Finding My Sabbath

Byron and I have had a lot of discussions, lately, about rest, boundaries, and protecting/insulating ourselves and family from the stresses of the world as much as possible. My current issues with my nervous system have definitely factored in to these conversations. Avoiding extreme stress has become a necessity, not just for me, but for all of us in the Bledsoe household. It has been a wake-up-call for us, in that, no matter how strong you think you are or how ready you feel for the fight, your body can say, "No more!", and then you are forced to take inventory of your priorities.

Of course, God knows that we must set aside time for true rest in order to even worship properly. This presents some obvious difficulties for the household of a pastor because the Sabbath is, inherently, a "work day". So, traditionally, minister's families just suck it up and do without respite - and not even God can convince them that you can't work yourself into worship...as if to say that what God has required for us to function at our best, and honor Him with our efforts - a day of rest - is not necessary for the leaders. There's a piety in living like the world will stop revolving if I ("Super Pastor/Pastor's Wife") don't work for the kingdom 24/7. How many pastor's families secretly know that they come AFTER the calling?

So, Byron and I are looking at and praying about finding a way to observe Sabbath before, and therefore leading into, Sunday. We haven't figured it out yet, but we do know that it's going to take a lot of planning ahead if Saturday, for instance, will be our day of rest (especially since that's the day when all of the "running" has to be done - and especially since I'm a huge procrastinator). But, we know we need to at least entertain the idea of setting aside a "Day of Rest", so that we can be prepared to worship and work on Sunday. Also, Saturday seems like a natural choice because the Enemy, without fail, throws his biggest arrows on Saturdays - So, intentional insulation will make us even more productive in our work.

Who knows us better than our Creator, so who can have a better plan than He does. Sometimes - a lot of the time - we just come up with excuses for why we're the exception.

So, we're on a journey to discover how to fulfill our calling and how to find our Sabbath at the same time. It's an interesting journey. I'll do my best to chronicle our discoveries along the way.

I hope you all find some rest in Him today. Peace.

Selah to "Peace"

Sleep won't come tonight, so I went back and read some of my earlier posts labeled "peace", many of which I wrote when I couldn't sleep. One, that I wrote back in May, seemed fitting. I needed to remember other times when I needed to remember... .

Maybe after remembering, sleep will finally come. Maybe after being reminded, peace will return...

"I should be asleep. I've been awake since 5 a.m.. There are so many things on my mind. I'm just asking God to cover me in His grace and mercy tonight. I know it's all I need, although my mind tells me I need to figure everything out by myself. I know I need to spend less time thinking and more time waiting. 'Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. We will wait upon the Lord - You are the Everlasting God. You do not faint, You won't grow weary. You're the defender of the weak, You comfort those in need. You lift us up on wings like eagles.' I'd love to soar on wings like eagles, but right now I just need to be quiet and wait. Rest is not easy for a restless mind, so I'm going to be still for a while and know 'our God, You reign forever, our Hope, our Strong Deliverer.'
'I will lie down in peace and sleep for You, oh Lord, will keep me safe.' I can sleep because my God never slumbers.
As a child, I memorized many Psalms, and although I rarely remember the exact reference or wording, God is always faithful to bring what I need to my rememberence - no more, no less.
I think it's Psalm 121 that says something like: 'I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills - From whence cometh my help? - My help cometh from the Lord. - The Lord watches over [me] - the sun shall not smite [me] by day nor the moon by night - He who watches [me] does not slumber - He who watches over Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps.'
Now I will lie down in peace and sleep for 'joy comes in the morning...' Selah!"

I will lie down in peace.

Selah.

Healing Winds

Today was one of those days.

A day when there were several things on my "To Do" list that, frankly, I just wasn't looking forward to doing - some mundane, and some more urgent - things that caused the procrastinator in me to think, "Can't we do this stuff another day!?" - and in the midst of it all, knowing that I need to be productive today and not get side-tracked with drama or negativity...

I could feel myself desiring to just stay at home, behind closed doors - just give me a reason, and I'll stay in my little "nest". It's just the mood I woke up in.

I went to register the boys for school, and really didn't want to see anyone - again, it's just the mood I woke up in...

Of course, barely in the door, I saw a familiar face...but then something I didn't expect happened - I smiled, then we really recognized each other, and she jumped up and exclaimed, "Angie, give me a hug!". It was then that I realized that she was a dear family friend that I hadn't seen in years. It was so refreshing, and it lifted me. And the winds began to blow...

Then, at the end of the day, there was a "comment" on my blog from a friend I had in high school that I haven't seen in about seventeen years. We emailed back and forth this evening - again, the unexpected words of a friend were like a breath of fresh air.

So, although today I was in "one of those moods", and there were still points of negativity and drama, the healing winds of friendship blew into my day at just the right time. I'm grateful for all of you who are patient, gracious and kind as you read my little thoughts. And hopefully when you're having one of those days, you can find some encouragement in me - that's my prayer.

May you all have peace. Angie

From Dusk to Dawn

The scenery in the mountains was breathtaking, and since my current obsession is photography (although my skill level hardly warrants the title "photography"), I had to take pictures of absolutely EVERYTHING. My family (and the other captive audience members) got used to seeing me jump out of the car on a steep overhang or nearly get hit by a trolley-car just to get the perfect shot of a perfect purple flower.

And if the scenery was great during the day, it was even better at dusk and dawn. The cabin was three stories with two balconies, so I tried to get up early and absorb the dawn (some morning "dawn" was literal - on others it was very figurative. In my world, dawn is more of a state of mind, like happiness). But one thing I noticed is that the beauty of dusk and dawn is very similar. When you're enjoying the dim tranquility of either one and absorbed in the peacefulness of being still in the wonder of God's creation, it's difficult to remember whether the sun is coming up or going down.

Recently, I was looking at photographs on the "wide world of web", and this struck me then, too - I noticed that the picture entitled "Swiss Mountains at Dawn" and "Sunset in Switzerland" looked very much alike - both breathtaking, of course!

The past year has been full of many things - some seemingly wonderful, and others won't be remembered fondly. As I spent time reflecting on all God has allowed into my life - things that brought happiness and grief - I realized that everything can work together for my good (the "goings" down and the "comings" up), that I can still bask in the dim tranquility of all God is doing around me even the colors created by the art of pain.

So, whether it's twilight or a new day dawning, I will praise the Artist - "...the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away - Blessed be the name of the Lord!"

P.S. Thanks for still reading though my blogs have been few and far between this past month. I pray for all of you to find true peace from the True Peacemaker. It's a long and winding road (sometimes requiring a little Bonine), but it is definitely the way to travel. Thanks for sharing it with me...

Peace.

Candle in the Wind...

It's somewhat ironic that we begin a series at C3 tomorrow about how to "Rest in God" - today has been one of those days when I've felt like I've been on a treadmill set on "high" and it won't stop...my little candle is feeling a little wind-blown tonight, and now I'm trying to wind down so that I can get prepared to sleep and rest for all that will take place in the morning. I believe it will be a beautiful service - the platform "set" is beautiful and tranquil, and the music set is beautiful and inspiring. And Byron is preaching from the 23rd Psalm - beautiful. To me, the reoccurring theme is the beauty of God's rest - the kind that only He can provide. I need that tonight, my mind is racing will all of the things still left to do. My heart is heavy for the thought of some friends who won't be there, and excited for the new friends I will make as they discover the love and mercy of God.

(By the way, tomorrow also happens to be Byron's birthday - I won't say how old he'll be, but he IS one year closer to the big 4-0!)

So, tonight, I'm listening to Enya (my favorite is "May it Be" from the Lord of the Rings), and I'm choosing to focus on the beautiful aspects of the love and mercy of a God, my God of Rest - because He hears, He knows - all of our difficulties, dreams, fears - He knows and He sees. So, I can rest in Him and all of His Beauty...and sleep in peace, dreaming of all of the hearts He will touch and change with His Beauty tomorrow...

"May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home

Mornië utúlië
Believe and you will find your way
Mornië alantië
A promise lives within you now

May it be the shadow's call
Will fly away
May it be your journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun

Mornië utúlië
Believe and you will find your way

Mornië alantië
A promise lives within you now

A promise lives within you now" (Enya "May it Be")


And even on days like today when I feel like a candle in the wind, I can rest in His shelter, and experience the Beautiful Rest of God...and the wind doesn't feel quite so strong. May it be that you rest in Him as well.

His Peace.

Just Breathe

I should be asleep. Sometimes, sleep just won't come. Sometimes it's for no reason - or stupid reasons like eating poorly or too much caffeine - ...and sometimes it's for a specific reason. I just wish the hate would end...but, I know it won't this side of eternity. The Book of Revelation speaks of the fact that as evil increases, so does righteousness - I believe this is because, for the righteous, the evil can drive us to our knees and to our Source. It's a vicious cycle that will continue until Christ's return. So, I will do what every wife and mother trying to breathe in this fallen world must do - cry out the only One who can truly offer PEACE and safety. It is all the breath I have for now...

Psalm 23
A David Psalm:
1-3 "God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.

4 Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.

5 You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.

6 Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I'm back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life." (MSG)

I will lie down in peace and sleep for thou, oh Lord, will keep me safe... .Peace.

In Dreams

I've always had crazy, vivid dreams. They are so life-like that some days it takes me a long time to shake whatever emotions are generated as I sleep. I remember having a particularly bad dream in which Byron upset me (that NEVER happens in real life), and even though he had, in reality, done nothing to me, I was really mad at him and it took me about an hour before I wanted to speak to him - all because of a dream!

Dreams are funny like that. A lot of times they let me know what is really on my mind. I'll think I'm past a certain event, feeling or hurt - and then I'll have a dream that reminds me. Then I'll walk around thinking, "Why do I feel like this today - why do I have this knot in my stomach - oh yeah, I had this crazy dream..."

I guess, unless I've had spicy food late at night, it's just another way to process my emotions - to work things out without having to focus on it while I'm awake. It's my heart's way of saying, "maybe you need to work on this - forgive again, love more, be less offended..." When it comes to a hurt that can lead to bitterness, I've found that what I refuse to deal with I become.

So, I guess I've got some work to do - it's a constant process. What's the old saying, "Don't be bitter - Be better."? I've always hated cliches, but usually there's a lot of truth in them.

I'm starting a new work-out regimen today - so, while I work on my body, I can also renew my mind (I think there's a verse about that somewhere). And I can focus on real dreams - dreams of changing the world one heart at a time.

LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT - and the ultimate dream. Peace.

Deliverance!

It always amazes me - how quickly the time goes, and it's Saturday night again.

I always find myself trying to get my mind focused on all that will take place tomorrow morning, no matter what's happening on a typical busy Saturday - (today, it was finding an air conditioning repairman who could come and deliver us from - well..., no air conditioning - in June - in Florida.).

So, now that things are cooling-down, I'm trying to get in the zone. It encourages me to know that others are doing the same thing - of course, this includes Byron - and then the pastors, staff, volunteers, and others who are working, praying, and hoping that their friends and family will be touched by God tomorrow.

For Byron and me, and many others- this is our mission, it's what we work and wait for all week. We aren't alone, and that's what I'm going to focus on tonight. I'm also focusing on the ways God has blessed me in my journey: a courageous and loving husband, really cool kids, great family, awesome friends, and a vision that is bigger than all of us. And air conditioning.

As usual, someone else's words say it better than mine. But in this case, they are God's words, so it's all good - this is where I choose to place my focus. I hope it encourages you, too:

Romans 8:18-27 (The Message):

18-21 "That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.

22-25 All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."

Our Deliverance is coming! Peace!

Sunburns

Q: What's the definition of eternity?
A: 4 blondes at a 4-way stop.

The boys and I spent a good part of the day at a local park that has a lake-front "beach". They spent hours playing with friends in the water, and although I had multiple containers of sunscreen, I forgot to put it on any of us. We got fried. It's embarrassing enough to get burned when you're a Floridian, but to let helpless children, in your care, burn is unthinkable, unless you're a tourist from Wisconsin.

I had to face my shame when Byron got home from work, and he put another coat of aloe gel on all three of us. So, tonight, I'm thinking about pain. And I'm thinking about how, at times this evening, I've forgotten that I was burned - until I bumped or scratched a sunburned area, and then I remember how sensitive that area is.

Pain in life can be like that for me ,too. I forget I've been wounded or hurt until something bumps or scratches the sensitive areas of my life. And when I've been hurt, I want to isolate - the exact opposite of what I need to do. I hate putting on that aloe gel stuff - it's cold, at first, and until it dries, I hate how it feels. But, it helps heal the burns - like spending time with good friends. Today I helped some sunburns of life heal by spending time with a good friend - it's like aloe for the soul.

When we get isolated from the ones who really help protect us from the burns of life, we can get fooled by the wind and the cloudiness, and not realze how much sun-damage we've gotten. We can think we're okay, only to realize, too late, that we've gotten fried. We all need proper boundaries against the relationships that don't make us better - the toxic people who fool us into the surprise "burns" on overcast days. But, if we're vigilant, we can find those "aloe" friends who can provide protection and shade from the sunburns of life.

Sandi, thanks for being an "aloe" kind of friend.

Peace!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She can get a pop-tart out of the toaster in one piece.

Selah!

I should be asleep. I've been awake since 5 a.m.. There are so many things on my mind. I'm just asking God to cover me in His grace and mercy tonight. I know it's all I need, although my mind tells me I need to figure everything out by myself. I know I need to spend less time thinking and more time waiting. "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. We will wait upon the Lord - You are the Everlasting God. You do not faint, You won't grow weary. You're the defender of the weak, You comfort those in need. You lift us up on wings like eagles." I'd love to soar on wings like eagles, but right now I just need to be quiet and wait. Rest is not easy for a restless mind, so I'm going to be still for a while and know "our God, You reign forever, our Hope, our Strong Deliverer."
"I will lie down in peace and sleep for You, oh Lord, will keep me safe." I can sleep because my God never slumbers. As a child, I memorized many Psalms, and although I rarely remember the exact reference or wording, God is always faithful to bring what I need to my rememberence - no more, no less. I think it's Psalm 121 that says something like: "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills - From whence cometh my help? - My help cometh from the Lord. - The Lord watches over [me] - the sun shall not smite [me] by day nor the moon by night - He who watches [me] does not slumber - He who watches over Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps.
Now I will lie down in peace and sleep for "joy comes in the morning..." Selah!