The Remains of the Day

This morning was great. Attendance was up, even though it's summer in Florida and the week of a National Holiday. By accident, I wore red, white and blue...which caused people to comment on my patriotism, Oh well...I am very patriotic, just not very organized in my fashion, but it all worked-out.

For some reason, I keep thinking about one thing today...I've been mulling it over since lunch, and even dreamed about it in my afternoon nap. I keep thinking about influence - specifically the influence of women. What does it mean to be a woman of influence? Not just a woman known for her skills as a manipulator, a convincer or arguer, and not one just known for being able to "get her way" - but what allows a woman to truly be able to influence, to effect a change in a positive direction?

I've seen it more times than I care to count: the spineless husband apologetically or rebelliously following behind his unbending, opinionated wife who through fits of complaints, the silent treatment or frigidity, or just sheer demands, controls every aspect of their lives - from how to raise the kids to where they'll go to church.

I've heard many of these women ask fervently (and in their most spiritual voice) for prayer that their husbands would become the spiritual leader in their home ("I don't want to lead, but I have to lead!"). Yet, if one of these men would dare to try to make a decision, much less actually LEAD, these same women would throw a tantrum that would make a three year old on a candy binge take notes.

Being good at making those around you (especially your family) dread one of your lectures, pouting-fits, or super-spiritual glares, shouldn't be the caveat by which we influence those in our circles. Submission isn't about not having strength or a mind of your own - it takes real strength to place your rights and wants under the submission of someone else - but it's the only way to be free...

Being a strong woman who follows a strong leader (Christ first, my husband second) isn't easy, but it is the true path to greater influence. And it can allow for greater growth and development of my children and all those around me. And my husband and kids don't have to live in fear of embarrassing moments when "mom doesn't get her way". This is something I have to work on every day, and after observing a scenario like this at lunch today (and being embarrassed for the husband and kids of a woman who hasn't gotten her attitude in order), I am reminded again to be vigilant in my efforts to be strong in the true sense of the word, not as a sour-faced bully who leads my husband around like a "purse-dog" (I already have one of those, and I certainly don't wish for my husband to be like him).

Just a thought, and a challenge - to myself first, of course.

Peace.

The Real Staff Wives Of Orange County

I'm really excited about a new addition to my blogging addiction. The other C3 pastor's wives and I have started a blog. "THE REAL STAFF WIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY" is a compilation of the thoughts and etc. of a day in the life of a pastor's wife. Amanda (wife of Barry - C3 Executive Pastor) posted an awesome blog today. Check it out @ C3 wives - the real staff wives of orange county. As always, peace!

Pass it on!

We have been without a t.v. all week, but were able to hear of the passing of Ruth Graham. I knew her better when I was a child; she was "Aunt Ruth" to me then. My grandfather used to tell me that when I was very small she thought I was a funny child - with a big vocabulary. I think in some ways she understood me. Now as an adult, reading her poetry and musings about life in the ministry, I feel that I understand her. She always seemed to me to be very unique and poetic, she was definitely articulate yet simple in her priorities - Her faith, her family, and her husband seemed to be her life, and her thoughts around those basic priorities seemed endless and profound. Her absence will be felt in more ways than we can fathom, and I am so appreciative that we have her legacy and her words to draw from. I've learned, in part from her, that you can be a strong, supportive wife of a minister, and yet be a creative, oppinionated, passionate individual at the same time. Thank you for that, Aunt Ruth.

Love is the movement - pass it on! Peace.

A Message to Martha ("Martha, Martha, Martha...")

Happy Wednesday! I'm so distracted today! I just can't seem to focus. And it's not even my normal "AAADBD" disorder (angie's adult attention deficit blonde disorder) - which, by the way, is such a long title, I forget what I'm saying half-way through!

It's more: I'm still thinking about women and their influence. (I discussed this recently in "The Biggest Loser"). This matters a lot to me lately because there are a bunch of new believers in my world now, and I'm so distracted by my sense of protection for them. I don't want them to be tainted by the religious, and their view of how godly women should function - which so often, because I was brought-up in the very culture I'm talking about, unfortunately includes me. How will they learn how to be "Mary" when the church is so full of "Martha"s.

I've heard countless Bible studies about Mary-Vs.-Martha. It's even a fad among church-women now to say something like, "Well, I'm a Martha, but I'm TRYING to be a Mary" - maybe the problem is the TRYING - we're still having to be in control! And, in my humble opinion, IT'S NOT WORKING!!!!!!! It's cool to say "I wanna be like Mary - just sitting at Jesus' feet!", but the reality is we want to remind everyone how we are the exception because we're so perfectly suited for all the "churchy" tasks that "sitting" anywhere is a real loss to the community around us - After all, "What will all the common people do if I don't bake my award-winning casserole for the Covered-Dish, while giving my advice to everyone about how the pastor could really improve his sermons, and strategically giving disapproving looks at that teenager who is NOT dressed like she's going to church... praise the Lord!"

We all want to SAY we admire Mary, but only want to "sit" if we get credit - like sitting down to our Tuesday Bible study, not to be confused with our Thursday prayer group, or our Monday night evangelism class. But how much of it is leading us to be more like Jesus - to be about the things HE cares about? If the attitude of most church-women that I've met is any indicator... - Well, I think I'll go find that inappropriately-dressed teenager and talk with her a while, and let her know that God loves her and get a reality check about where Jesus spent his time.

Maybe I just need to be reminded of what truly set Mary and Martha a part: What they did with their love for Jesus. While Martha did lots of "stuff", and couldn't let go of her incessant need for approval (sound familiar?), Mary just wanted to find out what Jesus really cared about - not to be lazy, but to absorb the mission - time was short, and instead of asking others what "jobs" were important, she went straight to the Source. Is not the time growing short for us - how many "studies" does it take to motivate us to GET OUT THERE! How many times will we let the "good things" distract us from what Jesus did and would do today.

If we really decide to GET REAL, put down our "study-guides", and DO SOMETHING - ANYTHING that causes us to really follow Christ, then we will be tempted to be terrified, we will lose many of the relationships we think we can't live without, we will be criticized by almost everyone, we will be misunderstood by many, and we will often feel alone - especially around the "Martha"s - but in the eyes of Jesus we will see His mission if we look closely enough - then, we just have to decide if we're willing to follow.

Laying it all down to follow Jesus!: It's not just a "good thing", it's everything! The new believers in my world are counting on us - and just so I'm clear: IF YOUR IDEA OF A GODLY WOMAN INCLUDES THE BEHAVIOR I'VE WITNESSED IN RECENT MONTHS BY SO MANY CHURCH-GIRLS, ("the biggest loser" ring a bell?) - STAY AWAY FROM THE NEW BELIEVERS IN MY WORLD - please stay in your Bible-studies, prayers groups and evangelism classes - please keep your "religion" under wraps!

I guess I could take some comfort in the fact that because all the "Martha"s are going to stay in the kitchen, there's tons of room at Jesus' feet. (This might comfort me if it didn't make me want to weep).

Increase the peace! (and the "sitting").

Oh yeah,... I DARE YOU TO MOVE!

The Biggest Loser

I love the reality show "The Biggest Loser"; it has it all: drama, competition, relationship-issues, and ultimately life-change. I had the opportunity to catch a marathon of a past season, and I was absolutely hooked. It fascinated me to observe the difference between how the all-male team and the all-female team functioned. There's something about putting a group of women in an enclosed area for more than about fifteen minutes; somebody's goin' down. And while the men were having their share of competitiveness, - because, after all, it is a game - the women were... well, let's just say they lived up to the stereotype. The men were more using the strength-through-unity approach, while the women seemed so busy gossiping, and then being offended - back-stabbing, and then being shocked when there was no loyalty - undermining and criticizing, and then pouting over the lack of unity. It was fascinating - and sad.

One girl, in particular, seemed to (although she may have been grossly misrepresented thru editing) always be in the middle of the conflict. In fact, when she was overwhelmingly "voted off", even by the men, the reason was not: she's a threat in the game or she's not pulling her weight in the challenges - it was "she's an instigator, and we can't trust her." As I was thinking about the feelings she provoked in her teammates, I heard IT, and it all became so clear: She leads music in her church back home! SHOCKER!! And I thought, "of course, she's a church-girl, she's learned duplicity from the best."

This reminded me of an incident I heard of recently where a group of church-women (members, at the time, of my church - unfortunately) were in a huddle at a children's sport practice. They were "sharing concerns" in such an animated and obtrusive way that a non-church member had to rebuke them and ask them to stop. If this were an isolated incident - well, "as if !" We should be ashamed and convicted.

Women have been given a great gift from God: the gift of influence. We use it and often abuse it. I've seen it so many times, and have been guilty of it myself - the "holy huddles" of "concern" - the bible studies turned gossip-session - the phone calls and e-mails sharing "prayer requests" or the "I just thought you should know..." Let's just get real, we are given to gossip - we cut off our noses to spite our face. We give up the ultimate: life-change, for the temporal. We wallow in the muck, when we've been given a gift that can cause us to rise up and fascilitate change - LIFE-CHANGE!

If we choose to rebel and not get our...stuff together, everyone loses (and not in the good "biggest loser" kind of way). The list of casualties is never an acceptable loss when we engage in this behavior. We don't just hurt our "target" - we must ask ourselves who it is that we don't care about: our church, our community, our friends, our spouse, OUR CHILDREN - because they're all on the list of losers when we wag our tongues and destroy lives one "prayer request" at a time. We all lose, but the real biggest loser is the cause of Christ.

We have at our disposal the most powerful tool of influence that there is: love. We just, so often, pass it up for more alluring options that make us feel superior and those in our path feel devastated. How much could we change? - Jesus said the most important command is to "love God and love others", and that "they" will know us by our love - so, how we love others is a direct representation of how we love God. My prayer is that God has mercy on us for using our gifts for the Enemy - beginning with myself. Imagine what we could do if we chose to love first and foremost. For, after all, in the game of life -

LOVE WINS.