of frolicking with my boys, I went to the office and tried to fill in for Byron's secretary, Peggy, who is out of town. The morning began with me spilling my large iced-coffee all over my desk and floor (it's like someone is trying to tell me something - like, "always use spill-proof containers!"), then the day progressed downhill from there.

Apparently, my office computer has developed quite an attitude over my growing love-affair with my MacBook, and it wouldn't cooperate - it refused to even recognize me on the network! Back to my Mac - I love her, she always accepts me, never judges - even when I write stupid stuff. She always acts shocked that I would delete any of my pearls of wisdom by saying, "Are you sure you want to delete this?". I know she's really saying, "You're awesome, Angie, and all of your words are wonderful..." I love her...But, I digress.

So, anyway my office computer reminded me, once again that I have no marketable skills, and Byron needs to check the amount on his life-insurance policy, unless he wants me to turn to a life of crime should something befall him, God forbid!

Tonight is band practice, so I need to get my stuff together, so I can worship the Lord properly...Maybe I just need to get some coffee. This time I'm going to "Cuppy's" where I know I'll be treated right! I'm gonna try to act happy the rest of the day, or Byron will remember that we haven't worked-out yet, and make me work-out my grumpiness on the Bowflex...I need to fly under the radar as much as possible...Peace!

The Remains of the Day...

Another Sunday has come and gone. This one was packed with good things:

*Although, I was particularly tired during our a.m. band practice (mainly due to my husband putting me through a sadistic Bowflex/elliptical workout the day before wherein I had to put my head between my knees to keep from passing out), the worship sets were filled with passion and energy, and the congregation responded with the same spirit.

*Byron's message about our real Enemy: Satan, was profound in it's doctrine, yet so practical that it caused all of us to reflect on who we allow to get the power in the limited time we have left on this earth - are we wasting our seconds or utilizing them to their full potential. Plus, I learned that Byron is going to live until 2057 (according to Deathclock.com), so I say, "Why kill ourselves with grueling workouts - if your gonna live that long anyway?"

*It was good to see the faces of people I've never seen before, great to see returning and increasingly more familiar faces, and awesome to see friends who ARE friends - like aloe for the soul...(see "Sunburns").

*Happy Birthday, Monica! And welcome home Travis and Sandi!

*We had a good lunch with great friends. (mine was healthy and nutritious!)

*We got a long nap - a couple of hours. WONDERFUL!!!!

*We took the boys to Barnes&Noble to get a new book, get Starbucks, and catch-up on our blog-reading.

*I was reminded again today of how much I love books - new books, old books - I love the way they look. I love the way they smell even... I think I'm gonna hang-out there more often, and try to find my library card...

*Reading the blogs of the other staff wives and women in the church, the past few days, has made me so thankful to have such strong and faithful women in my life. The honesty and insight I'm hearing from them is inspiring. It fills me with hope...

So, today was a great day, and I'm tired - but it's the good kind of tired - Tomorrow I get to go back to the splash-park with some of my "girls" - it's for the children (they are our future, you know - just doing my part).

Now, I have to go to sleep - Byron tells me my muscles need proper rest to repair, so we can break them down, to build them back...blah, blah, blah...(see what I'm dealing with - I need an intervention!).

Good night - Peace.

The Whispers of God

I should be asleep...tonight's different from last night, though. Tonight I'm thinking about the gift of words - the blessing of expression.

Byron and I were listening to George Winston tonight, because I'm feeling poetic and George Winston fits me when I feel poetic...

When I heard the first few notes of the "album" entitled December, I was right back in my stark little dorm room on a mountain in Asheville, NC where I went to boarding school during my junior year of high school. Back then, my words were truly my closest companion. I had a treasured book of Emily Dickinson poems that I would read and reread.

My favorite of her poems in my little book (she wrote hundreds in total), was, not surprisingly, also the saddest to me:

"IF you were coming in the fall,
I’d brush the summer by
With half a smile and half a spurn,
As housewives do a fly.

If I could see you in a year,
I’d wind the months in balls,
And put them each in separate drawers,
Until their time befalls.

If only centuries delayed,
I’d count them on my hand,
Subtracting till my fingers dropped
Into Van Diemen’s land.

If certain, when this life was out,
That yours and mine should be,
I’d toss it yonder like a rind,
And taste eternity.

But now, all ignorant of the length
Of time’s uncertain wing,
It goads me, like the goblin bee,
That will not state its sting." (Emily Dickinson)

I would listen to George Winston (as we were allowed to listen to little else) and write down my thoughts and little poems. I wish I still had all of those words on paper, although, it would probably be humorously dramatic.

I guess, I was just learning how to be alone.

And now as I've begun again to chronicle my feelings. I've realized more fully the power of expression.

Writing, for me, is an act of freedom and passion. Words are like jewels to me, and a beautiful thought is like the whispers of God reminding me that I am never alone.

Peace.

What's In a Name?

You may wonder about the term "Christ-follower". Why don't I just identify myself as a "Christian"? You may believe it's just semantics or the fad of the day...sure, there may be some of that. But, for me, there's a more specific reason. If I'm going to identify myself with a label - I would at least like it to be definable...to me, if someone says they're a Christian it only muddies the waters, there's little clarity there. Somewhere around 90% of Americans consider themselves to be Christian! But why "Christ-follower"? Well, for me it's much more self-explanatory. It's not about what I SAY I am, but what I choose to do. It's not just a label, but a lifestyle.

After 30 plus years of identifying myself as a Christian, I began to realize that I was allowing myself to be defined by a term that had lost any real meaning. This has become particularly important to me especially in the last year or so. Aside from desiring to be more specific in what I am, I also desire to distance myself from what I am not. Beyond the ambiguity of those who randomly call themselves christian, many times, I've felt a growing need to separate myself from those who consider themselves to be "Leading Christians".

Just a few observations which have led me to this conclusion:

*It seems that the longer someone uses a label, the more they become proud of the label itself rather than the reason for it ("Don't tell me! I've been a Christian longer than you've been alive..."). Contrast this with a new believer who is so grateful for the rescuing love and grace of God.

*How come Christians from Christian organizations - much of the time, complain the loudest and rebel the most when their church environment is changed - to reach the lost, no less!? This has been so profound @ C3 that I believe we should ask a few specific questions when considering someone for C3 church membership, like: "Would you consider yourself to be a Christian 'leader'?" or "How long have you worked in that missions organization that evangelizes on the other side of the world?...Oh, 15 years, you say?" and then when they give their glowing resume of how they will do "whatever it takes" to reach lost people-groups (as long as it doesn't affect their home turf), we should go ahead and hand them a list of other local churches which would make them FEEL more comfortable.

*Following Christ means to follow, not to be led by my own selfish desires. Desires which can lead us to say things like: "This is MY church, and the lost don't pay the bills!", or "I want everyone to go to heaven, I just don't want to go to church with all of them." or "That pastor is destroying lives, I mean, have you SEEN the kind of people who go to that church?!"...I could go on and on. If these attitudes are how you would define a Christian, then please continue to label yourself one - at least you'll stay in the majority!

So, for me "Christ-follower" is the flag I'll fly - not because I've arrived, but because it's what I desire to do: to follow Christ. Many times, it's following way, way behind - but I'm following nonetheless. And I'm okay with others knowing my intentions - it keeps me accountable and focused on the only One who can truly show me which way to go. Peace.

Just Breathe

I should be asleep. Sometimes, sleep just won't come. Sometimes it's for no reason - or stupid reasons like eating poorly or too much caffeine - ...and sometimes it's for a specific reason. I just wish the hate would end...but, I know it won't this side of eternity. The Book of Revelation speaks of the fact that as evil increases, so does righteousness - I believe this is because, for the righteous, the evil can drive us to our knees and to our Source. It's a vicious cycle that will continue until Christ's return. So, I will do what every wife and mother trying to breathe in this fallen world must do - cry out the only One who can truly offer PEACE and safety. It is all the breath I have for now...

Psalm 23
A David Psalm:
1-3 "God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.

4 Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.

5 You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.

6 Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I'm back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life." (MSG)

I will lie down in peace and sleep for thou, oh Lord, will keep me safe... .Peace.

Exercising is of the Devil!

So, I'm only writing this blog to get "happy darn wednesday" off the top of my screen. But, my excruciating and traumatic work-out experience this evening has robbed me of the energy to blog twice. So, if you enjoy hearing of my great sufferings, check out The Real Staff Wives of Orange County. Peace.

Happy Darn Wednesday

This has actually been a great day. The boys and I spent the morning with some great friends at the splash-park. I'm just tired, and our air is out again - so I'm a little grumpy. And now Byron reminds me that usually, on Wednesdays, I "try" to be humorous and light hearted - only I don't feel like it.

So, I've got nothin' - no blonde jokes - no witty banter - no delightful prose. Maybe next Wednesday I'll be more pleasant. And this has NOTHING to do with the fact that I had to order a sugar-free, "skinny" latte, when I really wanted a Dunkin' Donut's extra large chocolate coconut iced coffee with extra whipped cream, but I'm trying to be "buff by 40" - and the Dunkin' Donut's lady is starting to look at me like I have some kind of problem or addiction or something. Like she knows my issues - she couldn't possibly, because I strategically re-route my coffee stops so that it only looks about one-third as bad as it really is...but I digress...

What was I saying, oh yeah, - so, I've been mistreated by several java establishments in this town (NOT "CUPPY'S" ON LEE VISTA - BILL TREATS ME WITH RESPECT AND PASSES NO JUDGEMENT!), so to all the coffee-pushers who judge me because I like to drink dessert-style lattes several times a day - in spite of my efforts to decrease the "junk" in the...well, anyway... I say, "Don't be a hater, be a liberator!" - or better yet, a caffeinator. As the great philosopher Madea once said, "The bible say, 'be ye kindest and gentlest to all the peoplests'." I wholeheartedly concur! Next Wednesday will be different, I promise...I can quit anytime...it's not me, it's the caffeine talking...just give me one more chance...

HAPPY WEDNESDAY - PEACE!

In Dreams

I've always had crazy, vivid dreams. They are so life-like that some days it takes me a long time to shake whatever emotions are generated as I sleep. I remember having a particularly bad dream in which Byron upset me (that NEVER happens in real life), and even though he had, in reality, done nothing to me, I was really mad at him and it took me about an hour before I wanted to speak to him - all because of a dream!

Dreams are funny like that. A lot of times they let me know what is really on my mind. I'll think I'm past a certain event, feeling or hurt - and then I'll have a dream that reminds me. Then I'll walk around thinking, "Why do I feel like this today - why do I have this knot in my stomach - oh yeah, I had this crazy dream..."

I guess, unless I've had spicy food late at night, it's just another way to process my emotions - to work things out without having to focus on it while I'm awake. It's my heart's way of saying, "maybe you need to work on this - forgive again, love more, be less offended..." When it comes to a hurt that can lead to bitterness, I've found that what I refuse to deal with I become.

So, I guess I've got some work to do - it's a constant process. What's the old saying, "Don't be bitter - Be better."? I've always hated cliches, but usually there's a lot of truth in them.

I'm starting a new work-out regimen today - so, while I work on my body, I can also renew my mind (I think there's a verse about that somewhere). And I can focus on real dreams - dreams of changing the world one heart at a time.

LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT - and the ultimate dream. Peace.

The Real Staff Wives Of Orange County

I'm really excited about a new addition to my blogging addiction. The other C3 pastor's wives and I have started a blog. "THE REAL STAFF WIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY" is a compilation of the thoughts and etc. of a day in the life of a pastor's wife. Amanda (wife of Barry - C3 Executive Pastor) posted an awesome blog today. Check it out @ C3 wives - the real staff wives of orange county. As always, peace!

Love Wins Again!

It's Monday so I'm thinking a lot today about the weekend - mainly how Sunday went. I felt the spirit of God in such a real way, I needed that so much.

I'm also thinking about the influences we allow into our lives. Yesterday, I read one blog that challenged me and made me cry (in a good way), then I read another that made me sad and disturbed - how the Enemy has such a stronghold in some people's lives in the area of hate and bitterness. And by allowing negative thoughts to come into my mind through conversations, - or the internet - the Enemy can have a stronghold in my life as well. So I must be vigilant. I have to protect myself from getting on the roller-coaster of other people's opinions. Meanwhile, I pray for peace and comfort to all of those seeking and hurting. I pray for the light of truth to speak to hearts and erase the hate. I pray for the strength to chase after the things of God, and God is love - and love wins!

Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. Philippians 4:8-9 (MSG)

One authentic thing I can meditate on today is the gift of good friends - last night we hung-out with the Leathers, the Lopers, Dan, and Sally. It was great to be with good friends who keep our focus in the right place. I'm so thankful for that, because it's easier to be positive among friends.

We missed the Conrads (we pray for your safe return, and for your dad's health). We talked of good things like the numerous hearts that turned to God that morning - and the birth of a new babies (welcome Mayanna and Bryleigh!). And we celebrated the fact that Andrea "the Queen of the Rap" was born!

So, it's Monday, and even without 24, I'm doing alright - because I'm focused - not on the losses - but on the wins. Love wins, and I'm so glad!

Lessons from my Dad

It's Father's Day, and I'm thankful for the fathers in my life. I'm, of course, thankful for my dad. I've always been somewhat of a "daddy's girl", and I'm definitely thankful that I have a father that I could feel that way about. When I was growing-up, my dad traveled a lot, and we traveled with him as much as we could. I think all of the constant "movement" and change of scenery that comes with a traveling ministry has allowed me to be more flexible now. I've also realized, as an adult, the sacrifices my parents made for the cause of Christ.

I think because my dad has always preached with conviction, I've been prepared for doing ministry with a husband who is the same way - Byron got this "come hell or high water" attitude from his dad - it's passed-down like that.

So, today I'm grateful for the strong fathers in my life: my dad, my father-in-law, and my husband. And I realize more than ever that strength and integrity aren't just natural, they are learned traits passed down from generation to generation. And I hope my sons will someday be fathers like that, and I pray my daughters are blessed enough to raise children with men who will stand against the wind. It's quite a ride!

P.S. Another thing I learned from my dad is how to swim - (thanks, dad for teaching me how to swim and how to live. I love you).

Peace and a blessed father's day to you.

Pass it on!

We have been without a t.v. all week, but were able to hear of the passing of Ruth Graham. I knew her better when I was a child; she was "Aunt Ruth" to me then. My grandfather used to tell me that when I was very small she thought I was a funny child - with a big vocabulary. I think in some ways she understood me. Now as an adult, reading her poetry and musings about life in the ministry, I feel that I understand her. She always seemed to me to be very unique and poetic, she was definitely articulate yet simple in her priorities - Her faith, her family, and her husband seemed to be her life, and her thoughts around those basic priorities seemed endless and profound. Her absence will be felt in more ways than we can fathom, and I am so appreciative that we have her legacy and her words to draw from. I've learned, in part from her, that you can be a strong, supportive wife of a minister, and yet be a creative, oppinionated, passionate individual at the same time. Thank you for that, Aunt Ruth.

Love is the movement - pass it on! Peace.

Happy Wednesday!

Happy Wednesday! I've realized that I've been slacking in the joke department. Lately, the melancholy side of me has definitely been taking over, so today I'm going to concentrate on happy things:

* So, as I continue my search for cute and clean blonde jokes, I am always reminded of my own blonde-ish-ness when I come across a blonde joke that has actually happened to me:

* When I was about 14, I noticed the cute jeans a girl in my youth group was wearing. So, I said (in original valley-girl fashion), "Like...those jeans are sooo cute, what brand are they?", and she replied, "Guess.", so I said, "Okay. Um....."

* Byron likes to read blonde jokes to me to see if I get them. So, he said, "Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?", and of course, I shrugged my shoulders (exaggeratedly) and replied, "I don't know..." which apparently IS the punchline.

I'm not feeling great today - all the traveling and eating-out is starting to catch up with me (I'm also rethinking choosing a chicken salad sandwich from a gas station). When we get home there will be a lot of detoxing taking place - a lot of "super green" and spinach salads. Ethan will say "this is the most horriblest day of my life, cuz you always make me eat healthy and nutritious!" - Well, he's been in heaven lately. But, play now and pay later...

I am looking forward to getting home and getting back into somewhat of a routine - at least until we get back on the road. I think when I get home, I'll repaint my bedroom, which reminds me:

Q: Why did it take the blonde so long to paint her bedroom?

A: The can read, "best if applied in two coats" - and painting with all those clothes on is hard work.

Lame, I know.

Peace and spinach salad to you all (if you're making fun of my lame jokes, then gas-station chicken salad to you!)

Postcards from Georgia

How has it been a week since my last blog?

We spent the weekend in the Atlanta area. We caught-up with old friends - it was wonderful! We went to a movie-theater church with Barry and Amanda, and became even more excited about our future @ C3. We had Sunday dinner with some of our favorite people in the world: the Leathers Clan and the Bond Clan. It was sort of surreal to have friends that we love from such different worlds in the same place - it was awesome!

I was able to get Starbucks every morning, and found a place to get my nails done. Kayleigh came up and was reunited with us, thanks to Barry O. and Adam. Sugar Boy got to hang out at a pet resort for the weekend. Amanda and I got some good "hang-out" time, and Ashley and I got to go to Wal-mart with Karla and Alyson. (To see Byron and Dave in a corner talking passionately about what God is doing in their lives was such an encouragement to me!)

So, as far as weekends go, this one was great! Thanks: Barry and Amanda and kids - we love you guys, and are so grateful that you're along for this ride; Dave, Karla, Alyson and Matt - seeing you again was so seamless, it was amazing - we miss you terribly already! Barry O. and Adam - thanks for being so willing to help and be a part of our crazy crew! Ashley - it was really nice to spend some time with you one-on-one this past week, you're awesome (and hilarious)! Kayleigh - we missed you and knowing that you missed us so much that you read our blogs first thing each morning was sooo cool (see, you know you love us!) Nate and Ethan - you crack me up and keep me young.

And now we are in south Georgia so Byron can speak at a middle school camp. "Riverdale" is leading worship again - they rock! In spite of everything difficult that we've been through lately, I can honestly say that I've never been more excited about our future than now.

So, tonight as I blog, I'm listening to U2; Byron occasionally reads me something interesting in one of the blogs he reads daily; Barry, Adam, Kayleigh and Ashley are playing cards; the boys are sleeping... and all is right in my little corner of the world! "In the name of love...one more in the name of love..."

Peace and U2 to you all!

Breaking Free

Happy Wednesday! Tonight's message was about forgiveness. Byron reminded us of how, in order to love, we must "not remember what God forgets." This subject has been on my mind and heart so much lately. I have two friends who have been abandoned by the one who was supposed to protect and cherish them - they don't deserve what's happening to them, but the best thing for them is also the hardest: forgiveness. I find it hard to even fathom that they should be expected to do this. But, being in bondage because of hate toward someone else is not freedom, and it's not what God desires for us. But, it still makes me so angry to think about how much they are hurting, and I wish my anger could make their pain go away, but that's not the way it works. Only true love can heal - Agape.

Tonight, I was reminded that we were not meant to HAVE to forgive. We were created for the Garden where we would fellowship with God and each other in perfect harmony - until sin entered the picture. So, now, until heaven, we can't physically experience "the Garden", but emotionally and spiritually we experience it EVERY TIME WE FORGIVE. So, it's natural that I would struggle with this unnatural thing. But, tonight it struck me that it may not just be the injustice of my friends' wounds that are causing me so much trouble - maybe it's more about my own wounds.

I don't want to admit that I've struggled to forgive real or perceived offenses in my own life - that doesn't sound very spiritual. But, to say I've struggled with this lately, would be an understatement. I've felt abandoned and betrayed - and this by people who once called themselves my friends. So, maybe my issues with my above-mentioned friends' REAL abandonment and betrayal, are also about my own feelings of loss. So, maybe I need to "practice what I preach" and lay it down.

So, I choose to forgive: the lies, the slander, the dirty looks at the grocery store, the glares at my children's school, the phone campaigns, the lawyers, the "inviting" others to your "new church" right in front of me, the sabotage of our ministries - especially children's ministries, the soccer field huddles, the lack of loyalty, the playing the victim, the alienation of anyone who defends us, the tears of my children, the attacks against my husband, the mistreatment of our staff, my feelings that "NO ONE STAYS" when the road gets rocky, and I'm left on a cold mountain with no visible shelter (previous blog "Friends").

So, I choose to forgive, so that I, my family and my true friends can be free. And because these offenses don't begin to touch how Jesus was treated.

I once had a dream. In it I was being beaten - by someone I had loved and trusted. I was on the ground bloody and broken when someone appeared before me. It was Jesus, and he looked like I did: bloody and broken. And through swollen eyes, He looked at me, and I was filled with peace as I realized the "point": When I am abused and betrayed and broken, and yet choose to love, I LOOK LIKE HIM. So, that's my desire: that my wounds cause me to resemble Jesus. And that through forgiveness, they become something beautiful - a beautiful brokenness that reflects a beautiful savior.

So, today I and, hopefully, my friends will walk in peace and freedom in our beautiful brokenness.

PEACE!

Java and a Blog

We've been having trouble getting a signal for cell phones and internet up here in the mountains. I've also struggled with the lack of my java. Then, we found a little cafe! I literally heard angels singing - then, I saw a guy at a table (as I was enjoying the sound of " a triple chocolate coconut latte" rolling off my tongue) USING HIS LAPTOP - WIRELESSLY!!! More angels...

So, although, I have little time and battery, I get to experience two things that make me smile - a jacked-up java and a blog. Does it get any better?

Last night was very inspirational for me - any time I can worship with a bunch of teenagers is a good thing! Their passion and abandon lifts me - It reminds me..."I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned - in awe of the One who gave it all - and I'll stand my soul, Lord, to You surrendered - all I am is Yours..."

Byron's message about love reminded me again how much God really loves each one of us. I always need to be reminded of this so I can truly love others the way God does. My friends who are going through dark times need to be reminded of this, especially right now - and I pray they will feel the arms of their Father around them in a special way. We all need to feel the breath of God. Last night, we sang a song that speaks this peace to my heart - To my friend who is especially hurting today, this is for you - you are in my prayers...

Matt Redman - You Never Let Go
From the album Passion 06: Everything Glorious

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You"

Even though I can't be with you physically, know that I'm with you in my heart - keep your head up!

Peace!

Music Moves Me (part two)

Byron spoke at a youth camp last night in an open-air "theater" in the woods. It was beautiful, and it reminded me of my childhood. It reminded me that no matter how urbanized I become, I'm very organic at heart, and being IN nature - in the middle of the woods - centers me in some way. It's like the ocean for me because I feel so small yet so close to God all at once. Man, now I want to go camping - at the beach - in the mountains - at the same time!

The band "Riverdale" led worship and it was awesome. They closed with a new Charlie Hall song that really moved me. I don't even know the words yet, but I'm sure I will by the end of the day. One line in it especially resonated for me. It went something like: "I'm down, but I will rise - all life flows from God." It reminded me where my source lies - where my strength comes from. And my source is bigger than the montains and the seas. These creations, in their grandeur, echo His glory and power. Peace and joy and strength echo across the mountains and the seas, and I too join in their song... Man, nature makes me want to be poetic! But, it's so true - all life flows from God, and I'm thankful.

Now, I'm gonna go find some coffee - probably from "the Huddle House" - did I sound like I was ready to chuck the whole "city life" thing? We'll see,... ask me after a week of no Starbucks!

Peace...and strength...and dark roast espresso to you all.

Deliverance!

It always amazes me - how quickly the time goes, and it's Saturday night again.

I always find myself trying to get my mind focused on all that will take place tomorrow morning, no matter what's happening on a typical busy Saturday - (today, it was finding an air conditioning repairman who could come and deliver us from - well..., no air conditioning - in June - in Florida.).

So, now that things are cooling-down, I'm trying to get in the zone. It encourages me to know that others are doing the same thing - of course, this includes Byron - and then the pastors, staff, volunteers, and others who are working, praying, and hoping that their friends and family will be touched by God tomorrow.

For Byron and me, and many others- this is our mission, it's what we work and wait for all week. We aren't alone, and that's what I'm going to focus on tonight. I'm also focusing on the ways God has blessed me in my journey: a courageous and loving husband, really cool kids, great family, awesome friends, and a vision that is bigger than all of us. And air conditioning.

As usual, someone else's words say it better than mine. But in this case, they are God's words, so it's all good - this is where I choose to place my focus. I hope it encourages you, too:

Romans 8:18-27 (The Message):

18-21 "That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.

22-25 All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."

Our Deliverance is coming! Peace!

Georgia on My Mind

Q: When traveling to London, how do you steal a blonde's window-seat?
A: Tell her that only the middle row seats are going to London.

We're traveling to Georgia this week. Byron's speaking at a youth camp, and while there we hope to see some friends we haven't seen in years. They have been to us the kind of friends that you can not see for a long time, and yet when you're back together, you feel like you've never been apart.

They walked through some dark days with us many years ago, and we developed a "bond" that is burned deep in my heart. Until that time, we had never had friends as close and as loyal as Dave & Karla were to us. And now, as Byron and I have learned how rare such friendship really is - I feel like we can appreciate them even more.

I wish for everyone to have friends like these even if it's only for a little while - because it's really forever.

"I'll Stand By You" - Carrie Underwood

"Oh, why you look so sad? Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now.
Don't be ashamed to cry, let me see you through
Cause I've seen the dark side too.
When the night falls on you, you don't know what to do,
Nothing you confess could make me love you less.

I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.

So, if you're mad get mad, don't hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now.
And hey, what you got to hide? I get angry too
But I'm alot like you.
When you're standing at the crossroads, don't know which path to choose,
Let me come along, cause even if your wrong.

I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.
Take me into your darkest hour, and I'll never desert you.
I'll stand by you.

And when, when the night falls on you baby, you're feeling all alone,
You won't be on your own, I'll stand by you. I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you. I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour and I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you."

Peace and love (and twizzlers) to you, Angie and Byron