Finding My Sabbath

Byron and I have had a lot of discussions, lately, about rest, boundaries, and protecting/insulating ourselves and family from the stresses of the world as much as possible. My current issues with my nervous system have definitely factored in to these conversations. Avoiding extreme stress has become a necessity, not just for me, but for all of us in the Bledsoe household. It has been a wake-up-call for us, in that, no matter how strong you think you are or how ready you feel for the fight, your body can say, "No more!", and then you are forced to take inventory of your priorities.

Of course, God knows that we must set aside time for true rest in order to even worship properly. This presents some obvious difficulties for the household of a pastor because the Sabbath is, inherently, a "work day". So, traditionally, minister's families just suck it up and do without respite - and not even God can convince them that you can't work yourself into worship...as if to say that what God has required for us to function at our best, and honor Him with our efforts - a day of rest - is not necessary for the leaders. There's a piety in living like the world will stop revolving if I ("Super Pastor/Pastor's Wife") don't work for the kingdom 24/7. How many pastor's families secretly know that they come AFTER the calling?

So, Byron and I are looking at and praying about finding a way to observe Sabbath before, and therefore leading into, Sunday. We haven't figured it out yet, but we do know that it's going to take a lot of planning ahead if Saturday, for instance, will be our day of rest (especially since that's the day when all of the "running" has to be done - and especially since I'm a huge procrastinator). But, we know we need to at least entertain the idea of setting aside a "Day of Rest", so that we can be prepared to worship and work on Sunday. Also, Saturday seems like a natural choice because the Enemy, without fail, throws his biggest arrows on Saturdays - So, intentional insulation will make us even more productive in our work.

Who knows us better than our Creator, so who can have a better plan than He does. Sometimes - a lot of the time - we just come up with excuses for why we're the exception.

So, we're on a journey to discover how to fulfill our calling and how to find our Sabbath at the same time. It's an interesting journey. I'll do my best to chronicle our discoveries along the way.

I hope you all find some rest in Him today. Peace.

Coffee, Courage, and Commitment (And Happy Wednesday)

Happy Wednesday! (At least it is now) - The boys get out of school early on Wednesdays, so we decided to bring them to "Cuppy's" (My favorite coffee shop, on Lee Vista). So, hangin' with my boys and drinking a caramel latte (and free wifi)...it just doesn't get any better than this!

We had lunch with Vinny and Valerie, an awesome couple with a passion for God that's contagious. They are definitely "so C3"!

I've been reading "Stand Against the Wind" by Erwin McManus - he's one of my favorite authors - and this quote spoke to me, "Our capacity to run free is related to our commitment to stand firm."

It may seem odd that he would correlate commitment with freedom. Those two seem contrary, but, in reality, you are only as free as you are committed. You are only as strong as your willingness to lay aside anything that hinders you in the race. Freedom comes after the sacrifice, when there's nothing left to lose.

McManus asks the question, "How often have we surrendered our freedoms under the weight of our fears?" That's something to ponder. Fear is bondage, and bondage is the death of hope.

So, today, I desire to run free and fearless - with nothing left to lose, and everything to gain.

Happy Wednesday!

Peace.

Sanguine Saturday

I can't believe it's already five 0'clock on Saturday. The weekend is drifting away - and of course, tomorrow will go by like a whirlwind.

Laundry has ruled my day, since next week will be filled with carpooling and C3 stuff. The future is so bright for us at C3, but the next year, especially, is going to be CRAZY busy.

I feel like the fall is going to be "boot camp", and after the holidays begins the battle - when we have to bring the heat! We're breaking free to be C3, but it's going to require everything we've got to fulfill the vision we've been given. It can be overwhelming, but it's also an awesome thing...and a humbling one as well. It's going to take everything we've got, and still require the movement of God.

I woke up this morning in an optimistic mood - kind of a silly one, actually. I looked at Byron, and he had a grin on his face. So when I asked him why he was smiling, he just looked up and said, "God is smiling on me, and it's gonna be a good day." After further discussion, it became clear that "God smiling" was my good mood. So, I said, "Let me get this straight, the determining factor of the quality of your day is me?" and he replied, "Since the beginning of time." This kind of stinks for him, since I'm a bohemian, moody, melancholy/sanguine, artistic type with a flair for the dramatic...oh well, at least he has today!

We organized the school supplies cabinets, two junk drawers, and did some filing, so next week will run a little more smoothly than normal. It's amazing how it's harder for me to find things after I organize than before. I think my "chaotic random piles" system just make sense to me somehow.

I found the most beautiful purple "fainting couch" and zebra print rug on the web last night...I guess I just wasn't ever meant to be a minimalist! I think they would kick me out of Denmark (former post) - maybe it's because I'm a Czechoslovakian/Cherokee at heart!

Gotta run, laundry-duty for six calls! Peace out.

Hangin' with My Herd

Byron and I have two "Barrys" in our lives: Barry Leathers (C3 Executive Pastor, and he and Amanda are some of our closest friends), and Barry Oser (Kayleigh's boyfriend and "like a son" to us). Ironically, both of them posted the same YouTube video around the same period of time, and had a similar take on it. You can check out their blogs about this video here and here.

Of course this video was moving to me - and I draw my own analogies from it as well. It just depends on the day as to which "character" I identify with the most. Many days, I can relate to the baby water buffalo: the enemy will try to "pick me off", isolate me from sources of protection, strength and encouragement, and pull me to pieces. Other days, I feel like the powerful buffalo that knocks the crouching lions into the air and won't back down no matter what comes (these days are more rare).

Then some days, I can identify best with the on-lookers who watch in helpless horror as the scene unfolds - knowing that the lions are behaving like lions - with their cunning ability to sense weakness and attack when you're at your weakest point, and the crocodiles are doing the same - looking out for their own appetites - not making the initial attack, but wanting to benefit from the struggle.

One of the most profound aspects of this video, for me, was the fact that the herd of buffalo never give up on the baby - even when it seems certain that there was no hope of survival - even when all seems lost, they won't leave the fallen one behind. They seem to understand that they are only as strong as their weakest "member" - and if they don't fight back, they will lose more and more of themselves to the enemy.

Of course, we can relate to this: as Christ-followers, in the ministry, as members of a unique community of faith like C3 Church...

We have to "have each other's backs"; otherwise, we can be picked-off, torn to pieces, and left for dead spiritually, emotionally and in all the important areas of life. I thank God that Byron and I KNOW that there are other honkin' "buffalo" in our lives that come hell or high water, have our backs - often at great personal sacrifice.

We are the buffalo - and we're not going to give up the fight until all the people who have felt disenfranchised by the church, outside of the grace of God, and disillusioned by "religion" hear that they've not been left...the herd is coming and the "lions" and "crocs" will have to have their appetites for destruction filled another day. The herd is circling...FAIR WARNING.

Love is the movement - Peace out.

The Changing Face of Change

Tomorrow it all begins...the girls go back to school. Actually, they start out at school, and then leave for a 3 day retreat. And then, on Monday, the boys start - and the wheels of the school-year begin to turn. It's hard to believe the summer's over - and this has been a longer summer than usual.

So, now the fall officially begins, at least for me. It's going to be strange to not have the boys in the same building - between homeschooling and our church's school, I've always had at least some of my children close-by. This year's definitely going to be different.

Last year was filled with change, and I'm sure this year will be, in some ways, even more so. I have tried to envision how it will be - new offices, having services in the theater, my boys in public school, both the girls in high school (with Kayleigh graduating at the end of this year!)...so much change, but a lot of it exciting to me.

I've never really been one to struggle with change, even a lot of it. I changed schools more than ten times between kindergarten and graduation, so I had to learn to change. Still, I've never dealt with change more, in my lifetime, than I did last year. It was so profound, that I know that it changed me.

I do look at life differently now. I see people in a different way. I don't assume that many things will be the same tomorrow as they are today. I don't take for granted that just because someone is in my life now that they automatically will be tomorrow. I expect change. I understand that not everyone can handle the pressure of an "anything for the cause" lifestyle. I try not to expect too much or too little - I just have to keep my eyes focused, no matter what changes God allows to come into my life...no matter what.

I used to hear that leadership is lonely, and my idealistic side couldn't accept that as true. I'm too much of an extrovert for that to be true of me...but, it is true. It was a hard lesson to learn - that "holding on" is sometimes not an option, but - especially in a leadership role - it's a luxury that can't be afforded.

So, I look forward to the changes that will be coming this year - I really do. Change can be awesome. It can also be frightening - but, even scary things can lead to wonderful additions to our lives (like childbirth...four times!). I look forward to meeting people who have newly discovered God's grace. I look forward to watching fellow Christ-followers discover their passions, and how to use them fully. I look forward to seeing children excited about church and the love of Jesus. And I look forward to feeling myself embrace change, because I know it will change me and make me more like Christ - No matter what.

Peace.

The Remains of the Day

If you know me, then you know that music moves me...

This morning, Riverdale led worship, so I was able to sing and worship without having to be in front of people - we sang many of my favorite choruses - it was awesome! Byron preached about how, at C3, we are dedicated to the truth of Scripture, and as he spoke some of the words from the choruses came back to me, like:

When he spoke of how knowing the "play-book" (Scripture) can keep us from the insecurity of not knowing what to do when life becomes difficult: "Everyone needs compassion - A love that's never failing. Let mercy fall on me."

And when he talked about how living contrary to God's truth causes us harm, like deep gashes on our soul: "Everyone needs forgiveness - The kindness of a Savior. The hope of nations."

Our attendance was up by over a hundred this morning, and as I looked around at the faces, I was reminded again of the point of it all: "So take me as you find me - all my fears and failures. Fill my life again."

And I was challenged to remember that the "C3 reality" number two: Dedicated to the truth of Scripture is worth everything I am and have to pursue: "I give my life to follow - everything I believe in. Now I surrender..."

Then, after the message, we sang: "...I may be down, but I will rise. It may be dark, but God is light." And I looked around the room and saw a church - a community of faith - singing that phrase over and over. We, at C3 church, understand the faithfulness of God, and we will rise and we will shine - And it's going to be a beautiful sight...

Peace.

The Remains of the Day

The sun is going down on another Sunday...
I was moving slow this morning - looking forward to being back at C3 with everyone, but not feeling very well...so, moving slow. I was scheduled to sing "All for Love", but I could feel my voice fading - so I just prayed for the voice to get through that one song.
Seeing the people worshipping God always gives me strength, so I made it through the song sets, and was encouraged by the smiles and voices of everyone praising God: "The Enemy has been defeated - Death couldn't hold You down - We're gonna lift our voice in victory - We're gonna make Your praises loud..."

So we "shouted unto God with a voice of triumph", and for a little while all the heaviness and burdens of the journey faded away...there was only the sound of praise... and the love.

And I was reminded that He is always faithful to give us what we need...not always what we want, but always what we need. I wanted to sing with a strong voice, but He allowed me to have to totally rely on Him because I couldn't do it on my own - and at the end of the day, that's the best place to be. To be reminded that I can't do it on my own is an awesome thing. It's also very freeing to let go.

Letting go has been a hard-learned lesson for me this year. I've wrestled so much with just letting "His will be done", but there's freedom in the sacrifice, and there's peace in embracing the fact that the presence of pain, struggle, and even grief doesn't mean that He's abandoned me like others do - He's still there working and growing me. So, letting go and being still in his mercy gets me further than all of my efforts - the rescuing comes after the surrender...

So, it was another good day - another day to live, to love, to give, and to serve...weak voice and all...for His strength is made perfect in my weakness, and His breath is all I need to keep singing - even if He's the only One who can hear me.

Remember: "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord!"

Live strong!! Peace.

Let Us Run!

How does He want us to live?
Like uninspired followers of an ordinary way?
Like unforgiving zealots of a target never reached?
Like selfish children fighting to be "teacher's pet"?
Like bullies or like priests?
How should we live to represent Him well?

Should we not live like we are:
Seasoned runners with our eyes fixed on Jesus as our only prize...
One grace-blessed beggar sharing newly found bread with another...
Forgiven ones who see others as:
The future joy of heaven
The lost lamb for whom He has searched
His most treasured creation and expression of love
The reason for His life, His ministry, His death...

How does He want us to live?
He wants us to love abundantly, give unsparingly, pray unceasingly.
He wants us to give, to dance, and to sing - all in His name...
He wants us to run...like there's no tomorrow...run like everything depends on the passing of the baton...run with our head back and eyes focused on the prize.

We must live, love, give, and run...and the "great cloud of witnesses" is always there cheering us on.

Because the face of heaven will be determined by how well we run, how much we give, how often we tell...
For how will they hear if we do not tell them, and how will they know if we don't show the way...

How does He want us to live?
Our human minds cannot fathom the depths of His desires for us, but it is not for us to waste much time in contemplation, but rather to:

Go, do, love, give, dance, sing, rejoice, weep, comfort, forgive, embrace, and...RUN.

For tomorrow could very well find us on the other side with no more miles to give to the journey. And then we will have only what we made of today to offer at His feet.

So, let us make the most of the miles, and add one more to heaven's number.
While there's still time, let us run!

C3 Party in the Big "D"

After the work was done, we took the party to Dallas. Texas Stadium was our first stop, then Six Flags, then Fellowship Church of Grapevine for Sunday morning church. Although everyone was exhausted after their labor and lack of sleep, the group had a great time unwinding in the big "D"!

There are many other photos - some of which I have added to prior posts (my "Blackberry Blogs") in order to fill in some of the blanks.

It was awesome, and it's also awesome to be home. I'm looking forward to getting back into a routine, gearing up for the fall, and getting back to C3! Peace.

One Pilgrim's Progress

So I know I have 24 hours in a day, just like everyone else. But some days those 24 represent a lot more accomplishments than others. Today definitely won't go down in the books as a stellar day for checking-off my "To Do" list. I haven't been feeling very well for the past few days, so I've mostly been watching Byron work (he's redecorating our bedroom - I've been telling him that he's like a much, much more masculine Christopher Lowell). I've got a list of things to get done before we leave that's a mile long, only I don't feel up to it.
When I was younger, and Byron traveled in evangelism, I literally could pack for a two-week trip (with three kids - and two of them home-schooled) in two hours.
Not these days. I guess I'm hoping for a second-wind (or, in this case, a first wind) so I can get everything done that has to be done.

Someone asked me recently why I blog. I guess it's a good question, although I've never really thought about why. There are many reasons: because I love to write, because it's therapeutic to express myself in a healthy way, because I feel some responsibility to others to let them into my journey, because, in some way, I feel like I was born to do this...

But, more importantly, there are a few reasons that are NOT "why" I blog:

*it's not to just journal (I could buy a notebook for that), although my own personal thoughts and feelings drive the subject matter, it's not just about a journal of my day.

*it's not to make other women feel intimidated or inadequate as I list my domestic or spiritual achievements (I am neither Martha Stewart nor Beth Moore - as you know if you read my blogs...ever!)

*it's not to "get back" at others who've hurt or offended me - in fact, this blog has really been a caveat for reflection and growth in my life in the area of forgiveness ("what I don't deal with, I become")

*it's not to point out my personal frustrations with any individual just to "get it off my chest", but rather I desire to use my observations to facilitate change

*it's not to complain or rant about other's shortcomings, but rather to address issues that I deal with - especially as it relates to being a woman - as these things come into my life, I process them, and look to Christ and His word for how to deal with them, then I can pass along what I'm learning in the struggle and journey

The reasons why I blog are evolving all the time - like, hopefully, I am (not in the Darwin-way, but in the Jesus-way).

I certainly hope my words have been a source of encouragement to you. Of course, how you "hear" what I say is also dependent upon your own state of mind and heart (if you read with an agenda...well, all flows through that filter). Please read through the filter of love and grace, for that truly is the spirit in which I try to write - even when I write challenging things (it always challenges me first).

I'm just one pilgrim on a journey, and if I can encourage you in the race, then I'll keep on blogging...and you keep on running. Don't give up, ever!

Hebrew 12(MSG):
1-3Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

It's all about the journey, because the journey IS the destination!

Peace.

What's In a Name?

You may wonder about the term "Christ-follower". Why don't I just identify myself as a "Christian"? You may believe it's just semantics or the fad of the day...sure, there may be some of that. But, for me, there's a more specific reason. If I'm going to identify myself with a label - I would at least like it to be definable...to me, if someone says they're a Christian it only muddies the waters, there's little clarity there. Somewhere around 90% of Americans consider themselves to be Christian! But why "Christ-follower"? Well, for me it's much more self-explanatory. It's not about what I SAY I am, but what I choose to do. It's not just a label, but a lifestyle.

After 30 plus years of identifying myself as a Christian, I began to realize that I was allowing myself to be defined by a term that had lost any real meaning. This has become particularly important to me especially in the last year or so. Aside from desiring to be more specific in what I am, I also desire to distance myself from what I am not. Beyond the ambiguity of those who randomly call themselves christian, many times, I've felt a growing need to separate myself from those who consider themselves to be "Leading Christians".

Just a few observations which have led me to this conclusion:

*It seems that the longer someone uses a label, the more they become proud of the label itself rather than the reason for it ("Don't tell me! I've been a Christian longer than you've been alive..."). Contrast this with a new believer who is so grateful for the rescuing love and grace of God.

*How come Christians from Christian organizations - much of the time, complain the loudest and rebel the most when their church environment is changed - to reach the lost, no less!? This has been so profound @ C3 that I believe we should ask a few specific questions when considering someone for C3 church membership, like: "Would you consider yourself to be a Christian 'leader'?" or "How long have you worked in that missions organization that evangelizes on the other side of the world?...Oh, 15 years, you say?" and then when they give their glowing resume of how they will do "whatever it takes" to reach lost people-groups (as long as it doesn't affect their home turf), we should go ahead and hand them a list of other local churches which would make them FEEL more comfortable.

*Following Christ means to follow, not to be led by my own selfish desires. Desires which can lead us to say things like: "This is MY church, and the lost don't pay the bills!", or "I want everyone to go to heaven, I just don't want to go to church with all of them." or "That pastor is destroying lives, I mean, have you SEEN the kind of people who go to that church?!"...I could go on and on. If these attitudes are how you would define a Christian, then please continue to label yourself one - at least you'll stay in the majority!

So, for me "Christ-follower" is the flag I'll fly - not because I've arrived, but because it's what I desire to do: to follow Christ. Many times, it's following way, way behind - but I'm following nonetheless. And I'm okay with others knowing my intentions - it keeps me accountable and focused on the only One who can truly show me which way to go. Peace.